5 Powerful Ways To Assert Yourself When Discussing Money

“When somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.”

― H.L. Mencken

Money issues are everywhere - they crop up in marriages with extended families, friends, and children.

Being assertive when tackling money matters ups your power and puts you in control of your life, because after all, everything in life revolves around money.

You might think you’re pretty good with money, but are you?

Some people are so intimidated talking about it that they develop damaging habits. Read the list and see if any of these apply to you.

Have you ever done these:

• Actively avoided teaching your children how to manage money?
• Made or repaid loans to relatives without getting receipts?
• Started marriages/long-term relationships without discussing money?
• Been the friend who always pays?
• Given a client a lower rate than you wanted because you didn’t want to ask for more?
• Avoided asking for a raise you deserved because you felt weird about it?

Does any of that sound familiar?

Before I became self-employed, I’d have answered yes to many of those. However, after starting to work for myself, I quickly realized that if I didn’t advocate effectively for myself, nobody else would.

If I didn’t get comfortable discussing money, I’d lose a good amount of power in any relationship.

So, I came up with some strategies, and now I’m sharing them with you.

Here are five ways to assert yourself and bring some power back into your court when talking money with anyone:

Be honest.

Whether it’s your boss, client, or spouse, nobody knows what’s going on in your head but you, so if you want somebody to see what you’re thinking, you’d better be honest.

This is especially important when it comes to money.

Don’t expect your boss to be a mind reader. If you price yourself too low on a job, you’re setting your client up for an unrealistic expectation and yourself for bitterness and regret.

Whether you’re negotiating a raise, a contract, or the price of a new fridge for the kitchen, say what you mean and state what you want.

If you’re not honest about what you want, you can bet you won’t get it.

Be straightforward.

I’ve found that it pays to get right to the point in matters of money.

The people you’re talking to are probably busy and don’t want to dance around for half an hour to get to the point. If you want a raise, ask for it.

That doesn’t mean that you go in and make a demand in the first two seconds; you respectfully get to the point as soon as possible. Being wishy-washy about what you’re there for won’t help your cause.

Be prepared.

If you’re looking for more money, be ready to back up your request.

I remember the first time I raised the rates in my daycare. When I opened, I kept my rates at the low end of the scale to try to attract clients — after all, I was new and unproven. Even though I’d stipulated in my contract that it was an introductory rate subject to change, I’d kept them low for years to be more affordable for my clients. But eventually, the steep rise in food costs and general cost of living made my rate unrealistic, so it was time to raise it. I explained this to my clients with the relevant information. When presented with the facts, people are more likely to get on board.

Fake it till you make it.

Ask for what you want even if you don’t feel confident.

I remember asking for my first raise when cooking for this one client. I’d been working for him for about a year and wasn’t making ends meet, and I knew he could afford to pay me more, so I approached him.

I remember my hands sweating and my voice shaking, but I held my head up and looked him in the eye when explaining I’d need more money.

Even though it terrified me to put myself out there, I did it anyway. I knew I’d have to do it if I wanted the results, so I kept faking my courage until my comfort level increased. The more you do anything, the faster your comfort level will adjust.

Be calm.

When discussing money, it’s best to try to leave emotions out of it, even though money issues can be emotionally charged. I know they were with me. There are many reasons why you might be upset before the conversation even starts:

• You might be upset asking for a raise because someone else got one, and you feel underappreciated.
• You might feel like your siblings get more support from your parents.
• You might want to discuss money with your partner, but you’re afraid they’ll get mad.

Many people have money problems carried over from childhood, or money triggers other deeper issues such as feelings of worthlessness or imposter syndrome.

Often before we even get into the meat of the discussion, we’re already upset. But if you can go into the conversation with your emotions under control, you will have a better result. Emotions can eclipse rational arguments, and it’s best to try to be as level-headed as possible.

After years of practice, and yes, it is something you can practice, I’ve learned to address money issues head-on.

I’ve learned to advocate for myself.

Becoming assertive in this area has given me more personal power and control in my life. I hope you can use these tips and empower yourself and take more control of your life.

Thanks, for reading!

Erin King is the author of How To Be Wise AF: A 30-day journalling adventure to your inner Guru.