You don’t need permission to pivot, especially after 40

It hits you, sometimes subtly, sometimes like a tidal wave, that whisper, or perhaps a roar, that something needs to shift. You’re over 40, a remarkable age often brimming with a unique blend of wisdom, resilience, and a quiet yearning for something more.

The path you’ve trodden, whether carefully planned or stumbled upon, has brought you here. Perhaps you’ve built a successful career, raised a family, navigated the intricate dance of relationships, or simply survived the myriad challenges life has thrown your way. Yet, beneath the surface of accomplishment and routine, there’s a stirring.

A feeling that you’re not quite living in full alignment with the woman you’ve become, or the woman you’re still becoming.

This isn’t about midlife crisis clichés. This is about a profound, often beautiful, period of self-discovery. It’s about the understanding that the narratives we were given – about how life should unfold, about what success looks like, about what’s possible at this age – are often just that: narratives.

And you, my dear sister, are the author of your own story. The most crucial realization? You don't need permission to pivot.

For so long, many of us have lived by an unspoken set of rules, often internalized from societal expectations, family traditions, or even well-meaning advice.

We’ve sought validation, waited for the 'right time,' or perhaps felt constrained by the paths we’ve already forged. But here’s the liberating truth: the only permission you truly need comes from within.

The Myth of the Fixed Path: Why We Hesitate.

The idea of a linear life path is deeply ingrained. We’re taught to choose a career, commit to a partner, buy a house, follow a trajectory. And while there’s comfort in stability, this rigid framework can become a gilded cage as we evolve. We might feel obligated to continue a career that no longer sparks joy, maintain relationships that drain us, or uphold an identity that no longer fits.

This often leads to a quiet dissatisfaction, a sense of being out of sync with our authentic selves.

One significant factor is the fear of judgment. What will people say? Will I be seen as flighty, ungrateful, or even foolish for wanting to change course now? This fear is particularly potent for women, who often bear the brunt of societal expectations to be nurturing, stable, and self-sacrificing.

A fascinating study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology by Roberts, Caspi, and Moffitt (2001) highlighted the concept of "cumulative continuity," suggesting that personality traits tend to become more stable with age. However, they also acknowledged the possibility of "change over time," particularly in response to significant life events or conscious efforts at self-transformation.

While our core essence may remain, our values, priorities, and aspirations can absolutely evolve, prompting a desire for a different life expression. The point isn’t to deny our fundamental nature but to recognize that our outward expression and chosen path can and often should adapt to our inner shifts.

It’s Not a Regression, It’s an Evolution.

Pivoting isn't about abandoning everything you've built. It's about re-calibrating, re-prioritizing, and re-imagining. It’s about honoring the wisdom you’ve accumulated and applying it to a new chapter. Think of it as a strategic redirection, an intentional shift that aligns you more fully with your deepest desires.

Consider the words of the brilliant Maya Angelou: "We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated." While she often spoke of resilience in the face of adversity, this quote also resonates with the idea of not being defeated by our own past choices. We are not defined by what we have done, but by what we choose to do next.

You’ve dreamed of starting a passion project, pursuing a new education, changing careers entirely, prioritizing your well-being above all else, or even simply re-designing your daily life to include more joy and less obligation. These desires are not whims; they are often profound indicators of your soul’s yearning for expansion.

Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) on adult development often emphasizes the concept of "generativity" in middle age, a stage where individuals focus on contributing to the next generation and leaving a legacy.

This desire to contribute can take many forms, and for many women, it often involves a deeper alignment with their personal values and a re-evaluation of how they want to make their mark on the world, whether through a new career, creative pursuits, or a redefined sense of purpose.

This generativity doesn't demand adherence to old structures; it often thrives on new expressions.

Real-World Whispers of Change

I’ve seen it countless times, in my own life and in the lives of incredible women around me.

A friend, after decades in corporate law, found herself deeply unfulfilled. She spent years feeling trapped, until one day, she simply decided to pursue her long-held dream of becoming a certified coach specializing in women’s empowerment.

The fear was immense, but the pull of her true calling was stronger. She started small, coaching evenings and weekends, gradually building her practice until she could confidently transition out of her legal career.

She didn't ask for permission from her firm, her family, or even her own self-doubt; she simply gave it to herself.

Another example: a woman in her late 50s, after raising her children and dedicating herself to her family, realized she had neglected her own creative spirit.

She started taking pottery classes, something she’d always wanted to do but never made time for. What began as a hobby blossomed into a small business, bringing her immense joy and a renewed sense of purpose. She didn’t wait for someone to tell her it was okay to pursue something purely for herself.

So, how do you begin to grant yourself this permission?

Acknowledge the Longing: Take a quiet moment. What is that persistent whisper telling you? What feels out of alignment? Don’t judge it, just notice it. Perhaps journal about it. "If I had absolute freedom and no fear, what would I do?"

Challenge the "Shoulds": Identify the beliefs that are holding you back. "I should stiwith this job because it’s stable." "I should always put others first." Where did these "shoulds" come from? Are they still serving you? Gently, but firmly, question their validity.

Start Small, Dream Big: A pivot doesn't always mean a dramatic overhaul overnight. It can begin with small, intentional steps. Can you dedicate an hour a week to exploring a new interest? Can you say "no" to an obligation that drains your energy? Can you invest in a course or workshop that sparks your curiosity? These micro-pivots build momentum and confidence.

Cultivate Your Inner Cheerleader: For too long, we’ve often listened to the inner critic. Now, it's time to nurture your inner advocate. Remind yourself of your strength, your resilience, and your innate wisdom. You have navigated so much; you can certainly navigate this.

Embrace Imperfection: The path of transformation is rarely linear or perfect. There will be doubts, setbacks, and moments of uncertainty. That's part of the journey. Embrace the messiness, learn from it, and keep moving forward.

As Nora Ephron famously said, "Oh, how I wish I had known that I did not have to spend my entire life in a wait. Waiting for permission, waiting for clarity, waiting for certainty, waiting to be rescued, waiting for someone to give me my instructions. I wish I had known that the instructions were inside me."

The Unfolding You.

My dearest sister, your life is not a dress rehearsal. It is a vibrant, unfolding narrative, and you are the sole curator of its chapters. The wisdom of your years, the experiences you’ve gathered, and the depth of your soul are not hindrances to change; they are your superpowers. You possess an unparalleled capacity for growth, for reinvention, and for choosing a path that feels authentic and exhilarating.

You don't need a formal invitation, a societal decree, or anyone else’s blessing to pivot. The permission you seek is already yours, residing in the quiet strength of your own heart. Listen to it. Trust it. And step boldly into the next magnificent iteration of you. The world, and your soul, are waiting.

Join, She Thrives a Gold. A community of women who decide to step into their greatest version, boldly and unapologetically.