the untold story

We must start at the begining of this story because if we start at the end, it will not make any sense. One basketball practice sophomore year, we all became friends. I do not know what it was. After that practice it was all history... Now I know it sounds so cheesie but at the age of 15, it is all you know. Basketball, boys, and burgers. My three favorite things at the time.

Fast forward a couple of months and we were all inseperable. These were the best years of my life. So wholesome and honest... until jumior year rolled around and suddenly there were more things important. BOYFRIENDS...

This was a foreign concept for me since I had never had one. Only boys that were friends and my girls that were friends. But suddenly everything changed... lies were being told and texts were being sent.

We were young and I understand that but what was once a trio became a pair... This is where the real story begins.

We were together nonstop during the summer and once out little sisters had entered high school, things became even more fun.

Again (I've said this in previous posts) for some reason I have a harder time letting go of friendships than I do relationships. I not sure if its a good or bad things but I am still trying to figure it out. Probably something from my childhood but I will unpack that later.

Back to the 4 sisters having a grand old time... we were on top of the world. Nothing could touch us and (I hate to say it) but everyone wanted to be us. And not in a naracissistic way but in a humble way...

Us four, always looked out for eachother, we were always there for eachother, and considered eachother family... well so I thought.

Isnt that how the story always goes... I guess it is okay since we all have to live and learn but the next few paragraphs seem so clique to me. I thought that maybe journaling about it might help me heal but it still makes me mad. BUT I think that is okay...

One summer, I went off to college and you stayed home with your family to work. This was a very tough time for all four of us, since we all were together and suddenly... we were split. I felt like I was missing pieces of me and I hope that you all felt the same. When I came back from college that year, it felt like nothing had changed at home but I changed at college. I made new friends... was playing a sport... and was trying to figure out my major in school.

I think you held a little bit of resentment towards me but did not know how to handle it or grow from it. You were stuck in the bubble and you were unable to grow from it. I am sorry I was not there for your enough, I am sorry I got caught up in my own stupid shit and did not see you hurting.

Summer of 2016 was so great and then things turned sour after that. You were struggling in your relationship. I was trying to navigate a heart break and we were all trying to grow up. I understand that you needed time to heal but so did I. It was almost as if things did not matter until you were hurting but I was in pain before your heart break. We could have went through this together and helped eachother but instead it split us apart.

Your sister hurt me more than you did, but no one wanted to own up to their actions... Neither of you cared that I was hurting and neither of you cared that what you were doing was wrong. It makes me sick to think that it ended this way...

All the family vacations and car rides home were just a quick ticket for you guys. It is sad to think that the friendship meant nothing to you guys but I hope that isn't true.

The last day I was ever had your house, is burned in my memory forever, I cried the whole way home... I was hyperventilating because I was in shock at what was still happening behind my back... I had to pull over so my sister to drive the rest of the way. That pain hurt more the second time I think because the first time I did not want to believe that it was true...

It sounds like we were all going through somethings and we were all in pain but the one time I did not reach out... the friendship ended.

Maybe one day, all of us can say hi or sit down to have a drinks but for now it is for the best to keep moving on with our lives and grow as humans.

I hope you heal and I hope you grow but just know I would still take a bullet for both of you if I had the chance.

love you girls... I miss our rides to taco bell and the gas station <3