Reluctant Believer: How Church Became My Safe Haven

Shopping for a church

No thank you, God, I don't need Your help, just browsing.

That was my attitude walking through the doors of the Yakima Vineyard Church. Had someone told me 23 years later, I'd refer to this 110-year-old building as the place that holds my second family -

I would have laughed -

Then ran.

The idea to give God a shot came from sitting around the tables in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meetings. Getting sober is tough - staying that way?

A real challenge.

At least it was for me. In the beginning, knowing I was not alone because I hung out with others in recovery was enough. Then, just like with drinking, I needed more.

For many of us, sobriety comes with a cold-water-in-the-face surprise -

The world still spins the same in sobriety.

The people you've harmed are still upset, in pain, and resentful. The things you drank to forget still exist. For example, you can't go to a collection agency expecting they'll forgive your debts because you did the right thing by getting sober. Likewise, no matter how sincere an apology is, wrongs are not instantly made right. Remember, you are dealing with humans, not Jesus.

Once sober, I could not resort to the bottle, living in a state of delusion while continuing to make things worse for myself. Yes, getting sober is the best thing I've done for myself and those around me, but it does not erase problems; reaping the benefits takes time.

In the meantime, how did I cope?

Even in sobriety, feeling overwhelmed, dissatisfied, finding no one wanted to reward me with a cookie for getting sober, I decided to give God a try. Contrary to my own beliefs, even I knew the Big Guy had a good reputation.

For me, the logical place to look for God was in church. Or maybe I didn't know He was hanging out anywhere else. Now I know God is everywhere; church isn't necessary, yet this mess of a gal needed structure.

Back then, the thought of reading the Bible seemed like torture. When the only background knowledge you have about God is negative, scary, or just plain wrong, you need someone to come alongside you when you open the Bible.

So, why did I choose to dip my little toe in the water?

I was given a long list of potential churches recommended by my new sober friends. My hope was simply to find one I could stomach and then give it a try, keeping one foot outside.

It's funny now, looking back to that first day.

The first time I walked through the doors -

Summoning every ounce of stealth I owned, I slid through the door, head down. Noting the nearly empty balcony, I dashed for the upper sanctuary stairs. That became my spot for the next two years of Sundays.

Eventually, I planted my behind on a downstairs pew, smack in the middle of the strangers, who once looked like lions waiting to chew on my every sin. After my long trial, my husband followed me to church. I guess he waited to see if I came home with teeth marks.

I am pretty sure today; we could count the number of days we've missed on two of our four hands. We've become part of the furniture. I hope we're more like a useful lamp rather than the ghastly old green carpet that received applause upon its departure.

The second church on the list remains unexplored.

What to look for in a church

You wouldn't force your foot into a painful shoe and decide to wear it for the rest of your life, would you? Well, getting fit for the right church is just as important.

The Pastor

Recently, during church service, I realized how much I take our lead Pastor, Dusty Arenson, for granted. He was doing what he always does, driving home the message from his place in front of the stage, frolicking back and forth in his signature, child-like way.

Inspired, I took a quick study of faces around the congregation, finding, yes, they, too, were eating up his every word. Since our crowd consists of pre-teens to elders, that's not an easy task. Yet, Dusty nails it every time.

While in the moment, I wanted to race up front to initiate a standing ovation for his message. He would have hated that.

Still, I don't think I have ever told him how much I appreciate his hard work. Believe me, he's not paid even a grain of his worth in salt. He works full-time for the school district to supplement the pittance he is paid. It's not that the congregation wouldn't love to match his worth in salt; it's that we are not a big mega-church with the means to do so. It took a long time to convince him to take any money for his service.

I hate that I've grown to expect Dusty to slam-dunk the message every week. I promise I will let him know soon.

Finding the right Pastor is as important as choosing a spouse, boss, right-hand employee, ship captain, president, or if you could, a parent.

I kid you not.

Think about it.

A good Pastor serves the congregation like the head of a family. You're fed what they believe you need for nourishment. Make sure they're ladling from a healthy pot. Maybe I'm referring to food because our Pastor is a fabulous chef whose love language compels him to cook for his congregation. That's a great trait, but it shouldn't be the reason to choose a Pastor. But then again, you haven't tasted his soda bread.

Let's go back to the head of the family reference -

A Pastor does the hard stuff. Here's a list of verbs that drive a Pastor: Preaching, teaching, counseling;

Officiating, overseeing, interpreting;

Planning, visiting, organizing, And generally serving the community.

In other words - Who 'ya gonna call when:

Someone is sick;

Has questions about God's word;

Needs a friend;

Is hungry, in trouble, or just a little bored;

Needs directions on how to get to heaven or hell;

or they just want to know more about God.

They're like a dad who listens intently to the words and advice of our Father. And then passes it on, in message and deed.

Our dear pastor is even a master of the eye-rollingest dad jokes. Believe me - *groan*.

The pastor is an integral part of a good church, but not the only ingredient to consider.

The People

My number one suggestion is to run away from any church that holds perfect people.

That's right - if they're all wearing halos, self-praising their works of martyrdom, skidoodle out of there. You'll have to wait for heaven if you want perfection.

The congregation will be like your family. Yep, even crazy Aunt Bertha. A family typically has a few annoying people sprinkled in with the rest. Yet, you love them just the same. Or at least you want to.

Before marking a church off your list, check your tolerance meter. Church is where you learn Grace, Mercy, and Forgiveness. It's a playground to practice love.

The Doctrine

Someone like me, with little knowledge of theology, finds it difficult to choose a church based on doctrine. I got lucky, landing in a church with sound biblical principles.

I believe the Holy Spirit will guide you and alert your spirit if something is wrong. Seek His assistance by reading the Bible, asking questions, and praying.

Watch out for anything that is not a byproduct of love.

Conclusion:

If you are hearing me say I think everyone should go to church, well, I am. That's partially because I have a slight tendency to think I know what others need but also because I want others to swim in the still waters I've found there.

If you found a cure for all your ills, wouldn't you want others to find it as well? How can I not encourage others to bathe in the water that's saved my life?

I entered the Yakima Vineyard Church a pile of dry broken bones. There, I found a love I'd never met. No matter the changes to the congregation, the love has stayed the same. It still comforts, encourages, and heals.

Please, don't lecture me about the wrongdoings of certain churches. I understand; I live in the same world as you. Look at it this way: whether you enter a saloon, shopping mall, concert hall, or church, the occupants consist of good and bad people.

No matter how unique or special we like to think we are, in the beginning and the end-we are mere humans.

Deb Palmer is the co-author of "In Spite of Us- A Love Story about Second Chances." She resides in Yakima, Washington with her husband/co-author, Sandy. Deb has published various fiction and nonfiction articles in numerous print magazines and online journals.