How I Stopped Apologizing for Existing

I used to say “sorry” for everything.

Sorry when I spoke too loudly.

Sorry when I didn’t speak at all.

Sorry for needing help.

Sorry for asking questions.

Sorry for being too quiet, too emotional, too sensitive, too me.

Somewhere along the way, I picked up the belief that my existence was inconvenient — like I was taking up space I hadn’t earned, or breathing air meant for someone more important. I apologized constantly, reflexively, even when no apology was needed. I apologized for existing — not in words exactly, but in the way I moved, the way I dimmed my light so others wouldn’t be uncomfortable.

But one day, something changed.

The Beginning of Unlearning

I remember the moment it clicked. I was in the grocery store, fumbling with my cart in a crowded aisle. I accidentally brushed shoulders with someone. They glared at me. I felt heat rush to my cheeks. “Sorry!” I said with the weight of someone who had broken a bone, not just bumped into a stranger.

They didn’t respond. They walked away.

I stood there, frozen. Not just because of that interaction, but because I had heard myself. Not just the word — sorry — but the energy behind it. It wasn’t about politeness anymore. It was about permission. Like I was asking the world to allow me to be here.

That moment unraveled something in me.

Why was I always shrinking?

Why did I feel like I owed the world an apology for being human?

Where It All Started

Growing up, I was the “easy child.” The one who didn’t cause problems, didn’t cry too loudly, didn’t complain. I learned that quietness was praised, that compliance meant approval. I got good at reading people — adjusting myself to avoid disapproval or rejection.

But underneath that people-pleasing was fear. Fear of not being liked. Fear of being too much. Fear of being not enough. So I apologized. For my opinions, my emotions, my dreams.

I didn’t realize until much later that my constant apologizing wasn’t humility. It was a learned response to believing I had no right to stand tall.

The Slow Process of Reclaiming Myself

Stopping the apologies wasn’t an overnight thing. It was slow, layered, and sometimes messy.

It began with awareness. I started catching myself every time I said “sorry” when I wasn’t actually sorry. Like when I said sorry for needing help at work. Or when I apologized because I didn’t want to go out one weekend. Or when I said “sorry” just because someone bumped into me.

Every time, I would pause. Ask myself, “Am I really sorry — or am I trying to shrink?”

Sometimes I replaced it with “thank you.”

Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” I said, “Thank you for waiting.”

Instead of “Sorry for asking,” I said, “Thank you for your time.”

That shift changed everything.

Building Boundaries Without Guilt

As I became more mindful of my apologies, I realized how often they were tied to my lack of boundaries. I used “sorry” to cushion my “no,” to soften my truths.

Learning to set boundaries without guilt was hard. But it was essential. It felt like building muscle — uncomfortable at first, but stronger with practice.

I said no to things that drained me.

I allowed myself to rest without feeling lazy.

I stopped over-explaining myself to feel worthy.

The world didn’t fall apart. People didn’t abandon me. And most importantly — I didn’t abandon myself.

Rewriting the Story in My Head

One of the most powerful changes happened internally. I had to rewrite the story I was telling myself — the one that said I was a burden, that I had to earn my place.

I replaced those thoughts with truth:

I am allowed to take up space.

I am not “too much.” I am just right for the life meant for me.

My existence isn’t an inconvenience — it’s a contribution.

I do not owe the world an apology for being who I am.

These weren’t affirmations I said once and magically believed. They were thoughts I practiced, slowly, every time the old patterns tried to creep back in.

A New Way of Being

Now, I don’t flinch when someone disagrees with me.

I don’t apologize for needing time alone.

I don’t apologize for dreaming big or speaking up.

I don’t apologize for existing.

There are still moments when the urge returns — when I feel the old reflex to say “sorry” because I’ve inconvenienced someone by simply being. But now I notice it. I pause. I choose differently.

And every time I choose not to shrink, I grow a little more.

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The Moral of the Story

We are not here to apologize for being human. We’re here to live — fully, freely, imperfectly. The world doesn’t need us smaller. It needs us real. Whole. Honest. Alive.

So if you’ve ever felt like you had to earn your right to exist, I want you to hear this clearly:

You don’t. You already belong. You are enough. Just as you are.

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Thank you for reading...

Regards: Fazal Hadi