Grief

GRIEF

As I was doing counseling yesterday. After reading my news feed, posts from others hurting and the pain of feeling loss, and stories of people missing I told my counselor the following:

When I was growing up, I don’t recall hearing the word grief. I heard the word death or died. I saw the tears, I attended funerals, I went to people’s homes to eat afterwards and give them hugs and to say these famous words, I am sorry for your loss. Then everyone went home and went right back to life as it was except those with the loss, but sometimes they did too because that was what you just did. No one really understood that they could have done without the food, or everyone at their home for extended periods and that even those the words are kind and thoughtful they carry no real meaning. They carry no empathy of the pain in that person’s heart over that particular loss unless they themselves have felt it or are living with it. They would have rather gone home, laid on their bed with a picture or a piece of clothing or pillow that still smelled liked their loved one and hopefully drifting off to sleep for a sweet dream of memories.

Since, losing my daughter who first went missing, then finding out she had died at the hands of foul play by others and not having her body found, returned or case solved, I said, Grief should be listed in the medical and psychiatric manuals as an illness, chronic illness. It comes from nowhere mostly unexpected. It wreaks havoc on us mentally and physically for days, weeks, moths, and years. It never leaves. It can be acknowledged, treated, go into remission, and lived with but can’t be cured ever. It changes the way we look at life. It changes who we are, and we will never be the same person we were before. It changes the present and the future in one instant. Our bodies hurt, our hearts don’t beat correctly, we can no longer think or stay focused, and to begin with we are numb, and no one knows are pain sometimes because we are smiling though the numbness. But once that shock wears off and the numbness subsides the waves roll in like a hurricane. You never know the timing. There is no time in Grief. There is no straight path to follow to heal in grief. There is only moving forward through it until it and you change out of the cocoon into a new butterfly. One some may never recognize, others will embrace, others will disappear as they no longer no how to react to you, or what to say. Not their fault. Society has driven the norm of Grief way to long, time to wake folks up and let them understand the true impact of Grief. Even Jesus understood grief over many things but for sure his friend Lazarus, whom he even raised from the dead, it says “Jesus Wept.” He gave us this emotion, he gave us the understanding and the time to mourn, and he gave us is strength to continue in a forward motion. Grievers do not move ON; we only move forward.

That is because Grief is Love with no place to go until we find a new place. It is a chronic illness that only changes forms like the flu changes each year. It keeps evolving as we slowly begin to look at it differently learn new ways to treat it. New ways to approach it. New ways to teach others it is ok to grieve, and you should. Human or Animal or Situation in your life that changes and breaks your heart.

As I said, we never leave it or move on, we only learn to wear it like sweet perfume of our loved one’s spirit, as we move forward in the journey.

She agreed. Don’t hide your grief, acknowledge it, treat it, and let it change and move forward in Faith in the unseen and unknown as we make it to the other side. We will rise. Share that loss love with others. “New Words to Say, My heart hurts for you.”

Jewels