Trapped in Workplace Toxicity

I’ve always been a perfectionist in everything I did and always gave my best. I completed tasks by the deadline and always reviewed them to ensure quality. When I made mistakes, I was the one who criticized myself. I always collaborated and helped my colleagues when they asked for help, because I believe we achieve results faster together than alone.

Throughout my career, I encountered people who praised my work and others who criticized it, but not in a constructive way. I came across several toxic colleagues who, unfortunately, left a mark on my soul. There are many people I hope I never see or have contact with again.

I left a toxic job and moved to another one while recovering from burnout. I was full of hope that it would be a better place, but unfortunately, by some twist of fate, I ended up in another toxic environment.

When we go through several toxic workplaces, they leave a mark. And that mark comes back to haunt us when we face similar situations again. Right now, I'm once again dealing with toxicity, and memories I'd rather forget are resurfacing.

I work for a consultancy that provides services to various clients. I was at a client with my consultancy’s team. That team was quite toxic, and after some time, I asked to be assigned to another client, hoping it would be a healthier work environment.

But unfortunately, it turned out to be just as toxic. This time, the toxicity doesn't just come from my consultancy team but also from the client I'm currently working with. This client is an insurance company, a subsidiary of a large European group.

At first, I didn't notice the toxicity. I did all my tasks and helped my colleagues complete theirs. I always met deadlines and gave my best. But I started noticing small things — I wasn’t being heard when I shared ideas. My colleagues said the same things as I did, they were listened to, while I wasn’t.

I started doubting myself, wondering what I was doing wrong. I felt a need to be accepted by them, to have them see my value. So I gave even more of myself.

When I began working directly with the people at the insurance company, I noticed a pattern. I had to do my work and theirs — they leaned on me.

There was one instance where someone created a rough draft of a document, and I had to fill in all the information and make it presentable. It took me a whole day to finish it. The next day, during our daily meeting, that person said they had done most of the document and that I had only done a small part. I was shocked — how could he lie like that in front of me?

But this wasn’t an isolated case. All the client employees in the unit are like this. I saw the same thing happen to my consultancy colleagues. They did the work, and the client employees would claim it as their own.

Then I realized they had hired services from my company just to have people doing their work, using the excuse that they were overwhelmed.

If I were the CEO of that company, I’d be really upset to realize I’m paying employees who do nothing and also paying another company to do their jobs. That’s just throwing money away.

I’ve been through a lot of bizarre situations with those people. They even asked me to lie for them, among other unethical and unprofessional things.

I’ve had many sleepless nights due to frustration and anxiety. An environment like that affects you mentally and physically. I even started feeling chills, as if I had a fever.

But the worst came in the last few weeks. During a daily meeting, the team leader started speaking to me in a very aggressive tone in front of everyone. I don’t know why — she had never spoken to me or addressed any issue with my work.

I began doubting myself, and my confidence started to go down. I was doing their work and never heard a single compliment or thank-you. And they were treating me like that.

All I wanted to do was cry. I started thinking I was the problem.

But I managed to regain my strength after talking to a former colleague I’m still in touch with (there are still good people and good coworkers out there). He gave me some solid advice and told me to hold my head up high and not get discouraged, that he knows I’m a great professional and intelligent.

Hearing those words made me realize I deserve respect. I can’t let them win — I have to fight back. I can’t let myself be brought down because that’s exactly what they want. I never did anything wrong. I’ve always been professional, and I’m not the one who should feel ashamed of my behavior. They’re the ones who should feel ashamed for their lack of ethics and professionalism — and for the terrible image they’re giving of their company.

So I held my head high and stood my ground. During the daily meetings, when she spoke to me aggressively, I stayed composed. I noticed she realized my change in attitude — and she didn’t like it.

Because that’s what they want: they don’t care about results or delivery. It’s not enough that we’re doing their work — they also want to diminish others. That’s how they feel better about themselves.

And my colleagues from the consultancy are also toxic, because toxicity spreads to the persons and they become toxic.

Even my own manager from the consultancy raises his voice and yells at me. I remember how that made me question my worth and feel like I had to do better to please him.

But now I see that I don’t deserve this — no one does. We all deserve to be treated with respect.

This toxic environment pushed me into a depressive state, made me doubt myself. It took away my confidence and the joy I used to feel for the things I loved doing. It made me feel physical pain, caused sleepless nights, and put me in a very anxious state.

But now I know I don’t deserve this — I deserve better. I’m fighting back! I’ve stopped giving my best and only do the bare minimum. I’m already planning my exit to a better place — one where my skills are needed and my work is valued.

To endure this kind of environment, you need to surround yourself with people who care about you, who remind you of your worth. Start doing things that make you feel good again. And fight to find a better place.

Companies should be more aware to toxic environments because they lead to a loss of good talent, money, and reputation.

If you’re in a toxic environment, don’t let it consume you — because that’s how they win. Hold your head high and fight back. Find a better place and leave. That’s the best revenge you can give.