History of the Simulationist Church

At some point a group splintered from the mainstream simulationist church. They remained convinced of the correctness of the simulation hypothesis and in their beliefs did not stray far from the eighteen (known) maxims of the simulationist’s creed. The first maxim explains that the universe, our world, and all things within (a part of) it are the simulation (are simulated). This includes us. The second says that the basis of the simulation is a quantum computer of near/actual infinite energy and thus has randomness “baked” in, ergo the simulation has randomness “baked” in, therefore predestination is impossible in the simulation. While the third maxim says that free will exists in the simulation only in so much as the parameters of the simulation code (physical/natural laws) allow. The creed has nothing to say about the purpose of the simulation though it does at least allude to its creators, the so-called simulators, who were/are ultra intelligent beings, not Gods, but possessing what we would consider God-like powers.

This splinter group called themselves correlationalists, more specifically, astrocorrelationists, because they had come to believe that the positions and movements of the various celestial bodies in our universe, primarily the stars and planets, at a person’s exact time of birth (down to the hour) could be correlated with any given human mental or physical disease state or disorder. The astrological system of the correlationists went much further than traditional astrology, at least of the western variety; which concerns itself exclusively with matters of human relationships and personalities, basically only the mental aspects of the human condition. Their system had nothing to say about whom you should marry, or what job you might be best suited for, or even what personality type you might be based on a modern psychological personality classification system like Myers-Brigg, but it did have a lot to say about the physical aspects of each of us. They hypothesized that this information, if known, could be used by doctors as a diagnostic tool to provide an early warning to their patients with certain correlations allowing them to take steps to avoid the predicted disease state.

It is important to understand that even though the second maxim of simulationalism says that because of the quantum basis of the supercomputer within which the simulation exists “predestination is impossible”, simulationalism is in fact a deterministic religion. It is a concept that is very difficult for many lay persons and even simulationists to grasp, and many do not understand it or choose to ignore it. However, in simulationalism everything that happens in your life and in the lives of everyone else around you, everything that has happened, is happening, or will ever happen in the universe, was programmed into the base code at the time of run program. Some ‘randomness’ is baked in vis a vis the quantum aspects of the computer running the program, nevertheless it is still a program, and, just like our own primitive computers within the simulation, it must be executed exactly as defined by the code of which it is composed.

Simulationalism teaches that through the process of simulational submersion (aka transsubsimulation) certain people would come to learn of the true nature of our universe as a simulation and themselves as simulated beings existing within it. The first of these woke persons was Swedish philosopher Nicolas Bostrom, the man who ‘proved’ the correctness of the simulation hypothesis in a landmark paper which simulationists consider a core founding document and a sacred text. His role in the church is controversial. Many consider him a holy prophet, but others strongly disagree. Despite how they may feel about the role of Nick Bostrom, all simulationists believe that the woke people would be the ones who would spread the truth to the world about the simulated nature of the universe and us within it. Unlike mainstream simulationists, the correlationists were convinced that the simulators had ‘planted’ information within the simulation in various secret and cryptic forms only discoverable by those they had chosen. The correlationists themselves were split roughly down the middle between those who believed those secrets were to be found through the development and use of alchemical signs and symbols, the alchemicorrelationists, and those who thought they were to be found in the heavens, in the positions and movements of the celestial bodies, the astrocorrelationists. The astrocorrelationists had the significant advantage in terms of overall influence within the simulation as their members included some of the wealthiest and most influential people from technology and business the world had ever known. Many simulationalists called them crazy, and no doubt some were, but the astrocorrelationists had math and logic on their side. Much like the simulation hypothesis itself a convincing argument can be made for the correctness of their position. It also has the advantage of being straightforward and simple enough for even a person with limited training in mathematics or logic to grasp. The reason has to do with the vastness of the universe compared to the relatively small number of humans that currently and have ever lived in it. While the exact number is probably not knowable the number of observable celestial bodies (stars, planets) in the universe (upon which astrological predictions could possibly be made using our most advanced techniques today) is likely between 1 x 10^23 and 1 x 10^24. The number of people that have ever lived and died on earth is estimated to be right around 1 x 10^9. Thus, there is around a 14 order of magnitude (a quadrillion) excess of observable bodies to people that have ever lived. Moreover, according to Simulationist doctrine, those positions and movements were fully predetermined by the base program and will not change, ever, they cannot. Because of this huge excess in celestial bodies to people, the probability that there is a correlation between some positions of these bodies at the time of any given person’s birth with any given disease condition or state (mental or physical) approaches 100%. The trick is finding that correlation (i.e., picking out the correct bodies to measure and determining the appropriate disease traits and how to measure those.)

Though both of those tasks are monumentally daunting and many felt they were impossible, the correlationist’s membership included some of the best and brightest data and computer scientists of the age and they thought that given enough computing power and time they could build a large enough database to make it possible. In the year 2032 they set about trying to do just that using 200 of world’s fastest supercomputers. They supplemented that computational power by surreptitiously coopting every computer with a processor that could connect to the internet via a very clever piece of code provided by one of their most powerful members, who happened to be CEO of the world’s biggest technology company.

In about five years they had their first correlations, but the results were disappointing as statistical analysis showed that the correlations were only slightly stronger than those that would have been given by random chance. Many of their membership quit at that time, but a core group soldiered on. Fortuitously one of those who did not give up was a very well-respected molecular biologist who also happened to be the only female correlationist. Her area of expertise was bioinformatics and she suggested that they include genetic sequence data to the correlation matrix. That idea proved to be genius as they found that by adding only about 10% of an individual’s genome sequence data from specific regions known to be high in polymorphic sequences their correlations were able to make predictions that approached 100% correctness.

In the year 2042 the group known as astrocorrelationalists, a splinter body from the simulationist church, announced that they had succeeded in establishing correlations between the positions of various celestial bodies (planets and stars) and their movements at the time of a person’s birth, in combination with a portion of their genetic sequence data, and their first test disease state, dementia and Alzheimer’s. At that time, it was thought that there were approximately 150 million people living with some form of dementia and it had rapidly become the leading cause of death and disability among the aged as one disease after another had either slowed considerably or had been cured. Heart disease and cancer had all but been eliminated. Kidney, liver, foodborne and human transmitted infectious diseases were also all at their lowest levels ever and some were expected to be eliminated soon. Yet, cases of diseases of the aged, especially those that affected the human brain continued to grow. With the correlatinist’s discovery any individual on the planet, who could afford it, could now know with 100% certainty if they would eventually get dementia or Alzheimer’s disease and potentially take steps now to prevent that outcome.

Some members of the group and the public worried that by providing this information they were in effect altering the future. For the simulationists this meant that they were altering the base program in a way that was thought to be impossible. They feared that the simulators would somehow know about this violation of the source code and would not be pleased. Others argued convincingly that this discovery was in fact the intention of the simulators all along. They had put celestial bodies in their positions in the universe, and they had provided humanity with the knowledge and the means to discover these correlations. Thus, it was their will that we found and used them. Much like any religious argument, there was no ‘right’ answer but the correlationists pressed on with their work discovering more and more correlations for almost every know mental or physical disease state until eventually they had discovered all but one, death itself.

By the year 2052 the average lifespan of a human had reached 150 years. Old age was the now the leading cause of death as all other major diseases of man had been defeated. The only other remaining significant source of deaths was accidents, specifically traffic accidents, but with the advent of fully autonomous self-driving cars in 2045 the number of accidents had reduced significantly and was expected to drop to almost zero by 2055. The correlationists got much of the credit for the rapid expansion in human lifespan that occurred at that time and their association with the simulationist church caused many people to consider its teachings and winning many converts. What happened next is considered by most historians to be the true spark that ignited the massive expansion of the church that has continued to this day.

In the year 2060 approximately 10,000 people volunteered for the first death predictions based entirely on the positions of approximately 1.5 million stars and planets and their motions and each individual’s genetic sequence data from a specific highly polymorphic region within their genome. The correlations for each were as close to 100% as any that had yet been made. Their ages ranged from as young as 18 to as old as 130. The first death was not predicted to occur for twenty years, and it would be a car accident on August 23, 2080. The exact time of the incident could not be predicted but additional analysis during the twenty-year period before the scheduled death date was able to narrow it down to sometime between noon and four pm in the eastern time zone of the former United States of America. The individual whose death was predicted reacted about as well as anyone could under the circumstances. He lived his life exactly as he would have without the information. As the day approached, he did his best to avoid driving any cars or getting into a car or even traveling in an area where cars might be driving. On the day of August 23 he panicked and locked himself in his home. Unfortunately, his home sat in an area that was earthquake prone and there was a 7.2 magnitude quake that day around 1pm that forced him out of his house or risk being crushed under it. He stepped out of the door and was immediately struck and killed by a car which had been thrown from a collapsing overpass some 500 yards from his front door. The driver of the car was also killed but had not been one of the 10,000 volunteers so his death had been unexpected. After this first death the next 500 deaths would occur in 5-30 more years, then 3000 in 30-45 more then the remaining between 45 and 150 years from that first one. Interestingly it was not the youngest volunteer who was predicted to live the longest but instead one from right near the middle of the age range. That person was 60 at the time the predictions were made, and they would not die until June 3, 2290 at 210 years old. The oldest person who had ever lived at that time had only made it to 180 so it was clear that additional medical advancements would occur in the intervening time span allowing for even great extension of lifespan. After the first 200 or so deaths occurred exactly when and exactly in the manner predicted by the correlations the population of the world became convinced of the correctness of the astrocorrelationists and the simulation hypothesis and the simulationist church won many additional converts culminating in it becoming the world’s leading religion in the year 2084, exactly where it has remained until today. Simulators be praised.

From: The History of the Simulationist Church, Chapter XII - The Rise of the Correlationists and the Great Expansion, Archsimulate Thomas Friedl, January 2300