Anatomy of a Pirate

I’m always intrigued by people who have body piercings, and I always ask myself, why?

I know it is self-expression just like tattoos (another topic for later discussion), but how do people with nose rings, for example, navigate it when they have a cold?

Do they use it as an ‘anti-nose-picking tool,’ or is it just for decoration?

Don’t those little nose studs get in the way when the catch at the back is right there in the middle of your nostril?

What about ‘tongue balls’ or whatever they are called?

It must be like eating with a cherry pip permanently stuck to your tongue.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not criticizing or judgmental; I am just intrigued by how it all works.

So, if you have a nose ring/ stud or a tongue ball, I would love to hear if it causes any problems.

“If you pierce your ears, do you see better?”

This brings me to today's topic: “Anatomy of a Pirate.”

They believed that piercing your ears would improve your vision! I may be up for it if this is true, as I have terrible eyesight!

We can all relate to the movie pirate stereotype, which includes a wooden leg, a bandanna, and a parrot on the shoulder. Think of Johnny Depp movies and “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

Although real-life pirates these days might not resemble this image all that closely, pirates from several hundred years ago were supposedly more aligned with the stereotypes we know today.

Two of the most significant parts of the classic pirate look related to their eyesight — the eye patch and the golden earring.

Of the other typical pirate features, one can question whether they all accidentally had one leg blown off. We would hope that it was not a requirement to become a pirate to lose one leg deliberately!

The Science of Gold Earrings

There are also many theories on why they may have had parrots — as pets, to sell at some point, to mimic their commands, or even to eat if times got tough on a long voyage.

The earring, however, may have some scientific basis. It was a common belief that piercing your ear and having a precious metal hoop inserted (gold or silver) improved your eyesight. Not just pirates, but many seafaring folks followed this ritual.

The pirates (not renowned for their scientific prowess) believed that gold had magic powers.

Today, there seems to be some scientific merit in the principles of acupuncture. Depending on your attitude towards acupuncture, some people say that an acupuncture point on the earlobe called the ‘Eye Point’ can improve your vision.

Acupuncturists are known to focus on this point in the ear to aid with general vision problems such as nearsightedness and conjunctivitis.

That black eye patch

Any benefit from a precise location of the point in the ear lobe, and assuming a pirate did happen to ‘hit the jackpot’ and get the point, one would assume that putting an earring in would destroy its magic powers.

Other body parts can also affect vision, which is related to the nerve network. Acupuncturists commonly use needles to treat the face and feet.

Obviously, vision was very important to pirates. Some say that the purpose of their eye patch was not to make pirates look mean (they had enough other features to do that!) but rather to give them some night vision.

Often embroiled in combat or prime targets for mutiny, pirates could “trick” their vision into adjusting to darkness more quickly by wearing a patch over one eye.

The eye patch was used to help prepare one eye to see in the dark, so when they went to the lower deck, pirates could swap the eye patch from one eye to the other and see with the eye that had already adjusted to dim light.

This would help them see in the dark instantly.

So now we have the anatomy of the pirate—they have gold earrings to engage the eye spot, a patch to help with night vision, a leg chopped off to activate the pressure points in the foot, and a parrot for a spare set of eyes if all goes wrong!

Maybe they were always saying “eye-eye” to let others know they were fully armed.

My pirate ‘dad joke’

It reminds me of a pirate joke:

A seaman meets a pirate in a port and talks about their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg leg?”

The pirate replies, “Aye, matey, we was in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as me men were pulling me out, a shark bit me leg off.”

“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about your hook?”

“Well,” replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.”

“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch?”

“A seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.

“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.

“Not exactly,” said the pirate. “It was me first day with the hook.”

So maybe I won’t race out and get my ear pierced. I’ll have to put up with my glasses!

Till next time,

Calvin

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Modified from an original publication in Medium. All rights reserved Calvin London 2024.]