Alternatives for Adults

Milestone Birthdays are important, especially for adults who are trying to dodge the realisation that they're nearly [insert age here]. But big parties filled with everyone you know are not a requirement for your milestone celebration.

Some people thrive being surrounded by everyone they’ve ever known having a good time together. For others, that’s the stuff of nightmares. Some people like socialising, but would prefer a smaller and more intimate gathering.

I'm an introvert

The last major birthday party I had was my 21st, where I invited my extended family out for Yum Cha. It was 15 months since my twin had died, the first real party occasion since then. Everyone was either trying too hard to be cheerful, or was very aware of the missing place. My Aunts' attempts to be helpful were anything but.

I'd planned to do something similar with my close friends for my 30th, before my youngest cousin announced she would be getting married the day before my 30th birthday, and I knew that I'd be a socially-exhausted and overstimulated wreck for that Milestone. Immediately after the wedding announcement, I was informed by my mother that excusing myself from a loud, crowded party where I knew all of 5 people was not an option, and I was expected to attend.

Unfortunately, Mum managed to say this before my cousin started telling everyone how she was honouring my birthday by having her wedding so close. Had I not been ordered to be nice about it, there would have been some very choice words aimed at the cousin in question.

As a result, I spent my 30th birthday in my room, recovering, only venturing out of bed for the short walk to the kitchen or bathroom.

I knew then that I wouldn't be having a 40th Birthday Bash.

Even surrounded by people I actually like, large parties in confined spaces are difficult. The crush of people, sensory processing delays because there are so many conversations going on at once and it's impossible to isolate which one I'm supposed to be paying attention to, nowhere outside of the bathroom that's actually quiet... it's a lot.

I’ve compromised with family dinners when family is available on my birthday, and a weekend catch-up with whatever friends are available.

By the age of 37, I'd settled into a well paying job and started to think about what I wanted to do instead of a party. Since I was finally in a position where I was being paid more than a few dollars above minimum wage, I thought about how I wanted to spend my birthday.

Not how I was supposed to celebrate, or what I'd been told I should want to do. What birthday celebrations had I enjoyed in the past, and how did I want to spend my 40th?

Giving myself a long weekend was the first thing, obviously. My workplace does Birthday Leave, where everyone gets an extra day off when their birthday falls on a weekday. Mine is a Thursday this year, so I might as well take the Friday and maybe even the Monday off, too, and have a long weekend.

I'm not a fan of people who insist on having an entire week or month dedicated to their birthday. Normally, my partner takes the day off for my Birthday (her work is nearly always after her to actually use her accrued leave) and we do a High Tea or see a movie, or try a new place for dinner. Something fun and relaxing.

I decided that, since I had nearly three years to plan, I was going to save up and do a girls trip. Nothing crazy like an international vacation; when you live in Australia, that means crossing at least one sea, and way too much time going through customs.

So, somewhere domestic, that won't take an entire day to travel, that has sufficient fun activities. Preferably, somewhere that I haven't been in a while.

I settled on doing a roadtirp in Tasmania, flying into Hobart and out of Launceston.

There were two places I wanted to visit: Bruny Island and Cradle Mountain. Bruny Island is about an hour and a ferry ride from Hobart. Cradle Mountain is about four hours from Launceston. I asked for suggestions from friends for any other must-see stops, and wound up adding a scenic train tour in Stratham and a Zoo stop at the request of one friend who has never seen a Tassie Devil in real life.

The next part was working out who to bring.

I'd already decided that I'd be covering flights for everyone, which put an upper limit on how many could come. I invited my best friend of 30-something years, my partner, and four of my sister-friends, the kind of ride-or-die friends you wish were actually your sisters.

Of the four, one had her grandmother's 70th the same weekend, one wasn't able to make it, and two originally said yes when I floated the idea 9 months ahead of time, but then had various life events happen that meant they couldn't make it.

Flights were booked, travel insurance and car hire was sorted, and accommodation was split three ways. I waited until after returning to work from the Christmas Shutdown to request the leave, because Management side-eyes me when I book ahead in the coming year and forget to leave enough to cover the shutdown itself.

Wish me luck! (and Happy Birthday!)