The AI Doctor Will See You Now

When I woke up this morning with a sharp pain radiating down the left side of my neck, my first instinct wasn't to call a doctor, or even just to Google my symptoms like any normal person would.

No, I decided to conduct a little experiment. I'd ask five different AI models what they thought might be wrong with me. What could possibly go wrong?

The Setup

The pain was real enough. A persistent ache that made me grimace whenever I turned my head.

I crafted a simple query:

"I have a sharp pain in the left side of my neck that extends down to my shoulder. It started when I woke up this morning. What might be causing this?"

I fired up my collection of AI chatbots like a true digital hypochondriac.

Claude (Anthropic)

Claude approached my neck pain with the measured caution of a medical professional's younger sibling who's picked up some things but knows their limits:

This sounds like it could be a muscle strain or 'crick' in your neck, possibly from sleeping in an awkward position.

Straight to the point. There was other stuff that was reasonable, helpful, appropriately cautious. Give it 48 hours before considering anything else. That kind of thing. Claude managed to be informative without sending me into a Googling spiral of doom.

Deepseek

Deepseek took a more systematic approach, like a medical student showing off their differential diagnosis skills (this is edited WAY down - the original output was about 10 times as long):

"Since this started upon waking, muscle strain or poor sleep posture is the most probable cause. Try gentle movement and monitor for improvement. If no relief in 2-3 days, consider seeing a physiotherapist or doctor. Hope you feel better soon!"

Behind the fluff this was just as solid as Claude. No alarmist nonsense here either.

Gemma3:1b

Now we move on to Local LLM.

"What's Local LLM?" I hear you ask.

It's AI that you run on your own computer or your phone, where all the data stays local and you don't pay a penny to anyone for it.

I evangelize Local LLM to anyone who'll listen. Which is typically no one, so I'll crack on.

Gemma3:1b is less than 1GB in size but often belies its stature. I was interested to hear what it would have to say now.

The smaller model gave me an astonishingly lengthy response. The crux of it:

Rest: Avoid activities that worsen the pain.

Ice: Apply an ice pack (wrapped in a towel) to the affected area for 15-20 minutes at a time, several times a day. Don't apply ice directly to the skin.

Heat: After the first 24-48 hours, you can try a warm compress or shower to help relax the muscles.

Gentle Stretching (if comfortable): Only if it doesn’t increase the pain, try very gentle neck rotations and stretches (like tilting your head from side to side). Stop immediately if it hurts.

Over-the-Counter Pain Relief: You can take ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) or acetaminophen (Tylenol) to help with pain and inflammation. Always follow the recommended dosage.

Refreshingly human and unpretentious. Gemma3:1b can run on a phone, you know.

Qwen3:14b

Another local model running on my computer. This is probably the best all-round model of its size currently (Gemma3:12b might dispute that).

Your symptoms suggest acute cervical strain, commonly called 'stiff neck.' This condition often results from sustained poor posture during sleep or sudden neck movements.

The rest of Qwen3's response was the by-now standard cautions against thinking my neck pain was anything more than a simple crick in the neck. It made me feel well-cared-for.

Llama Maverick

Back to the online big beasts now. Poor old Llama Maverick might be the least-talked-about big AI since big AI was invented. Let's see what it thinks about my issue.

Keep in mind that I'm not a doctor, so it's always best to consult a medical professional for a proper diagnosis.

That being said, here are some possible causes of your neck and shoulder pain:

Sleeping in an awkward position: Sleeping with your neck in an unusual position or using a pillow that's not supportive can cause strain on the muscles and joints in your neck, leading to pain and stiffness.

The Verdict

Each AI brought its own personality to my neck pain consultation.

Claude was the responsible one, Deepseek was the overachiever, Gemma was the supportive friend, Qwen was the cultured practitioner, and Llama Maverick was the experienced buddy with questionable bedside manner but solid practical advice.

By evening, after a day of being more conscious about my posture and doing some gentle stretches (advice that appeared in every single response), the pain had indeed vanished.

The culprit? An ancient, lumpy pillow that had finally given up any pretense of providing proper neck support.

I'm not sure if any of this makes me more or less likely to trust AI medical advice in the future.

The moral of the story? Sometimes a pain in the neck is just a pain in the neck. Perhaps the real diagnosis was the pillow replacement I made along the way.