When I grow up...

...the upbeat song by The Pussycat Dolls that has me shaking my booty from side to side and swing my arms in all directions possible. It's not just a song title. It's a question that's been circling in my mind ever since my grandma asked a 4-year-old Linda: "What will you be when you grow up?"

My answer back then was as simple and as straight forward as ever: "A Princess." Obviously. What more could a girl want than a pretty sparkling dress, animal friends and a happily ever after?

In the year of 2020 the answer would be: a lot more.

I guess if you break common life desires to pieces, there are similarities. I want to dress in beautiful clothes, I want to hug all the animals on the Earth, I want as loyal friends as Jaq and Gus (the mice in Cinderella) and what comes to the happily ever after... Maybe riding off to the sunset with my Prince Charming isn't the ultimate goal, but I do want to live my life happy and excited about anything and everything. Plus beautiful sunsets never hurt.

But there's a lot more in what I want when I grow up. I'm almost 25 now, but I feel like an old soul. I've struggled with deciding what I want to be "when I grow up" ever since I realized I actually have to start making some moves in some directions in life. I've always been like a knowledge sponge, I suck in information about everything and I'm interested to learn about anything. Some days I want to become a doctor, some days a police officer. Some days I want to act and others I want to start my own clothing line.

I don't have a Bachelor's Degree in anything, because I simply can't decide what I want to study. International business and marketing is something that crosses my mind every once in a while. Lately I've started to guestion it a lot. As soon as I scroll through the course plans I get a knot in my stomach and a voice on the back of my mind is yelling I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THIS. Which has led me to question: Why does this specific programme cross my mind then if I'm not even interested on the subject?

Because the common conception is that one should have a Bachelor's Degree. Because you can work in a variety of places and positions with a degree in business, which is ideal if you don't know what you want to become career-wise.

Those are good arguments and somewhat true. But they aren't and shouldn't be the only truth.

Social pressure can become intolerable when all you hear around you is "pick an occupation that pays well" or my least favorite "you should get a career that's safe".

What is safe after all? I assume people mean financial stability by this. A job that won't be as risky as say, acting. Competition is hard and only a handful make it. I get why it may not be the most safe careerpath money-wise, but how safe mental health(and later on physical health)-wise is working in a job you deteste? I don't think depression has ever been described as safe.

I work in a hospital at the moment and that has made me super aware of mortality and how short our life actually is. And how fast and sudden it can come to an end. So I refuse to study a degree that does not interest me or does not give me joy or bliss. After all, there are a s*** ton of occupations out there.

I also want to help - people, animals, the planet. I spend countless hours looking up possibilities to volunteer. One day I will go volunteer in Africa to one of the animal sanctuaries. Mark my words.

Sometimes - in the small hours of the night - I get really anxious of the thought that I won't be able to study all the occupations I want to. That I won't be able to live all the lives I aspire to.

Lately I've noticed myself sticking my spoon in more than one sauce. The more I listen to my wants and needs, the more interested I become in art and creating. Just a few weeks ago I opened an ig account for my artwork. I'm currently writing my first book and thinking about a podcast.

Writing has always stuck with me. The earliest stories I remember are all the way back when I was 9 years old. I have dozens and dozens of stories that I've wrote over the years - most of which I know I'll never publish or even show a single soul. Writing is a good outlet for me as my characters can be doctors and police officers. And Princesses.

And maybe one day I'll become interested in business or other programme, and go get that degree. Until then, I'll keep my spoon in hand and eyes open for new sauces.