Unemployment is a Bully: My 500+ Rejections and the Fight to Stay Human.

Most people think a bully is a kid on a playground or a harsh boss in an office. They're wrong. The most dangerous bully I've ever met is the one that sits at the front of my bed every single morning.

Its name is Unemployment.

when the day starts , the weight of depression arises like a physical force. its a heavy , cold blanket that tells you there is no reason to get up. My body feels paralyzed, not because I'm lazy , but because I'm starving for a reason to move. where is the happiness supposed to come from when there is no source of income? we live in a world that tells us we are what we do. If you don't have a "do", the world makes you feel like you don't even have a right to "be".

Unemployment is a thief. it doesn't just steal your bank balance , its a thief of joy and self - confidence. It follows you into the bathroom and stands behind you in the mirror. It asks you : "How are you supposed to smile at yourself when you cant even take care of yourself?" It makes you feel like a guest in your own life , waiting for permission to exist.

The weight of the "No" is what eventually breaks you. I look at my inbox everyday and see a graveyard of ho5pe. I have over 500 rejection emails. each one is a tiny "no" that chips away at the person i used to be. Sometimes they don't even say no; they just leave you hanging in silence so loud it makes your ears ring. after the 100th rejection , you stop looking for a job and start looking for your dignity. after the 500th , you just disappear.

This is where the paralysis sets in . people talk about "the hustle " and "staying positive", but they don't talk bout the days when you cant even take a bath. When unemployment depression takes over , the simple act of standing under the water feels like climbing a mountain. Why wash ? Why get ready ? Where am I going? The bully whispers that there is no point in grooming a body that the world has labeled "unnecessary". You end up sitting in the dark , watching the hours pass , feeling your body get old and tired from sheer stress of doing nothing.

Then there are the friends . I want to see them . I want to gather and laugh like we used to . but unemployment makes you feel like a loser in a room full of winners. When the invitation comes to go out , the math starts in my head. I know very well I cant afford to pay for drinks . I cant even afford the transport to get there.

So I make an excuse . I stay home . I isolate. I become a social ghost . Its a lonely place to be , knowing your friends are out there living their lives while you are stuck in a time loop of "Thank you for your application, but ..." You start to feel like you've aged ten years in ten months . Your spirit feels brittle.

Then there is the quiet death of your romantic life. dating while unemployed feels less like a partnership and more like a slow descent into becoming a parasite.In a world where "providing" is seen as sign of love having nothing to offer but your presence feels like an insult to your partner so you just stay away from dating.

So, how do you fight a bully that lives inside your own head?

You start small. today , my "win" isn't a job offer or a signed contract . My win is writing this. by putting these words down , I am taking a piece of my power back from the bully. I am saying out loud that i am still here . I am tired , yes. my body feels old , yes but i am not a "loser".

if you are reading this from under the covers today , wondering if you have the strength to even wash your face. I see you . the smile might not be there yet , and the bank account might be empty , but your value hasn't moved an inch. we are more than our rejections and income.