To Be a Seed

I'm LATE for the "Spring Forward" challenge, but I'm sharing regardless!

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I’m trying to recall when I first became aware of and applied the concept of “Spring cleaning”. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved organizing and thoroughly enjoyed playdates where I helped friends tidy up their space. It’s a lot easier to play when there’s room to roam! I could have been anywhere between 6 and 9 when I began my own deep-cleans. I’d pull each and every belonging out of the closet…or out from under the bed, and take a moment to lovingly engage in play or memory with my forgotten treasures. After downsizing or rearranging I would do the same with them on the way back into the closet. I lived in my tornado for a month’s time before the project was complete. I was left undisturbed in my process, allowed to explore for myself what it meant to be clean. I am thankful that my mom gave me free range to deal with my messes in my own way…but it certainly wasn’t the most efficient means of doing so!

Though I can now zip through my closet in an hour’s time, I don’t aim for efficiency. I don’t have tips and tricks to share, methods or techniques to hack the process, as I find they often have much to do with speed, productivity, and maximizing our precious “allotted” lifetime hours. I no longer feel called to conform to the demands of our capitalist system, and I know I’m not the only one.

I want no part in feeling like I have to complete a specific list to get ahead and stay ahead of the game. All I want to know is how to live my life more simply, and to live more directly from the gifts of the earth. That being said, I am so thrilled to be reading what’s been submitted by others, and appreciate the personal reflection these public challenges facilitate. Thanks Vocal team!

Despite not wanting to be a cog in the system, here I am running in the endless (and seemingly pointless) race, and boy am I out of breath! So you know what I did? I stopped. I said no this week to every single thing that wasn’t me. I woke up when I wanted to (which is still with the sunrise), took my walks, drank my tea with a book in hand, tended to the garden spaces out in the pouring rain (that’s a PRIVILEGE in SoCal—and don’t try to convince me otherwise), and stopped trying to check every single thing off my to-do list. I gave myself permission to slow down in major ways. I stopped pushing for accomplishment, and I found that I felt I had actually fulfilled more than I normally would because I allowed myself to fully connect with what I chose to do and didn’t engross myself with the stress that would typically pull me into the next task. The best part of it all was getting to witness the magic of allowing myself this play time. I certainly cleaned, but that’s also and unending aspect of life, so I didn’t concern myself with spotless surfaces or putting away my paint and markers because I knew I was bound to pick them up again. I feel very grateful that I was in a position to say no, and I acknowledge that this isn’t a privilege we all share.

If we are looking for the best ways to “spring forward”, what does that truly mean and what does that take? Spring begins in five days time, which means we are still in Winter. If I am a seed (heads up-we all are!) what kind of nourishment does it take for me to grow? Am I asking too much of myself and expecting more outward action from a time that is meant for rest? I cannot unearth myself until the Sun beckons me, but in the meantime I can send down roots to gather what is needed, so that I am ready to flourish with utmost vitality when that time comes.

These days of pause have enabled me to set myself up for ease in the future. In this restful time I’ve taken inventory of the things that matter to me most, and made a set place for my spoken values to truly fit into my life. This is spring cleaning, tending to the seed that I am.

Spring cleaning is coloring in the rest of the kid’s menu from Valentine’s Day lunch and putting it in my keepsake box.

Spring cleaning is making the pair of earrings for my mother-in-law, Rosi.

Spring cleaning is writing the very late birthday letter to my best friend and sending it off with the gifts that have been waiting to be received by her.

Spring cleaning is completing a thousand piece puzzle with my god mom.

Spring cleaning is gently pressing and folding the tissue paper from my new rock climbing shoes, because I will surely use it to wrap another gift, and then asking myself where it will go along with the other pieces I’ve randomly saved for this specific purpose. This leads me to the closet to make a storage area for them. Finally. Now when I need to quickly put my gifts together, I have a place to go.

Spring cleaning is taking myself to pick flowers and putting them in a vase upon my return home.

Spring cleaning is sunbathing with my dog in the sunshine coming through the skylight.

Spring cleaning is finishing one of the three paintings I started months ago. Spring cleaning is starting three more.

Spring cleaning is watching a wildlife documentary with my roommate and serving them a dish I made with every single plant picked from the garden.

Spring cleaning is crying all the tears I forgot to shed about the things I was hurt by.

Spring cleaning is spending time in prayer, unlocking every wish I've ever made, frozen in the winters of my disbelief.

Spring cleaning is me dealing with my mess and my creations in my own way.

I’ve been a seed my whole life, and each year I grow into something more beautiful, more resilient. Every season teaches me something new, and I carry that with me as I shed my seeds to grow forth in the Spring to come.