Learning to Breathe Again

I’m a writer who hasn’t been writing.

My clinical depression has completely sucked the creativity out of me. I am lucky if I can get through a couple of journal pages a day. I’m trying to think of a metaphor to write here, but I genuinely can’t think of what to say that isn’t cliché.

You get my point, though.

My therapist and my boyfriend have been urging me to cut back on the stress. They remind me that in order to write, I must take care of my brain and I can’t take care of my brain if I’m too busy worrying about everything.

So I quit my day job. I turned notifications off on my phone. I started saying no to plans I couldn’t commit to. I’ve spent the last couple of months trying to focus on healthy lifestyle changes and healing.

With 2022 around the corner, I’ve started thinking about what my resolutions will be.

I want to finally start writing my book. I want to finish my screenplays. I want to finally earn a living by writing so I can feel like a competent member of society.

But these goals feel overwhelming. Even writing them out right now fuels my body with toxic anxiety.

I’ve decided to dial it back. After all, in order to run we must learn how to walk.

If I want to succeed, I must first take care of myself.

Here are my New Years resolutions that are centered around taking care of my new top priority: ME.

1: Take More Naps

Naps are good. Naps are our friends. I don’t know why we stopped mandated nap time at the age of 4. Nap time should be for everyone every day, not just preschoolers.

Studies show that short naps throughout the day keep people energized and help to reset the brain.

True story.

A part of me is ashamed of my naps because I tell myself that it means I am unproductive and lazy. But that ends here and now. I will proudly nap and continue to nap as I see fit.

Better yet, I will start to encourage everyone in my life to take more naps.

This is the hill I will die on.

2: Meditate – At Least 10 Minutes a Day

It helps to be still and take time for yourself every day. When I was in high school and college I was constantly on the move. I barely had time to sleep or eat.

Even now that I am no longer tied down with homework, tests, and minimum wage jobs, I still find that it is hard to quiet the noise around me and sit still with myself.

With all the distractions we have nowadays, I think a lot of us have lost the ability to do nothing.

I want to regain the ability to sit still with myself and just listen to my breath. I want to calm down the chatter in my mind.

I don’t need to reach enlightenment. I just need to learn how to calm down again.

Plus, meditation is good for the creative mind.

3: Watch More Movies & TV Shows

I love my TV. I would marry my television set if someone let me. When I was a kid, I could sit on my butt for hours and just soak in story after story after story. I lived for it.

I loved movies and TV shows so much, I wanted to make them.

The irony is that in the process of trying to become a screenwriter, I have stopped consuming the very same media I claim to love.

I’m so busy with emails, work calls, my dogs, my friends, my partner, my goals, my cleaning, my worries….that I forgot how to just sit down and watch TV.

2022 will be the year that I finally catch up on all the shows I keep telling people I will get around to watching but never do.

I will finally learn to appreciate art again, and not just stress over how to make it.

4: Take More Baths

Baths are where I do my best thinking. I think every major solution I’ve come up with in my life originated from a bathtub.

But baths take time. As you’ve learned, time is not a commodity I have had a lot of. (Or so I told myself, anyways) So I stopped taking my regular baths and they became my lost love.

I am giving myself permission to bathe again the way that I need to. I will buy all the bubble bath that it takes to help me find my creativity again.

5: Spend Quality Time With My Dogs Every Day

My dogs are my life but lately I’ve found myself pushing them away more and more.

“Not now” I say. “I’m working” I say.

But not anymore.

I need to make more time for my furry friends. They love me so much, and I owe it to them to show them each and every day that they are my everything.

Plus, petting dogs releases dopamine which I need a ton of.

So in 2022, I will pet and play with my dogs until they get tired of me and no longer want my attention. I will pet and play the pain away.

6: Sleep In. Often

I’ve read countless of studies that suggest waking up between 5-7 AM is ideal for the creative mind and people striving for success.

Although I tend to agree with scientific evidence, this is one of their suggestions I will happily pass on this upcoming year.

Because you know what?

I don’t have kids. I don’t have a boss that needs me up at a specific hour. I don’t have friends who want to jog in the morning, or a partner that needs anything from me while he’s at work.

I have earned the right to sleep in and enjoy these days in my youth where I am not controlled by an alarm clock.

7: Read More

Books are my haven. They bring me peace, and ask nothing in return except for a spot on a shelf. They make me feel smart, productive, and content. Like many people, I can disappear into a book for hours and think nothing of it.

In the age of instant entertainment, many people have set aside their books and replaced reading with video games and Tik Tok videos. I don’t think I am better than other people because I still value the written word, but I do believe that reading is a good practice that everyone can benefit from.

Reading is especially important to writers and storytellers of all kinds.

So in 2022, I will absolutely make an effort to read a little bit every day. And not just emails, either.

8: Relax and Smell the Roses

Depression makes me rebellious. It tries to hold me down, but I jump up and go “No, not today! I will do everything I can to prove I am still functioning well!"

But the truth is, I am not functioning well. What good does a clean kitchen do if I am cuddled up on the couch moments later bawling my eyes out?

I spent years working hard in every aspect of my life. As a result, I started losing the important parts of myself that make me feel whole.

I prioritized making money over taking care of myself. I prioritized work over enjoying my life.

In 2022, I promise to learn how to relax again. I will remind myself that I do not need to be productive every second of every day.

They tell you on airplanes to put the oxygen mask around yourself before you begin to help others. Well, I’ve been depriving myself of oxygen for many years now and I’m about to lose consciousness. I’m not doing anyone any favors - especially myself.

If I want to write again, I must find time to relax.

I will find peace within myself so I can put myself back together again.

I will learn to breathe again.