Confidence Wears Red Lipstick

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words: they become actions. Watch your actions: they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” — Lao Tze

Like many divorced women, one full-time job was not enough to make ends meet. As a nurse, I was lucky; extra jobs were abundant. On Wednesdays, after finishing my shift in the ICU, I walked over to the hospital’s Cardiac Rehabilitation Center to work a few more hours.

Here I watched the heart monitors when patients did their exercise routines. Chest pain and arrhythmia, tolerance, and vital signs were carefully monitored. The cardiac rehab program improved patients’ quality of life, helping them strengthen the heart muscle that was weakened from cardiovascular disease (CVD); heart disease or a heart attack.

Julia was the exercise physiologist on my shift. She designed the patients’ guidelines and exercise programs. She also worked part-time because she had gone back to school to become a physician assistant (PA).

She was a vibrant, full-size woman in her late 20’s. Julia had a big smile and an easy laugh, and she elevated the atmosphere in the often-somber room. Wearing a white shirt, jeans, and high-heeled boots, a hint of fresh cologne hung in the air when she interacted with the patients. They all loved her.

With her head high and a straight posture, she walked as if she owned the world. And Julia wore bright, red lipstick.“Who does she think she is!” squeaked a little mouse in the corner.

Confidence has a language of its own. It is easy to spot a confident person through their body language, their posture, and the way they speak. For a person without this powerful characteristic, it can be developed. But first we need to be aware of what confidence is.

What is confidence?

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” — Peter T. McIntyre

Make no mistake, confidence is a good word. Self-confidence is about being comfortable in our own body and trusting in ourselves; that we can handle the task at hand. It is not about knowing everything, but it is about having a positive belief that we can figure things out; and how to accomplish a goal in the future. Better yet, it is about knowing where to get help when we need it.

This article in Psychology Today, reports that being confident requires a realistic sense of what we know and what we do not know, and to feel secure in that knowledge. Not only is confidence a good personal characteristic that helps us, but it also helps to put other people around us at ease. The older we get, the more we need to feel confident, for our well-being, and the people we love.

The same article informs us that confidence and narcissism are not the same thing. Narcissism is often related to insecurities and defense mechanisms, while confidence makes us feel competent.

Who cares if old people are confident or not?

“Watch your thoughts: they become words. Watch your words: they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.“ — Lao Tze

The repetition of this powerful quote is no mistake. Tattoo the words from Lao Tze onto your mind. It is mind over matter, if you don’t mind, it does not matter. But it matters to me. I have big plans on board: I want to live until I am 113 years old when my youngest grandchild turns 50. If you want to prevent decline and foster independence and well-being, it should matter to you as well.

According to this article, published by PubMed Central (PMC), confidence matters quite a bit for Boomers and their older sisters and brothers. The aim of this article recounts a concept analysis of confidence in the context of older people living with frailty. This is important to the worldwide healthy-aging agenda, that works to prevent the decline in independence and well-being for the growing number of older adults.

The results showed that the three defining attributes of confidence were identified as physical, psychological, and social. Furthermore, it showed that a central feature of personal control influences our internal and external factors. Those control factors can be positive factors or negative factors on our physical health and well-being.

What does “a central feature of personal control” mean? Positive thinking creates a positive influence, and negative thinking creates a negative influence; a glass is half full or the same glass is half empty depending on the influence our thoughts create. Remember, we think with words. Our words influence how we act.

When we act repeatedly in the same way, those actions become our habits. Our habits become a thermostat for our character. In other words, our personality, who we are, is created from our characteristics. Think about this for a minute; what differentiates the outcome of people’s good or bad characters; their morals and their standards? The answer is of course; our day, our life, and our destiny.

The bottom line is that the way we think has much to do with the outcome of our day. String those days together, and they become our life. So, order your thoughts, order your life.

The link between confidence, health, and fitness

“Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation.” — James Allen

Science-backed studies link our physical fitness and our health. This article demonstrates that regular exercise can boost self-esteem and self-confidence in people who have no confidence to begin with. The reason is that when we exercise, our bodies release endorphins. These endorphins are natural mood boosters.

Endorphins have many benefits. Here are some of the benefits that we create through exercise by releasing endorphins. This in turn boosts our confidence.

Exercise positively impacts our physical health and mental well-being; it enhances our body image and self-esteem; it increases our energy and vitality, and it improves our posture and body language.

The other day, I read a Medium article written by 79-year-old Gary Buzzard. In his story, “My Personal Trainer Is My New Best Friend, “, Gary writes that getting in shape enhances his energy level and self-esteem. Moving towards 80, Gary is an inspiration for the growing number of US adults over the age of 65. According to research, this population is estimated to grow, from 58 million in 2022, to 82 million in 2050, the year I turn 100.

Besides physical fitness, what can we do to improve confidence

“Confidence comes from discipline and training.” — Robert Kiyosaki

We are not born with confidence as a fixed characteristic. Confidence is an ability that we can acquire and improve over time. If your confidence is held back by anxiety and self-doubt, you can start to build confidence by celebrating a list of daily wins.

Every day has a win, even if it was just to get out of bed and brush your teeth or call a friend and paying a bill. Think the thoughts, feel the self-satisfaction, and say the words,” I am so glad I did that.”

In my evening journaling, I ask myself: “What three wins did I have today? A win can be that I wrote for one hour, had my grandboys over for dinner, walked 30 minutes, or cleaned out the refrigerator. You’ll be surprised to see how confident it makes you feel by simply stating three wins of the day. Notice that these four examples all require effort and work.

We also gain confidence by sticking up for ourselves and by meeting our goals.

Responding to your friend’s dessert offer, “No thank you, it looks delicious, but my body cannot handle the high blood sugars anymore,” is an act of sticking up for yourself.

Small goals are easier to attain than big goals. Getting rid of 15 pounds of body weight may be a noble goal, but losing half a pound during the coming week is more likely. Then, go ahead and do what needs to be done to drop that half pound. This increases confidence.

Not all days in everyone’s life is always spectacular

“Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine.” — Jack Ma

Like most people, I went through hard times. Remembering the years around the time I worked at the cardiac rehab; sunshine and rainbows were hard to come by. Times were tough. Yet, looking back, everything happened in a meaningful order. The Universe had my back.

I think of Julia. Her confidence was remarkable. The time I spent working with her was delightful. Today I am my own confidence advocate.

Age 74 is no time to hold back. When my mind struggles to hold onto positive thoughts, I take a deep breath and I stand up straight. After adding a touch of cologne and some red lipstick, I limp out the door.

With bilateral walking poles and my chin up, I walk as if I own the whole, damn, beautiful world.

Thank you.

This story was first published on Medium.com on September 2, 2024.

If you want to learn more about health literacy and personal growth, go to www.northboundspry.com. A Northbound Spry is a person over 65 who wants to become better at who they are. Sign in to get free downloads and our Newsletter to stay Spry in the North Lane.

My book, Say Yes To A Better Life, is available on Amazon.

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