My Struggles

Three things about me: I am profoundly deaf, I am mixed, and I am a woman. I am struggling in this time of the year. Recently, Two months ago, I lost a really good job which I loved it. Since then, I'm having a hard time to find a good paying job to support all of my unpaid rent and bills. Most of the jobs declined due to my deafness. The assessment tests, i hate it, of course. I'm not the smartest person in the world but it doesn't mean I am not capable of working harder. I work hard to survive this through and trying to keep floating but it has been becoming harder not to drowning.

I signed up on a few side business as well. I am not sure if it's effective enough but I keep trying. I keep telling myself, you know, saying, "it's going to be okay." Oh damn, it has been HARD to keep trying and thinking positive in this enormous mixed feelings. I followed a few good influencers on Instagram, and Youtube like Lewis Howes for example. There was a short video of Lewis Howes said something hindsight now. I didn't understand what "Hindsight" means. So, i went on doing a little researching to understanding what 'hindsight" really means. Hindsight is like a realization or understanding of the past had happened to gain. Back at the time, it was really hard to understanding what was happening to see through all the chaos.

So, I tell myself to hindsight, hindsight and hindsight to basically get through it and then try to understand the patterns that happened later. I looked back and seeing all those odd jobs I applied to. They were all due to my deafness and also, of course, a pandemic that requires everyone to wear a mask. That made it harder for me to get an actual job that is supposedly to support all my unpaid bills. That made it harder for everyone to try to "talk" to me while wearing a mask because i couldn't read lips through their masks.

Deafness doesn't magically become hearing for a day. Once I am profoundly deaf and It is always profoundly deaf, period. So, how can I communicate with them? Bring a pen and paper to communicate? No problem. Gesturing in any way they may understand what they and I trying to communicate? No problem. Have a live transcribe app for them speak translating to type on my phone? No problem! So, what is the actual problem? The actual problem is that they won't acknowledge for they are doing. They won't try to willing because they feel it's a lot of a "hassle" to do.

Yes, I am saddened, confused, and frustrated at all of this going on in my time of the year. Knowing it is tough that we are still in a pandemic in the States. I am hoping in next months will bring a little bright, shining silver lining, somehow. So, I hope you can contribute to my struggling story if you can. I hope your day is good. I hope your night gets a good sleep. I hope you are doing okay out there as I am trying. Thank you for reading mine.