Today Over Tomorrow

Life is pain. That's a fact. I find that everyone tries to make it out like it's some rich dream setting you up to either fail or succeed, but the success rate is low.

I never used to think that living was so...underrated, but since I started working, an overwhelming sense of "am I really stuck in this forever?" washed over me. It seems there will be no end in sight to the endless pain and suffering that comes with life from 20 upwards.

Watching my parents suffer through it, I remember hating them for it. They never had time for anything because they were always too tired, whereas I had all the time and energy in the world. And not until I decided to take a six day a week, 8.5 hour-a-day job did I realise I also did not have the time or energy for anyone anymore.

I hate it.

Now, it's not that I hate my job...more the fact of the routine, and that I routinely answer 75 calls a day, go to lunch with my mother, talk about work, come home and sit in my room glued to the TV and some rubbish new series. There is no excitement. Even entertaining myself by scrolling through Facebook is becoming more of a chore than anything else. I just can't stand to see other people doing something with their lives whereas I am stuck in front of a million screens each day, from the moment I wake up to the point I close my eyes at night.

All that I see is the lives of others through a screen. It's what everyone sees—a lie. My whole life is a lie, it's just me going to and from my day job, watching others, putting on a smile, but when I come home at the end of the day, I sit there and contemplate why I decided this was the life for me. It's always made me wonder how and why I was put here. Was it to contemplate all the worst things in life? I hate everything I do at the moment, nothing is making me happy—but is that even something to exist?

I decided that I would book a trip to Germany for the New Year. However, I am bound to my job as I've already taken two months to plane hop across the globe: Japan, Croatia, and New Zealand, all in 2017. But Germany is where I will make the promise. I will get into gear 2018, a real New Year resolution, not like previous years: "I will get a better body." This year, I will "get a better life."

Working is just not the path for me, even though money is essential to life. I think that the only thing essential to life is yourself, and to make yourself the best possible version you can be.

Life isn't about thinking "I can't wait until the end of the week, month, year," it's about making a change in the here and now. It's about taking that step into the unknown.

And I'll leap at the chance.