Dr. Pusher

For most of my life, I believed that Western Medicine and Pharmacology were far superior and more effective than any other form of healthcare and healing. I mean, they make a pill for everything, right? I am not born of the healthiest family tree, both lineages are riddled with disease and illness. But, when you got sick, you went to the doctor. You got a shot or some pills, and you were good as new in no time. The doctor's office was a safe place. Doctors are the good guys. They save lives. I trusted them.

Around the beginning of November 1994 or so, when I was about 14, I fell ill. I was having a lot of pain in my stomach and didn't feel real well. Soon I was running a high fever and was vomiting bile. Eventually my mother took me to the emergency room, and after a few hours of testing, they discovered my appendix had burst, that I was lucky to be there when I was. They did surgery, kept me for quite awhile, and kept me doped up on Demerol. Demerol is a pretty powerful painkiller, I think, especially for a 14 year old. But I had no complaints at the time. I was high as a kite and happy as a clam. When I was eventually discharged, I was given a prescription for, I believe, Tylenol 4, with refill, which I was allowed to carry and disperse myself.

Shortly after this, I started having a lot of issues with my stomach. Lots of pain, bloating, and cramps, as well as painful diarrhea, blood in the stool, and lots of food issues. The first thing a doctor did for me was prescribe me some Darvocet for the pain. These stomach issues would continue for many, many years. I was in and out of the hospital. I had ALL the tests. I was seen by specialist after specialist. Many diagnoses were given, and lots of medications were tried. The one constant throughout all this, was painkillers. I was always given something for pain.

Then, in the summer of 1999, I was rear-ended by a drunk driver while at a dead stop. I ended up with neck and back issues, the kick-start to a lifetime of musculoskeletal problems, and, yep, more, stronger pain medications. So began a never ending cycle of different doctors appointments, different diagnoses, different opinions on treatment...the constant was narcotics. Opiates. Benzos. Muscle relaxants. I was given it all.

In 2001, I was involved in a rollover accident when I fell asleep at the wheel, which further aggravated my injuries and conditions. I was still having problems with my stomach throughout this time too, with hospitalizations here and there. I pushed through it all, always, with those narcotics the doctors and others would give me. I can honestly admit that by this time it was definitely a coping mechanism, I was definitely self medicating, I was definitely dependent on those pills. But they were all prescribed to me, legally, legitimately, so I didn't identify as anything other than sick. I especially didn't identify as an addict.

Fast forward a few more years and the whole country has picked up on the Opioid epidemic. It's making the headlines. States start shutting down "pill-mills", and stripping the licenses and in some cases, even prosecuting some of the worst offending doctors. That had no effect on me whatsoever. The doctor I had at the time just continued to prescribe all the meds. I did have to start signing a pain contract, stating I wasn't receiving narcotics anywhere else, but no big deal. They started tracking narcotic prescriptions and the pharmacies that filled them a little better. Sometimes I would have to shop around pharmacies because there were shortages, but I never failed to get that script.

In 2013, I had a change in insurance and couldn't continue seeing my treating doctors who prescribed my very important narcotic prescriptions. I was a little worried I would have a hard time given the whole opioid epidemic and the crack down on prescribing narcotics. To my surprise, without issue, I was able to find a primary care physician who would give me my scripts. I had to sign a contract every month and submit to "random" drug screens. He was tolerant of my medical marijuana card so I had no worries. His official diagnosis or reason for my opiate and muscle relaxant prescriptions? Low back pain. No xrays, mris, or other scans (which I have had). Not previous diagnoses like fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, or even chronic pain.

Now around this time I began researching alternative wellness and holistic therapies. It was the very beginning of what has become my "spiritual awakening". I rethought my whole life, including beliefs and philosophies I held onto tightly. I knew I needed a change in life, because I felt stagnant. Although that is yet another story for another time, the path I started down saw me trying to be a better me, and live a healthier life. I relied on the narcotics less and less, having picked up better coping mechanisms and healthier alternatives to pharmaceuticals. I quickly found a side hustle because there is a HUGE black market for prescription drugs. Those "random" drug screens? I was always given a heads up the month before, and I would simply take 1 pill the day of my appointment. It's worked for years. It turns out, they drop me every 3rd month.

Over the last year or so, I have been having more and more health issues, and my pain has been spreading to new areas. I have brought this up to my primary care doctor multiple times, and he dismisses me every time. Yet he writes those prescriptions every month. So I set out on my own to find some answers and some relief. Given the current Covid19 pandemic, getting into a doctor as a new patient is trying at best, but getting into a specialist has been a battle. The one I found and want to see requires my primary care doctor fax over a referral and my recent labs. No problem, right? So I thought wrong. I was informed that the doctor doesn't think I need to see a Rheumatologist. BUT be sure to keep your appointment next week to fill your scripts.

A lifetime of prescription narcotics. I would think that would be reason enough to indeed send me to the specialist and get some more recent testing done to try and determine exactly what is going on. What I have recently learned through my chiropractor and her diagnostic xrays, is that I show signs of RA in multiple places, including my hips and neck. I have bone spurs in multiple places, including my hips, neck, and back. The podiatrist confirmed on his recent xrays that I also have bone spurs in my feet. I also have visible swelling and redness in my legs and hands, where I have a lot of pain. But according to my primary care doctor, I am fine. Just take those pills.

This country's healthcare system is broken. In my experience, almost all doctors are just legal drug dealers. Can we have that discussion now people? Yes, there is most definitely an opioid CRISIS. And I just detailed for you how, and why. Doctors are nothing more than pushers, even receiving kickbacks, bonuses, and stock options and profits from the drug manufacturers. I have been fed narcotics my whole life, now that I am asking why, I am told I am fine, just take the pill. That just doesn't make sense to me. But it does make perfectly clear to me that Dr. Pusher would rather see me an addict than healthy. This healthcare system created a society of addicts. Big business does not belong in medicine.