The Spectator

It was dark, my conscious mind seemed to have started its grinding gears of thought and logic as I started to take action, opening my eyes to the innocent glow of dawn breaking through my windows, subtle but steady, another day would begin again whether or not I would be ready for it.

I reached my hand out onto the bedside out of habit formed through many days of mindless motion, searching for my phone, opening it and met with its blinding glow, I checked the time to confirm that it was still early in the morning, early enough to warrant more time in bed. Tired and undetermined to groom myself for the morning I took to social media and started scrolling on what new things the app would recommend me, photos of funny jokes, posts on the current news, videos of strangers doing dumb things that I would give out small chuckles and laughs to.

What would catch my eye would be posts of friends, pictures of old times, their achievements, their embarrassing times and their fun times, as I scroll through the feed my mind would start to wander into a place of memories and nostalgia, how people would come and go at different points in your life, living through those times hoping it would continue only to be met by the sad reality of things. ‘People move on’ a thought I keep coming back to, a thought I absolutely despise but can’t escape thinking about. I scroll on without noticing that 30 minutes had already pass and the dawn had gotten more brighter ‘time to start the day’ another passing thought, one I knew all too well.

I prepared myself for the day, took a shower, ironed and put on my clothes prepared my bag and other essentials and got ready for school. Getting out of my room I greeted my mom and dad, taking his breakfast dad would make remarks on my schooling if I’m falling behind and whatnot, I would say that its fine reassuring him that I’m not falling behind and maintaining my grades, mom would just be nagging about something again while making breakfast, I would eat quickly and be on my way to avoid another verbal lashing from her.

The day progresses as average as usual, the same dirt road I walk, the same stores I pass by, the same scenery I see everyday, only difference is today seems special. Traffic was more brutal today despite being a day before the weekend, more people seem to be on the streets. People are celebrating on the streets, cheering in joy for an occasion I know nothing about, as I watched them through the window of the jeepney a thought comes to mind ‘Must be nice to be celebrate something’ I’m not one for celebrating holidays or special occasions like valentines or easter, I treat them as any other day and continue on with no special setups that call for a celebration, maybe I’m just that uninterested, apathetic even but I wouldn’t go that far.

I arrive to school later that morning, the road and the sidewalk were full of puddles due to the storm that hit yesterday, floating garbage could be seen and mud piles that would trap any shoe that steps on them. I walk for a few minutes seeing the familiar face of a classmate, someone I didn’t really know that well despite it already being the last month of the semester, never really fit my vibe, didn’t think much to know him now. He greets me as I pass by and starts to walk with me. He talks to me about something random and I respond in kind, after a few exchanges an awkward silence falls on us, I don’t have much to say to this guy about anything, he stops then says before going in that he’ll go with his friend, I give him a nod and proceed inside.

As I entered I could hear loud music coming from my left, there was an event that was going on, I looked to where the sound was coming from and saw a stage, a crowd, chanting and someone’s performance, I didn’t pay it much mind and proceeded to my classroom to start the lectures for the day. Today’s college lectures were more relaxed, probably due to the school event going on that other departments were part of, there was 1 lecture, a few seatwork's and self study but nothing for the most part, the instructors were busy organizing and coordinating the event, ‘really why have class today if there was gonna be an event? kind of backwards’ I thought kind of irritated with the situation today but nonetheless I push on with my day.

Finally the day was done and I could go home, the event was still going on but I didn’t give it much attention, why should I? none of my classmates or friends were part, come to think of it I didn’t see them today, probably skipped out on class because they knew what today would be, a lot of trouble would’ve been avoided if they told me. On my way home many groups of students roamed the side of the school, some eating, some in deep conversation, some laughing and having a good time, their cheery demeanor and warm smiles make me envious, a lot of them taking pictures to commemorate this moment, some of them I recognize but don’t want to interrupt, I’m not part of their group after all, after a short walk to bus stop I get on a jeepney and head home.

As I got home, I set my bag aside at the sofa, and sat down on it, my siblings were home and took care of things here already. As I laid there I began to reflect on my day, my mind wandering again to the many thoughts I had, many things had taken place a festival of sorts on the streets, events at school, and the cheer that was in the air, all that didn’t include me cause I couldn’t care enough to participate, just watching as always while everyone had their fun ‘another day huh’ I reflected hoping the next day would be any different. As the fatigue was getting to me, still in my uniform I fell asleep.