How To Talk About Therapy Without Being That Friend

Even today, sometimes talking about mental health treatment feels like you’re a Jehovah’s witness banging on someone’s front door.

And by that I mean: it still can come across as asking people to indulge in a belief that requires faith and indoctrination, rather than an objective tool with scientific support.

That being said, how do you discuss the benefits of therapy and other mental health services without carrying the stigma and charge around it?

1. De-escalate the topic

Talking about mental health shouldn’t feel like a confessional. These conversations can be unnecessarily charged with embarrassment or excessive vulnerability. You’re not talking about an STD at the dinner table — no need to whisper.

Often, I mention my therapist or therapy in conversation. I don’t pause to discuss the details of my mental health necessarily, but I bring these terms into conversation to illustrate that this is just another part of my life; not one that defines me more significantly than anything else.

Additionally, I strive to extend this behavior into my professional life. For example, I will share that I need to leave a meeting to go to my therapy session or have it visible on my public calendar. It’s not something that should be associated with shame, and treating it normally has had a great impact on discussing mental health in the workplace.

2. Sharing tangible benefits of therapy, even when not “in crisis”

There is a significant belief that therapy is a tool for only when you reach rock bottom. You call Dr. Smith once you’re trapped in a situation you simply cannot get out of, but you don’t call 911 if nothing’s going wrong.

Obviously, this is not the case, but dismantling this belief requires more than just protesting otherwise. Subsequently, I try to talk about instances of when therapy has helped me, even if I didn’t have a problem that “needed fixing”. Here are some examples:

• Teaching me strategies on how to be as supportive as possible when my mom was going through a health crisis
• Creating a pros and cons list with me to help me decide whether I was ready to start dating again
• Helping me decide whether I wanted to move across the country by assisting in organizing my thoughts and priorities
• Giving me a platform to discuss and think through problems that I would generally consider “too small” to discuss with anyone else

These kinds of examples show the utility and continued value of therapy outside of crisis, which can also motivate people who didn’t believe their problems were “big enough” to warrant therapy. I’ve also framed it as a mental health equivalent of a personal trainer — you don’t have to wait until your morbidly obese to start taking care of your physical health. Showing that therapy isn’t simply a curative answer to a disease or significant disposition can have an immeasurable impact on peoples’ willingness to try it.

3. Showing them how simple the process really is.

This was actually the largest perceived barrier to entry for me when I was starting to consider therapy. Finding a therapist, finding a therapist I like, finding a therapist I like that doesn’t break the bank, etc. — this can seem insurmountable.

I was lucky to be recommended Psychology Today’s Find a Therapist website, which actually made the process much easier than I anticipated. Not only could I filter by region and insurance plan, but I could also find therapists specializing in different illnesses and of certain ethnic backgrounds. As someone trying to find a South Asian female therapist in one of the whitest parts of the country, this was a godsend.

Since then, I’ve been asking friends who are considering therapy a few quick questions: what’s your insurance plan, what are you dealing with, and are there any specific characteristics you’re looking for in your therapist. After inputting that information into the website, I’ll send them a few links to therapists that meet their criteria — all within minutes. Even if they don’t reach out, understanding that I was able to find someone meeting their requirements so quickly dismantles the belief that it’s simply too hard to find a therapist. At least they have to now find a different excuse :)

So, there you have it. Hopefully I’ve equipped you with a few strategies that can help you chip away at the topic of therapy without being overly intrusive. And if you have any strategies of your own, I’d love to hear them!