Why I’m Writing Instead of Going to Therapy

First, let me start with a bit of background that I think you may find useful.

My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for over a year and we will continue to be long-distance for 6 months out of the year every year because he’s a professional baseball coach. My job is, always was, and always will be stressful, however, the stress has increased drastically since I’ve accepted a new position at a new company. For a few months, anytime my boyfriend and I would talk on the phone or on FaceTime, I felt that I was just unloading all my work stress, complaints, and “issues” onto him. We would hang up the phone and I would feel guilty because I felt like I spent the whole one or two hours complaining about work. When we talked on the phone, I didn’t mind talking about work for a few minutes, but I didn’t want work conversations to take over all of our phone calls every time we called one another.

I was tired of this feeling, so this was the main reason I decided to start therapy. 1) I knew I needed to discuss this stress and 2) many parts of my job are extremely confidential and the only person I can discuss it with my boss. There are countless things that nobody knows besides my boss. There are often times that I’m faced with ethical/moral dilemmas that I have to say no to because it’s against the rules, even though, if you’re a human and just want to do what’s nice/right, that may go against the rules.

These not-so-typical ethical/moral dilemmas, I struggle with tremendously. I struggle to enforce rules that I don’t always agree with. At times, these decisions that I have to make keep me up at night. These decisions stress me out to the point that I physically can’t think about anything else except that.

The last two paragraphs are the exact reasons why I started seeing a therapist. I was finally able to talk through this stress with somebody and I didn’t have to be super vague and leave important details out, I didn’t feel like I was unloading my work problems onto my boyfriend anymore.

I started seeing a therapist in Fall 2021 and it was amazing. I loved talking with her, she asked me questions about my thoughts, feelings, etc. that I never even considered. Her questions caused me to look deeper into my relationships, stress, feelings, thoughts, etc. I went to therapy once a week for about six months. It was GREAT to have an hour each week that I knew, I had somebody to talk to.

However, after six months, I stopped going. I will probably end up getting back into it one day but let me explain why I stopped and why I’m writing instead.

As much as my therapist was great, I decided that I wanted to write out my frustrations and stress. I know what I’m feeling and I know I’m not alone. I want to put my voice out there to connect with others who are in similar situations. I want to make it known that none of us are alone when it comes to our feelings.

I want to connect with the people who are also in their late 20s and absolutely love their career, but because of the stress and demands of the job, they fear that burnout is bound to happen. And they’re terrified it’s going to happen sooner rather than later.

I intend to write out my work problems as much as I can to help myself work through the issues but also help others work through whatever they may be dealing with. I’m going to write about finding creative outlets (like writing), so I have something to do to try to “escape” from my career life when needed. I want to find a creative outlet that could potentially make me money, so if that burnout comes quicker than I am expecting, I can pivot my career without complete and total panic.