Welcome Home

After 15 years, I am going home. Wow, in 1 week I (7 days) will be back home to see my family and friends. The old neighborhood, the old block. I wonder if all the crazies are still around. I still remember Mr. Johnson walking around with that damn red cup all the time. As a kid I never knew what that was about. But as an adult, I got it lol. Plane ticket has been brought and I secured my ride to the airport. The surprise is on. My mom doesn't know I'm coming. It's her birthday weekend, so it's going to be awesome!!

Only 5 days left before I head back home. Just double checking everything to make sure I am not missing any details, I'm anal like that. Going out to party tonight. It's my last week here so we have to do it right. Tequilla shots and a couple of girls should keep the nightmares at bay. See, I'm in the military and have been deployed 5 times. I've seen a lot of shit and my nightmares are crazy sometimes. I see the people that I've shot in my dreams and it really scares the hell out of me sometimes. It was a mission, it was my job so I should not feel guilty, right? I didn't go looking for them, they were trying to hurt me and my team, so I did the right thing. That's what I tell myself and most of the time I believe it.

The nightmares make sense to me, I mean, not the actual nightmares themselves, but being that I am sleep and seeing this stuff makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense though, is seeing this stuff during the day when I'm awake. I will be walking down the street and BOOM all of a sudden I'm back in Iraq going through a whole scene but in reality in was only a few seconds. I come back to people looking at me like I'm a crazy person or something. Am I crazy? Doesn't matter, I have it under control. Going out tonight getting some drinks and some girls, it's all good.

Last night was, well, rough. I don't know what happened. I was chilling, drinking laughing and just having a good time. All of a sudden some guy jumped in my face about some girl and then next thing I know people are pulling me off of him. I really don't know what happened. Then, I have four different people telling me four different versions of the same story. They all say the same thing about my eyes though. They all say it was like I wasn't there anymore. Like I checked out and someone else took over. But that's not possible, right? Doesn't matter, I have it under control. No big deal.

Well, I'm out the military so no First Sergeant to answer to. No cops were called, so it's all good. Now, what am I doing today? Only four days left until I'm back home. My boys come by to see if I'm ok. Lol, of course I'm good. They say I was bugging last night. We all laughed it off and drank some until they had to go home. See, they are still in the military and have to get up the next day. We just trying to chill as much as possible until I leave on Friday.

Damn, Wednesday already? Time is moving fast. It's 9 am and I've been up since 3 am. It's like that some nights. Some nights a little sleep and some nights no sleep at all. It's cool, I'm used to it by now. You know what I'm not used to though? This damn ringing in my ear. Well, I guess I can finish packing. The movers are coming today. I am putting all my stuff in storage when I get home. I have a couple jobs lined up but no place to stay yet. Just crashing at one of my old friends house for a while.

Ok, it's Thursday and I want to do some last minute shopping. Made a lot of money deploying all those times so might as well spend some of it. Got some sneakers and clothes and now I'm going to them send straight to my friends house, no need to carry all that on the plane. All my boys coming over tonight and we going to party like it's my last night here lol. Not too much, have to be at the airport by 7 am. It's 2 hours away so we have to leave by 330 am. Doesn't matter, I'll probably be up anyway. It's cool though I'm used to it.

Just landed, the plane ride was, well honestly, I don't know I was asleep. I like planes, just the take off and landing though. The actual flight is boring to me. It is good to be back home. I have really missed the smell of Jersey. No jokes, you have to be from here to understand. Yes, my friends just showed up! Let's see what they have planned. I'm not going home until tomorrow so I have a whole night to party. Called my brother and sister and told them I just landed so they will get everything ready for tomorrow.

Ok, partied like crazy last night but now to get ready to surprise my mom. I'm back but something is off. I rode through the old block and the same people doing the same things as when I left, 15 yrs ago. When we talked, it didn't feel the same. I can't explain it. It's just off. The block is the same, the people are the same so is it me that changed....