The Quiet Hand of Fate — Why Willpower Alone Can’t Rewrite the Starting Line

We often lead our lives with a deep-seated belief that the world revolves around us, that every opportunity is crafted for our benefit, and that we, as the protagonists of our own stories, possess the power to alter any circumstance we face. Yet, reality frequently presents a different narrative. From the moment we are born, we are enmeshed in a web of limitations. Only a minuscule fraction of our lives appears truly malleable. It’s a profound misconception to think we can simply wish away these inherent constraints.

Consider the immutable aspects of our existence: our name, our parents, our family background, our ethnicity, our birthplace, our inherent physical characteristics, the colour of our skin, our eye colour, our hair colour, and the socio-economic environment into which we are born. These elements are fundamentally unchangeable. No matter how much you wish or try, you can never fundamentally alter your core physical attributes or the family you came from.

Upon birth, some individuals are born into families with inherited wealth, established property, and a robust financial safety net. Others, however, begin life with virtually nothing. Some benefit from generations of family foresight, with parents and grandparents meticulously building up assets, investments, and even established businesses to ensure a comfortable future for their offspring, including beautiful homes and cars. This is by no means the universal experience. And while it’s natural to feel a twinge of envy towards those who have such advantages, it’s crucial to avoid resentment.

Imagine starting your adult life having received only the basics: perhaps a modest education supported by a limited family budget, or maybe even having to contribute to household expenses from a young age. Upon graduating from university, you find yourself holding a degree, but simultaneously saddled with a significant student loan debt – potentially £50,000 or more – along with the daunting prospect of high living costs in a major UK city.

The pressing question is, where do you even begin from such a starting point?

Let's momentarily set aside the often-simplistic narratives of motivational speakers. In the real world, you might be facing mounting credit card bills, a seemingly insurmountable student loan, and the constant pressure of rent in an expensive urban centre. Unlike the scenario of selling a small plot of rural land, you might have no assets to liquidate, and any part-time work or early career earnings barely scratch the surface of your financial obligations.

We are all somewhat familiar with the competitive and often unforgiving UK job market. It's not always feasible, or even socially accepted in certain professional circles, to take on just any job. Yet, life and its necessities don't pause. You still need to put food on the table and keep a roof over your head.

Let's assume, optimistically, you secure an entry-level professional job, perhaps on a starting salary of £25,000-£30,000 outside London, or £30,000-£40,000 within it. Even with this, it could take several years just to manage your regular expenses and make a dent in your debt. If you are paying £300-£400 a month towards your student loan and other debts, plus substantial rent and living costs, the remaining disposable income for building savings or a future is minimal.

For the sake of argument, I’m taking the most positive view: you secured a job relatively easily, your debt is manageable, and you faced no unexpected career setbacks or personal crises over the first few years.

Even under these highly favourable assumptions, you effectively begin your 'real' adult life—the stage where you can genuinely build equity, save for a home, or consider starting a family—at least 4-5 years later than your peers from more privileged backgrounds. If the average retirement age is around 67, and you begin this phase at 30, you have significantly fewer years to build wealth compared to someone who started at 25.

Those with family support, perhaps a gifted house deposit, or a private education that opened doors to internships and networks, will have already progressed considerably further in their careers. They might have a 35-year career arc compared to your 30, potentially leading to fewer promotions and less accumulated wealth.

My central argument, however, is not simply about financial inequality. In this article, I contend that "we cannot change everything we want to." We are born into the world with a predetermined "set of boxes"—a unique combination of circumstances, both internal and external, that are largely beyond our control. Not everything is a direct consequence of our individual actions or effort.

There's a popular belief in the UK that "you can achieve anything if you work hard enough" – a strong emphasis on meritocracy. This sentiment, while aspirational, often overlooks the profound impact of starting conditions.

Consider this: Can your personal effort or 'karma' determine the family you are born into? Does inherited poverty or social disadvantage stem from your past actions? Or, is the particular social class, region, or ethnic background you are born into a direct result of your life's accounting? Surely not.

Yet, in the UK, individuals still face racial discrimination, are disadvantaged by the 'postcode lottery' for school admissions (where a good education depends on where you can afford to live), encounter class-based bias in professional networks, and can face subtle or overt prejudice based on their background.

The sheer volume of social advantages enjoyed by those born into privilege—private school connections, inherited property, the absence of student debt—could fill an entire book. What direct or indirect connection do these advantages have with an individual's 'effort' or 'karma'? If everything were merely a matter of personal endeavour, the very concept of destiny or fate would cease to exist.

Our journey through life is often framed by two opposing philosophical concepts. One is free will, which posits that we forge our own destiny through our choices and actions. The other is determinism, suggesting that our lives are largely predetermined, shaped by forces beyond our control. We frequently find ourselves caught between these two, as both seem to hold some truth in our lived experience.

Amidst this intricate debate, ancient Stoic philosophy offers a remarkably practical path. It doesn't demand that we choose one side over the other. Instead, it teaches us how to cultivate a tranquil and resilient life by acknowledging and accepting life's immutable realities. The cornerstone of this philosophy is the dichotomy of control: a clear understanding of what lies within our power and what does not.

According to Stoic thinkers, all aspects of life can be categorised into two distinct realms. The first realm encompasses everything that is entirely within our control. This includes our thoughts, our perspectives, our emotional responses to events, and our moral decisions. Essentially, our inner world is our domain.

The second realm comprises things largely beyond our control. This includes our birth circumstances, our family, our physical appearance, others' opinions, prevailing social conditions, and the broader economic climate. Stoic philosophy teaches us that it is futile and exhausting to expend energy worrying about matters that lie outside our sphere of influence.

Consider a common UK example: experiencing discrimination or facing snobbery due to your social class or regional accent. The behaviour and attitudes of others are beyond your control. Feeling frustration or disappointment is a natural human reaction.

However, Stoic philosophy would assert that in such a situation, it is within your control to prevent others' opinions from diminishing your self-worth. You can cultivate your own competence and self-confidence in a way that external slights cannot undermine your inner strength. While you may not be able to dismantle systemic discrimination immediately, you can certainly control your reaction to it.

Let's take another example. Perhaps you began your career at a significant disadvantage compared to peers who benefited from family connections or an elite education, putting them several steps ahead. This situation was not of your making. Instead of succumbing to despair, you can channel your energy into diligence, integrity, and honing your skills.

While promotions or significant financial success might take longer to achieve, the profound sense of self-respect and peace of mind derived from knowing you've given your absolute best is entirely within your control. Stoics advocate for focusing on the effort, not becoming overly attached to the outcome.

"We are not given a good or a bad life. We are given a life. And it's up to us to make it good or bad."

– Anonymous