Chuck it in the F*ck it bucket

Two years ago I was returning home with almost nothing but hope. I was mentally and emotionally shredded to bits. The only thing I had was a deeper connection to the universe than ever. One thing I hadn't figured out quite yet though, was how to let go of things that were out of my control. I understand there is a lot more within my control than I thought before, but there are still outside influences that I can't do anything about. At the time of creation, one big thing out of my control was California's DOJ (department of justice). It was infuriating for me, a bonafide control freak, nit-picking, often type-A personality type in recovery, to learn how to let go of that which is not mine to hold on to. I have struggled immensely with learning to discover what is within my control and how to accept and let go of what isn't (I work hard on that “wisdom” part of the Serenity mantra these days).

I really had to have something physical for me to use in order to do the “surrendering,” or “letting it go,” thing. I remember hearing this great story someone told about a “*** Box,” so I decided to create my own. You can call it a “Let It Go,” box. Or a Trash can, as the original story was told. I'm not picky. Whatever you want to call it, whether you're an addict or not, this is really a useful coping tool.

My box started as a shoebox. At the time I was super into inspiration boards (another wonderful coping/manifestation tool), and that prompted me to decorate my box with a plethora of words and images that I wanted to apply to my life; more specifically, I wanted to manifest my ideal spiritual journey and relationship with myself, the universe, and the world. Thus, my shoe-box became a collage. Some words I used to decorate that box were things like “Listen,” “Not-So-Subtle | Mover & Shaker | Everything| Created For You|” “The Miracle,” “Because you're worth it,” “Fostering hope for foster kids.”

I used the “serial killer style” of mismatching magazine words and letters to tell a story around the sides of the box. I ended up with something like, “Feel anxiety take over your brain holding you back? Fight the good fight and let go. I feel soothing relief, set free. Trust works from within. You do you, fill your house. The source of miracles.” This is just one side of my box.

How do you use a Fuck it bucket? Oh, that's what you've been waiting for this whole time? Okay, so, what I do is write down the source of whatever is bothering me. If it's something from my anxiety, or someone else's behavior, whatever, I write that sucker down on a slip of paper and I throw it into the box. I don't have control over it. It's not mine to hold on to. For some of you that are angry at the world or whatever, maybe get one of those small trashcans and imagine throwing it away (just realize you'll eventually be taking these papers OUT, so make sure you keep it separate from the literal trash and use a clean container). For me, once I put it in that box, I'm letting go. That physical action tied to the mental one actually significantly helped me trust in whatever is going on. I may not understand it, but I know that there are bigger forces than myself at work.

Now, the key is really LETTING GO. If you have to put the same thing in the box multiple times, do it, but ask yourself why you can't let go of this issue. Do you believe you actually have some control over it? Even if you don't trust the universe (or whatever) to handle it, what's the point of holding onto it and allowing it to rent space in your head for free if you can't do anything about it? CHUCK IT IN THE F*** IT BUCKET AND MOVE ON ALREADY.

Remember how I said you'll be reviewing these things later? When the box gets full, empty it. Sort things into piles. If it's something that's worked itself out, put it in a folder as a reminder of answered “prayers” or solved concerns. I personally place these slips in my gratitude jar. If not, throw it back into the box.

Just remember: resolution doesn't always look like what we expected though, so just remember that as you're sorting through. Just because a certain situation didn't have the outcome you had hoped for, doesn't mean it didn't resolve. Some things don't always resolve. Sometimes we have to learn that there is no closure, that there never will be a solution or resolution, and we have to just continue on with our lives the best we can. But at least we can learn how to healthily let go of the things weighing us down in the meantime.