Sex Positivity saves lives

Wow… where do I begin. First I want to start with this important link for sex workers: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfLx0ip3i5fB7WoAxZ2SVMQm7Zql0ZeVjXv_B6ciW989aCBaw/viewform

This actually takes anyone that needs funds to support themselves as sex workers to receive financial and/ or emotional support. I could tell you my own story around sexuality - growing up in a either fear based, shame based, or numb reality around sex. As a queer closeted person I heard so many negative things about what it meant to be a good Christian and nothing that I did could have changed my realization of my queerness and the vow I made to myself to never express this part of myself.

I started off hiding my body especially when I was in 4th or 5th grade. My new body attracting any attention especially male attention left me scarred and I never wanted to be “violated” again. I am painting a picture of my upbringing because I never imagined that I could be an out sexual person. I struggled so much with my growing body, my sexual orientation, religious trauma, that I was left with no identity. I felt like every bad thing in the world was my fault and that I did not deserve to be healthy and loved so I continued self destructive behaviors.

If I would have had sex positivity then I could have known that my attractions weren’t something to be avoided or ashamed of. Also if you are a masculine person or born male having a healthy sexuality not based on conquering a woman in a violent way but actively against sexist oppression this could heal a lot of people from a young age on. Developing a relationship where you don’t use love to cope but only to take care of ourselves and each other in a consensual way.

The thing that religion can do is make so many rules around sexuality and was is acceptable or not. Of course this act should be legal, but everyone regardless of class, gender, ability, and orientation should know what healthy sexuality should be. I think what harms our society is that sex is looked at as something to hide. If you do hide it you are accepted up until a certain age ( 18 and above) but if you do not hide it you can be violently attacked or shamed.

When I realized that I was repressed I was an adult. This was not for any reason, even after celebrating other black queer women I could not see myself expressing myself. My job as a woman now is to live as my identity and do this in a healthy way.

The process of embodying what a healthy sexuality is will have to include sex positivity. This is not only for cisgender and straight people. This is for me and for black women in particular that is not for the exploitation of themselves or others.

Sex positivity is basically dismantling shame around sex. I look at is as something that you can choose to do consensually that is not for ego but to increase our own health. It is healthy for all people to engage in this act of intimacy and that is why I think that certain communities are restricted to enjoying it without shame. If you are a straight couple for instance and you are adults it is normalized especially if you are married to have a healthy sex life together. If other communities are shamed and violently attacked ( emotionally or physically) then those communities are less likely to be healthy. There is no violence in sex. I think that if we take sexuality out of the “underground “ and everyone embraces their divine feminine, then we could be a safer society.

As I write this September 1st 2023 I hope this article unlocks some exploration for the reader. I am on my journey of opening up to get into my own body for the sake of health and healing.