RESTART RESET RECLAIM RECOMMIT

When I drove three hours to see the surgeon that had done my lumpectomy I knew before I got there what he was going to say. He was a friend of the family and so I trusted him to remove the suspicious tumor. I decided to have it removed before confirmation about what it was because my reasoning was it would have to be removed anyway. I sat in his office with my best friend who had travelled with me to do the surgery weeks before. She knew me well, my untamed strength and my hidden unspoken vulnerability, so her support meant a lot. Finally, the words were out of his mouth, “You have a very fast-growing breast cancer, which based on size and location means you have to go to the oncologist and surgeon to do a mastectomy ASAP”. The brightness of my smile greeted his words so despite knowing how intelligent I was he asked, “do you understand what I’m saying?”. This was where my wellness journey began.

Being a researcher, I was not satisfied with the efficacy of a mastectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation for triple negative non hormonal breast cancer, so I opted out. And many thought I had mentally opted out of reality as well. The doctors then gave me no more than two years to live and so I plunged myself into the world of naturopathic medicine and the concept of wellness. I had been involved in the HIV/AIDs response as a development specialist since 2006 and so I am well aware of the world’s definition of health. It was not only the absence of disease but an overall wellness. So being healthy does not only mean not being sick but being in a state of overall wellness. And this puzzled me, what was this wellness?

My journey to heal cancer and recover my health led me down many paths. I did everything and anything I read, and I was usually able to read as much as one hundred articles a day as a researcher, so it was insane how many things I tried. And despite what people think there are still very severe side effects involved in naturopathic treatments, just that many do not have life threatening or long-term destructive impact. I moved from one hundred and sixty to one hundred and five pounds in about eight months. And despite my weight loss looking like the star ‘walker’ of the Walking dead Series, I could walk quite a few miles easily and no longer burned from the sun like I use to. Additionally, my skin glowed radiantly with its new twenty years younger look.

I had many healing crises from nausea to brain fog, but the cancer cells went quicker than I had expected. I was cancer free after a year and I often joked that, “cancer could not possibly want to live in a body I didn’t”. Unfortunately, my immune system just would not reboot, which meant I did not regain weight and was still weak and fatigued much of the time. This led me to investigate the spiritual, emotional, and mental sides of my wellness. And with it I uncovered many childhood and relational scars and mental health challenges that needed examination to heal. It was a journey I had begun years before when I stopped taking anti-depressants, but now I had to be more forceful because my life hinged on it. So many creative visualizations, talk therapy, journaling and prayer sessions later I was getting there, but it wasn’t until an haphazard talk with a German doctor identified sleep and melatonin and serotonin levels which proved to be the final culprits that needed resolution.

So, the beginning of each year since has been a renewal of my personal commitment to keep going on this journey of wellness. Severe disease takes years and even decades to manifest and so it will take time to become whole and living in optimized health. And, now my days have useful routines that include all spheres of wellness including simple things like breathing deeply, laughing long, having meaningful connections with others, lots of water and just avoiding unnecessary negativity. I still live a life of service but am more honest to admit my own needs and inabilities at times that require my priority attention over that of others. And, after a stressful situation and return to old diets a couple of years back I did have two recurrences of cancer in my lymph nodes and my uterus. Was I scared? A little. But I now had the knowledge and skills to respond effectively and again very quickly to have these issues resolved. I had to quickly restart what I knew I had committed to because my health was now a lifestyle not a plan.

I live now in that mindset of wellness where I ensure all sides of me are okay. My physical, mental, emotional, social, and even financial. Within all those areas are subsets that need attention. It is very easy to fall back into old learned habits. This is why, many people say that their health conditions are hereditary when really the only thing hereditary are the bad practices handed down generationally. But worse these habits keep the bound to sickness. My encounter with cancer was considered genetic with my Dad and I suffering at the same time, while my aunt, uncle, and grandfather had succumbed to reproductive cancers as well. But my contention was my siblings with the same disposition did not trigger that gene and so I realize I had an element of choice in the matter. And I could turn it off and try my best to keep it off. This is a choice many of us have but refuse to take responsibility for.

So, my health lifestyle includes firstly, living slowly in a quiet area where nature is easily seen and experienced this balances my hormones and calms my mind. I am prone to being a workaholic by nature, so I had to sacrifice a fast-paced life to secure a longer life. Secondly, I eat as near to creation as I can, avoiding as best as possible GMOs, too much meat and chemicals while I exercise with long walks and working out in the gym. Third, I love patiently and still give much to others especially those less fortunate but, I am wiser to ensure that I protect my energies and resources so I can live to fight another day. I let go of dead things including situations that I am no longer able to give joy to. And I invest more in experiences with my kids and family which helps them heal from the crippling fears of almost losing a loved one. Our little low budget family trips have been a down sized version of the ones before cancer but are no less enjoyable and a humbling blessing. To have the opportunity to be here with them when so many I have known on the journey are not, forever remains a reason to always give thanks.

My resolutions for the year are to live well and let wellness continue to be what I do as well as what I promote. It is encouraging when others around you are also taking charge of their own well being too, especially in a time of a global pandemic. So the renewal to wellness and expanding or adjusting the boundaries of my life to ensure my wellbeing, is what’s new this year and every year as I keep living.

So far, I have a gym membership renewed in its second year and even without friends I make it my duty to go work out and my body looks grateful. I have even used the quiet weekends to take the kids with me and they have found some cool things to do with bouncy balls. I keep eating simple and the farmer’s market dollar rack is interesting and my own backyard garden has come a long way. The mini vacation family trips are going on monthly and including new COVID 19 protocol helps us to keep experiencing the world around us. Last but not least, enjoying by being present, in my alone times driving or walking and in the simple moments at home with the kids and family.