The Radical Act of Self-Acceptance

I undressed for bed and looked at myself. Really looked.

Why are hotel lights so unforgiving?

I saw a bloated stomach from the evening meal, bulges under bra straps, thighs with slightly dimpled skin. And my pores … I hadn’t noticed how big they’d gotten, or how dull my hair looked in the light.

I would never look like one of those girls. The filtered ones. The ones we know aren’t real and yet still try to emulate.

Google opened, I searched for solutions. Diet pills, retinoids, Botox. Anything to slim me down and smooth me out.

Know the feeling?

Just imagine the money we’d save and the peace we’d find if we could learn to accept the way we look. But in our appearance-obsessed societies, that’s easier said than done.

Where does negative body image come from anyway?

Research by the Mental Health Foundation suggests that we form our body image based on a variety of factors. This includes the way our friends, families and peers speak about our appearance, as well as our exposure to unrealistic standards of beauty through media and social media.

It’s no secret that social media sites have come under fire for their part in the online prevalence of filtered images. In fact, they’re so prevalent that Selfie Dysmorphia is a widespread concern. Many plastic surgeons have reported that their patients no longer want to look like their favourite celebrities, but rather like an edited photo of themselves.

According to Social Comparison Theory, we human beings use each other as measuring posts, evaluating ourselves in comparison to one another. So, now that we’re not only competing with models and celebrities but the filtered versions of ourselves, it’s no wonder we struggle to accept our lazy eyes, wonky noses and wobbly stomachs.

And while evolutionary psychology suggests that our ideals of beauty are biological adaptations and a part of human nature, our bodies are also social constructs, moulded and manipulated by societal pressures.

No wonder the beauty industry is booming.

The global beauty market is currently worth 603 billion U.S. dollars, and it’s projected to grow to around 758 billion U.S. dollars by 2025. While massive, this figure is unsurprising.

We see the same type of pretty plastered all over our screens and we strive to duplicate it. The cosmetic companies show us how. Supposedly. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had a face cream that minimised my pores, nor a hair mask that truly strengthened and lengthened.

Many tout cosmetics as a positive, as something that lets them express their creativity and helps to build their confidence.

And there’s no denying that the beauty industry has made strides in becoming more diverse and inclusive over the years with many brands pushing body-positive messages. But while these messages are welcome, they’re not without their flaws.

Take Nair’s ‘Lightning Thighs’ ad. It promotes a powerful message — ‘Worship yourself and the world will follow.’ But I suspect that the world will only follow those with smooth legs.

Or Sure’s ‘Watch Me Move’. It’s wonderful that Sure has created an ad that encourages people of all different body types to engage in physical activity. They just don’t want you to sweat while you do it.

So, while campaigns such as these may be heading in the right direction by reflecting society’s want to make beauty and advertising more diverse, their underlying goal is still the same — to push sales.

Our insecurities are business opportunities.

Our hang-ups equal big bucks.

Breaking the cycle.

Negative body image isn’t a simple thing to dismantle whether it stems from having been bullied as a child or from striving to duplicate the look of unrealistic, heavily altered images.

But just imagine if we could break the cycle. If only we could realise that laughter lines are keepsakes from years of joy, stretch marks are reminders of our shapeshifting abilities, and asymmetry is interesting, not ugly.

Our bodies tell the stories of our lives. Why should we want them all to be the same?

Stay away from people who make derogatory comments about your appearance, appreciate your body for the wonderful vessel it is, and practise your positive self-talk because, in the words of Caroline Caldwel, “In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.”

The takeaway.

Having the tools to change our looks can be empowering. The way we present ourselves to the world is a huge part of our identity. But our appearances are also a pain point for many of us as we struggle to conform to cultural ideals.

We live in appearance-obsessed societies where good looks appear to equal good fortune. Our insecurities are constantly poked, prodded and manipulated by the images on our screens and by the marketers who work on behalf of beauty companies.

But change is coming, and you can be a part of it.

Go out into the world and marvel at the people around you instead of those on your screen. Embrace your product-free skin, naked eyes, and free-flowing hair. Understand that everything is not as it seems. And above all, don’t entertain people who make you feel bad about yourself.

You are so much more than your looks. We all are.

And in case you were wondering, I didn’t get the retinoids, Botox or diet pills. Instead, I read a book before falling into a deep, peaceful sleep. The next morning, I woke up hankering for a big breakfast and feeling a whole lot better about that hotel mirror.