HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION?

REJECTION HURTS AND IT IS A FACT OF LIFE. IT IS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE NOT INCLUDED AND NO MATTER WHO THE PERSON IS, EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THIS STAGE OF PAINFUL REALITY.

Neurologically speaking, fMRI studies found that rejection triggers brain activity in multiple neural regions specializing in physical pain. In fact, the language used to describe rejection mirrors the experience. Researchers found a dozen languages relating to rejection using terms like “crushed” or “broken-hearted.”

WHY DOES REJECTION TRIGGER SUCH STRONG RESPONSES? IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO COPE WITH THIS UNIQUE KIND OF PAIN?

Psychologists perceive rejection when people feel like others don’t value having social connections with them. Such as being abandoned by their romantic partner, being left out of a group, or being discriminated against. The rejecting party undervalues our relationship and the more we value a relationship, the higher the pain of rejection.

This might seem like an overreaction. However, just as bodily pains warn us about perceived threats to our physical well-being, hurt feelings warn us about perceived threats to our social well-being. Behavioural psychologists believe that this warning system was developed when our prehistoric ancestors lived in small clans and depended on others for their survival.

Humans may have evolved to perceive rejection from anyone due to safety, but we can’t confirm this kind of evolutionary theory, and wherever it came from, it doesn’t include instructions on how to process this intense emotional experience.

WHAT ARE THE FIVE STAGES OF REJECTION?

From an emotional standpoint, rejection is like a process, and as you process your feelings, you will move from one phase to the next until you are over the feeling of anger, disappointment and self-doubt you are experiencing. Eventually, you will move beyond the situation and find peace.

The amount of time you spend on each phase of rejection depends on the situation. Some pass by quickly, while others dwell on it for some time. It is important to have some patience, as there is no optimal rate for getting over rejection.

The five stages of rejection are as follows;

DENIAL: Your first reaction to someone who turned you down would be disbelief. You deserve this person’s respect and might think of it as a mistake.

ANGER: Once you know that the rejection wasn’t just a misunderstanding, you get the feeling of anger. Once you realise that the person isn’t understanding the error in their ways, you might snap. DON’T DO IT. Venting your negative emotions will hurt you more. Take a deep breath, calm yourself down and manage your anger.

BARGAINING: You might think that the rejection is due to a lack of understanding and somehow try to win them over through your actions. However, this action might lead to something unexpected. Therefore, learn to give the other person some space and grace their decision. You both need this as a sake for your future relationship.

DEPRESSION: Rejection comes with a tangled knot of emotions. Along with anger, you might feel sad, embarrassed, confused, and hurt which may take a toll on your self-confidence and you might question your worth. These are all valid responses to rejection. You need to take care of yourself, talk with your friends, understand why you are such an amazing human being and think about those who love you. This would bring you a sense of comfort.

ACCEPTANCE: Now that your feelings have rebounded and you are feeling your old self again, think critically about the situation. You might spot a mistake and that itself is a learning opportunity.

However, rejection doesn’t always happen from the other end. How you perceive yourself also factors into this equation. For example, you might be sensitive to rejection if you have a low opinion of yourself, or you might misinterpret other peoples’ neural reactions as rejections. Therefore, reflect on your self-view and ask yourself if the other person is actually rejecting you.

You might find that the other person didn’t treat you the way you want but they still value your relationship. You might have expected more acceptance than reasonable. In conclusion, you know that the person doesn’t value your relationship as much as you do. This is a painful realization, but remember two things;

Rejection is not always about you. The other party might want something different from the relationship. Something unfair, unreasonable, or something you don’t want to give.

Their rejection isn’t proof that something is wrong with you.

The pain you are feeling is just a part of a system nudging you to think about interpersonal relationships. Reflecting on your behaviour and finding clues can help to better understand the rejection and critically think about the relationship you like to have with this person.

Every relationship and rejection is unique. You are never alone in all of this. Everyone deals with rejection, even the confident ones.

The most common ways to cope with this universal experience are to recognize that rejection is a part of life, grow from the experience and reconnect with those who already accept you for who you are.

Hope this article opened your eyes on how to handle life and its sudden boosts of experiences.

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