Sometimes the Shadows Win

So many helpful blogs focus on managing personal anxieties and mental illness. This is a wonderful trend in media, and helps many people find ways to keep their minds from dragging them into the void, but it doesn't address what happens when you encounter someone who chooses not to manage their anxiety in a positive way. We know that all the good advice in the world is completely useless if it is ignored. Just as we all know that it's extremely difficult to force people to see that the way they choose to "handle" their problems isn't always the healthiest path.

Recently, I lost my dream job due to this type of scenario. My boss opened a brand new business, hired me to manage it, started building a client base, and within four months was so overwhelmed with anxiety about things both within and outside of her control that she decided to close down the business entirely. This was a major inconvenience for everyone involved. I was out of a job, our clients no longer had the quality local services they were promised, and my boss had to handle a bunch of disappointed, irate people while trying to sell her freshly renovated facilities.

Now, there's a whole lot we could unpack from this, but getting into industry specifics isn't going to help anybody, and honestly this is a very drastic example of being negatively impacted by someone else's poorly managed mental health issues. That being said, here are some things that could have minimized this disaster from my end.

COMMUNICATION

When your very talkative boss starts making the minimum necessary contact with you to make sure you're not dead, do not assume it is just because their life suddenly got extra busy elsewhere. Check in with people. Make sure you and your person with poor anxiety management skills are still on the same page about things that affect you both. This will allow you to soothe any ruffled feathers before they reach apocalyptic level, or at least be mentally prepared for the end times when they arrive. Take it from me, getting hit out of the blue with the information that everything you thought was going swimmingly is now on the chopping block is not a good personal mental management strategy.

CONTINGENCIES

Have an escape route prepped for yourself in case of disaster. Beyond a certain point, dealing with the fallout from their breakdown is fully the responsibility of the person who broke down. You have your own mental health to manage, and your own life to keep on track, and that is 100 percent OKAY. Try to avoid getting pulled into their downward spiral.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EMOTIONS

Sob in the shower. Scream. Break a stick against a tree. Write an angry tear stained letter to the person who has just thrown you off course. Call your mom, or your best friend. Just don't let yourself pretend that you are not affected by the events instigated by this person. Finding healthy ways to vent your anger and frustration over those events, and the poor self care that led to them, will help you maintain as much balance as possible in your own mind.

FORGIVE

Nobody is perfect. We all know that. At the end of the day, you must remember that holding on to negative emotions for the long term will only keep the negativity in your life, waiting around to damage your mental health or your future relationships.

Honestly, everybody is going to handle themselves differently in crisis mode. Hopefully these tidbits can help you find the best way to keep yourself sane when others do their unintentional best to tip you over into the deep. I wish you all the best of luck in avoiding the black holes created by those who either don't acknowledge, or handle poorly their mental health issues.