Joy Is a Daily Decision (And Here’s How I Make It)

I don’t remember the exact moment I decided to start choosing joy—but I do remember the year I felt like I was running on empty, constantly showing up for everyone but myself. You know the feeling: saying yes when you want to say no, squeezing into party dresses when you’d rather be in pajamas, clapping for people whose success feels like a punch in the gut.

That year taught me something important: happiness isn’t something that finds you. It’s something you quietly choose—daily, hourly, even minute-by-minute. Like watering a houseplant. Like brushing your teeth. Like letting the phone ring when you’re not emotionally available.

So here’s what I’ve learned about being genuinely, unapologetically happier—from a woman who used to think joy was for later.

1. Stop apologizing for prioritizing yourself

I used to feel guilty canceling plans. Especially with friends who “really needed” me. But here’s the truth: if I’m pouring from an empty cup, I’m not helping anyone—I’m just burning myself out.

Now, I give myself full permission to miss out. The party, the brunch, the Zoom happy hour that drags past 10 p.m. If my energy says no, I listen. That’s not selfish. That’s emotional intelligence.

2. Your to-do list is not a measure of your worth

One of the biggest lies we’re sold as women is that productivity equals value. That if we’re not working, cleaning, parenting, emailing, organizing, calling, or planning something, we’re failing.

But I’ve discovered something radical: rest is productive. Stillness is productive. Lying on the couch with a book and a snack while the dishes stay dirty? Also productive—because it tells your body, “You matter.”

3. Do small things that make you feel proud (even if no one claps)

Every time I finish a book, I feel like I’ve climbed Everest. Even if it took me three months and 42 coffee breaks. Reading something that expands your thinking—even for 10 minutes a day—makes you sharper. Not for a performance review. Not for a TED Talk. But for you.

I also started journaling three lines a night. Nothing fancy. Sometimes it’s just “Didn’t cry at work today. Ate blueberries. Survived.” But those little reflections build a habit of self-awareness. And self-awareness is the foundation of a meaningful life.

4. Romanticize the crap out of your life

You don’t need a boyfriend to buy you flowers. Or a vacation to feel transported. Light the candle. Take the long bath. Drink your tea slowly like you’re starring in an indie film about rediscovering yourself in a small French village.

Joy lives in the details: warm socks, iced coffee, a playlist that makes you feel like the main character. Let your life feel soft and sacred, not just efficient.

5. Reward yourself like you would a child

This was a game-changer. When my niece finishes her homework, she gets ice cream. When I finish a stressful work week, I used to just roll into the next one like a robot.

Now? I celebrate like a toddler who tied her shoes for the first time.

Got through a difficult conversation? Bubble bath. Paid off a credit card? Buy the fancy cheese. Cleaned your apartment? Dance break in the living room. Rewarding yourself trains your brain to associate hard things with joy—and slowly, the hard things feel less heavy.

6. Stop chasing “happy people”—be your own

I used to think other women had cracked the code. You know the ones. Hair always perfect, smile just right, doing yoga at sunrise and managing to look ethereal during it. I thought if I mimicked them, I’d feel like them.

But imitation is exhausting. Authenticity is energizing.

When I stopped trying to be someone else’s version of happy, I found my version. Mine includes laughing too loudly at memes, skipping workouts without guilt, and eating dessert before dinner on Fridays.

7. Curate your energy like your closet

Not everything that fits deserves to be worn—and not every person who wants access to you deserves it.

I used to tolerate conversations that drained me, events that bored me, and relationships that made me doubt myself. Now, I protect my peace like it’s a Chanel bag in a rainstorm.

If a situation costs me my joy, clarity, or mental health, I let it go. Yes, even if that means declining an invite or unfollowing a friend. Emotional clutter is real. And you deserve a life that feels clear and light.

8. Give yourself more credit. Seriously.

If you’re reading this, you’ve already survived so much: heartbreak, deadlines, bad haircuts, mean girls, rude bosses, quiet battles no one saw. And you’re still here. Evolving. Growing. Learning how to choose joy, one tiny decision at a time.

Happiness is not some grand achievement unlocked by perfect mornings or green smoothies. It’s made of micro-choices. The kind that whisper, You’re allowed to feel good. You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to choose yourself.

And when you do that enough, guess what? You don’t just feel happier. You become the kind of woman who radiates it.