When I received the diagnosis that I had Lyme Disease and Tick Borne Relapsing Fever Borrelia SPP I called my parents, my boyfriend, texted my boss, my sister, the girls in book club and my friends. I wanted run outside and shout the news at the top of my lungs. Which makes sense for the people closest to me that watched the struggle over the months and were cheering me on to find a diagnosis. I also found myself telling folks that may have never knew I was sick the accountant at work, a relative I see a few times a year, the lady that makes my coffee every morning, my boyfriends friends, and the list goes on. However, my boyfriend pointed out (in a loving way) that it was all I wanted to talk about and I told everyone that I came across.
I didn’t just blurt it out randomly but it would probably come up in conversation or I would find a way to mention it. Looking back, there were a few reasons contributing to this pattern that I am still trying to kick ( or maybe just not talk about Lyme as much) the habit.
Projecting My Insecurities
When it came to work and other responsibilities I wasn’t fully focused, sick, and not working to my potential. When I told clients and co workers it was my way of saying “hey sorry I haven’t been living up to my end.” Or “see I’m usually much more on top of my work.” My friends that I have known for a long time would mention things like its never like you to be late or to forget plans. So it was my way of saying “I’m sorry guys this is what was going on” and for new friends I was very self conscious about being flaky, jittery, and anxious I was saying “hey this isn’t me”. Finally, for people that I don’t see often or they probably saw me at my worst it was my way of saying “hey I’m not really this much of a mess” or “I know I look tired and like I haven’t slept in six months but I’m really sick”.
During the ten months I was sick I was looking in the mirror at someone that had aged, looked tired, and was falling apart but couldn’t put my fingers on why. I was watching myself go from being a reliable friend to someone that always had to cancel plans at the last minute and watching a my career take a hard hit because I could barely make it through a forty hour work week. I was hard on myself during that time, and asking why can’t I pull it together? Once I received the diagnosis I was ready to tell everyone “I’m back, and my insecurities are leaving with the Lyme!”
Proving People Wrong
While I was sick I got a lot of “ What if it’s just your lifestyle” or “It’s just your anxiety” from others. During that time I left several doctors appointments in tears because they would blame the symptoms on anxiety or the pandemic and it was all in my head. Even if you weren’t someone who doubted me or my Lyme I felt that I had something to prove and the more I talk about it the more I am proving everyone wrong about what was going on. My way of shouting “see something was actually wrong with me!” You may have never known about my journey or you may have never doubted me but I am shouting I have Lyme, as part of the healing process.
Awareness
I live in an area where Tick Borne Illnesses are common yet not until month eight did someone say “Do you think you have Lyme?” Since, going through this I have become part of the Lyme Community and want to do my part to raise awareness. When I find myself in a conversation with others about Lyme I have to stop myself from spewing off random facts about why most people don’t see the rash or the tick, why there are so many false negatives on testing and so on. I knew Lyme Disease existed and I knew going out into the woods was a risk but I didn’t know how complicated it was, the lack of information and controversy from the medical world.
If you know me or even run into me I am probably going to tell you at some point that I have Lyme, which for me has become part of the healing process along with raising awareness. If it annoys people I’m doing my best.


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