Getting on Top of Disappointments

Real-life is a parade of victories and failures, feelings of accomplishment, and disappointing setbacks. This is the familiar cycle of life for everyone.

However, discovering ways to move on past those bumps in the road (large and small) can help us get back to enjoying the fulfilling, productive lives we all desire.

Although disappointments can slide down slippery slopes into more difficult challenges, most people are able to climb up and over their setbacks.

As you read to the end, hopefully you’ll discover at least one takeaway that encourages and helps you overcome frustrating disappointments when they occur.

Discover the Upside of Disappointment

Disappointments have positive potential. Apathy doesn’t. The indifference and detachment of apathy act like poison on the powers of the soul.

Although the frustration of disappointment never feels good, it can be re-focused by the hopeful realization: You love the object of your desired goal. The energy of love is a powerful, driving force. It’s strong enough to continue motivating you in accomplishing your deepest desires.

“One’s best success comes after their greatest disappointments.” -Henry Ward Beecher

Match Your Goals and Expectations to Reality

It’s been said, “It’s better to shoot for the moon and crash into the trees than it is to aim for the trees and plow a hole into the ground.”

High hopes are legitimate in the establishing of our desired goals. However, it can also be said, “It’s better to have realistic, doable expectations than to crash land at all.”

Setting Realistic Goals and Expectations

Realistic goal setting is one of the strongest defenses against disappointment. It also has the power to increase one’s self-esteem. Here is an article co-authored by Sydney Axelrod that is very helpful in setting healthy goals and expectations.

When Disappointment Is In People

People are bound to disappoint you at some point in your life. It may be due to their own shortcomings or simply because they can’t meet your expectations. No matter what the reason, disappointment is never a pleasant feeling.

If possible, talk to the person who disappointed you. It may help to clear the air and get some closure. If that’s not an option, try writing down your thoughts and feelings. Journaling can be a great way to help you make sense of your emotions and work through them. More about Emotional Journaling.

Finally, don’t dwell on the disappointment. You can’t control anyone else’s actions. Focus on the things that make you happy. There’s no point in letting someone else’s actions or attitudes ruin your day — or your life.

When Disappointment Is In Yourself

Feeling disappointed in oneself can harbor several harmful emotional pitfalls. The self-guilt and shame can become overwhelming. It’s important to acknowledge and accept the reality that you’re a human being with human weaknesses.

As someone has said, “Striving for self-perfection is a fool’s journey.”

Self-established sainthood is as easy to achieve as nailing a square of jello to a tree on a hot summer day. Yes, we should all strive to be the best kind of human beings to be. However, the feelings of self-guilt and shame are indicators that you may have slipped into the quicksand of unrealistic self-expectations.

[Note: Apply the above principles on realistic expectations and goal setting to yourself. Unrealistic self-focused expectations are prescriptions for failure.]

Acknowledge your humanity, and forgive yourself. Put away the whip! It’s cut you for too long!

Learn to be understanding and kind to yourself. Be your own best friend. As cheesy as it may sound, and as hard as it is to do, look in the mirror every morning, smile, and say, “I love you,” to the person in the reflection. [Do it again before you go to bed.]

Finally, talking to someone can be helpful in dealing with feelings of disappointment, guilt, and shame. Talking to a friend, therapist, or other support systems can be helpful in gaining perspective and working through these emotions.

Focus On The Bigger Picture

Disappointment can be diminished, in large part, by re-adjusting the focus of our thoughts to the bigger picture:

1. What do you already have that causes feelings of gratefulness?

2. What are the most important things in your life?

3. What do you enjoy doing?

4. What have you already accomplished?

Summing It Up

Getting on top of our disappointments and emotional setbacks is not always easy, but it’s more than doable with a new focus and refreshed effort. Helpful clues to the successful journey:

* We can discover that disappointments have upsides.

* We can better match expectations and goals to reality.

* We can overcome disappointment in other people.

* We can overcome disappointment in ourselves.

* We can ask and answer the questions that help us focus on the bigger picture.

Thanks for reading. I hope you found it helpful!