The Neverending Toilet Trip

Hello, my name is Holly, I'm 22 years old, I'm a care worker who also likes to sing and I suffer with Irritable Bowel Syndrome or 'IBS', mainly triggered by stress and anxiety.

I've linked a video by the Youtube channel 'Healthsketch' explaining the basics of what IBS is, just in case you don't completely know or just want more information.

I was first diagnosed with IBS C (constipation) at the beginning of January 2020. I hope that by writing this, I can show others that may suffer with it that they aren't alone in finding ways to relieve the pain and getting help.

I first had symptoms of IBS when I woke up during the night on the 13th January around 3am with quite severe pain in my abdomen that kept me awake. I was also experiencing bloating, nausea and passing gas often. My mum eventually came into my room to ask why I was moaning and groaning, and I told her that it was just a stomach ache. I then went back to sleep until 4:30am to get up to go to start work at 5:30am.

I was initially quite passive about it since I'm generally a healthy person and I went to my workplace, a local bakery, as if it were a normal day. My job involved lots of heavy lifting and generally being on my feet for 12 hours so that day proved very difficult and had gotten worse throughout the day. I eventually told my manager that I wasn't feeling well and she was quite passive and joked that I could be pregnant. I responded with a chuckle that there's no way I could be.

My manager wasn't the nicest person and had controversial views on mental health, which didn't help me at all when my work ethic and performance was slipping due to the condition.

From that moment on, the stomach pains were getting worse and I was experiencing quite severe back pain. I started to get really stressed about why I was feeling the way I was. It got to the point that I had to call the doctor and get an appointment. I went to the doctors around four times during January before they signed my off from work. During that time, the symptoms weren't as bad and I felt a little more relaxed but when I went back to work for a shift after two weeks sick leave, they started to return and get worse. So, I got two more weeks sick leave to try and sort this out.

During this time, I started to put together why my symptoms were worse at work than home or anywhere else: I was anxious and stressed about work and noticed that I was being picked on by my manager and that it had been happening for over a year and I only just clocked it. As soon as I figured that out, I handed in my notice but I was so terrified of talking to her that I handed it in to my work friend so that I wouldn't have the inevitable anxiety attack while explaining myself.

However, whether I liked it or not; I had to face her.

When I eventually went back to work, I had to fill out an electronic 'return to work' form and during that, my manager was sitting there with me to submit it after I was done typing. She asked me whether I was ready to come back to work and I was so tensed up and anxious that I started to cry because I knew how she would react. She called me childish and dramatic. She snapped at me multiple times to stop crying and it just made me cry more.

This carried on for half an hour before we made a mutual decision to set my leaving date for that morning and I left at 7am, drowning myself in my own tears. Later that day, I called my mum and boyfriend about what had happened, and they were shocked to hear what I had to say but were very supportive of me making that decision.

I spent the next two months unemployed and trying to find remedies for my symptoms. However, it had been a while and I wasn't earning any money so I began looking for a new job, but I decided I wouldn't ever want to return to working in retail.

I eventually found a job as a care assistant in a nursing home for people with dementia. I started in May and was feeling a lot better and felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was okay for the next few months so there's not much to say.

Skip ahead to November 2020 when my anxiety had begun to get worse. To cut a long story short, it was a similar situation to my old manager except it was a senior carer that heavily affected me. I was calling in sick every other day due to the same IBS pains as before and have been signed off since the start of this December. I'm currently on authorised sick leave. I had to call the doctor multiple times during the month and have an ultrasound scan scheduled on my birthday (23rd December) to eliminate any serious problems and hopefully that'll give me more information.

To conclude my year, it has been hard and confusing, but I've slowly been able to find ways to relive pain and still enjoy my hobbies and general life. Of course, it has its ups and downs with a seemingly never-ending toilet trip, going back and forth from my room to the bathroom. I hope this has given you some idea of what living with IBS is like and that this has some relatability.

You're not alone in this.