The Three Requirements of a Good Relationship

After being in a relationship for a while, a lot of people will confess in private that they are generally unhappy and disappointed in the person they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with. If you push them for specifics, they will quickly come up with a list. They may complain that their partner is too devoted to their annoying family, disagrees with their opinions on living room design, refuses to go camping, plays tennis every Wednesday night regardless of the weather, dislikes Moroccan food, isn't as excited about 19th-century Russian novels as they are, or has a habit of adding something to every second sentence when it's unnecessary. They lament that they still love their partner and want to be happy together as the list becomes longer.

The only issue is that it seems too difficult to keep this relationship going. Not that they tragically fell for a moron as a partner, but rather the fact that we've all acquired too complex notions of what a relationship should be about is what's causing the aggravation. It is said that love entails the nearly complete fusion of two lives. We assume that a loving couple will share all of their friends, regularly visit each other's families, eat the same meals together every night, sleep and wake up at the same time, share a bed, and essentially think the same thoughts about everything at all times.

We also expect them to never have sex or even entertain sexual thoughts about each other.It's a lovely picture, but it's also a terrible one, as it lays an unforgivable harsh burden of expectation on another person. We believe that our spouse needs to be perfect for us in every way, and if they aren't, they need to be encouraged and coerced into changing.

However, there is another viewpoint: if we remember what ultimately makes relationships meaningful, they don't have to be as difficult and ambitious.When it comes right down to it, there may only be three things we need in a partner:

First and foremost, kindness: A spouse who accepts us for who we are and is kind to our flaws.

Second, shared vulnerability: having someone we can be honest and open with about our fears, anxieties, and issues that throw us off balance; someone we don't have to pretend to be strong for; someone we can be honest, weak, and vulnerable with and who will reciprocate around us.

Thirdly, understanding: someone who is fascinated about and able to make sense of some of the more enigmatic elements of our minds, such our obsessions, preoccupations, and worldviews, and someone we are keen to understand in return.

Whatever differences may occur in a hundred other areas, having these three essential elements will make us feel loved and very pleased. Even if our partner's friends or routines aren't fun, we will still be content. If we are devoid of these emotional commodities, we are likely to feel alone and melancholy even if we agree on every detail of European literature, interior design, and social relations.

We can get past the dictatorship and bad temper that plague so many partners by setting boundaries on what we want from a relationship. Even though it's simpler and more fulfilling, a successful relationship could eventually reach a minimal stage where we don't socialize much together. We may not often cross paths with each other's families. Our financial situations might only occasionally coincide. It is possible that we may reside in various places and only get together twice a week. We may not even inquire excessively about one another's sexual lives. But because we would be with someone who knew how to be kind, vulnerable and understanding, our time together would be incredibly fulfilling.

A relationship between two individuals can be extremely meaningful and profound, even while it doesn't encompass all of life's practical aspects.We can free ourselves from unduly complex confrontations and concentrate on our pressing inner desires to be seen, understood, and sympathized with by emphasizing the purpose of relationships.

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