The Mistakes I've Made - The Journey of a Young Black Author

I'm in the process of figuring out where what I want to do with my writing. I'm trying out places to post, including Vocal, looking for internships in the Fall all the while juggling my six-course school semester. This shit isn't easy and I doubt it's going to get any easier. Writers are forced to somehow create a reputable career online and somehow get slightly famous before signing with a publisher who will change your work to possibly something you don't agree with. So what about the in-between? How do go between being no one and someone within the world of writing? Are publishers really going to sign on a new writer with no reputation whatsoever? Of course not.

You can probably guess, I'm in a writing course. Honors Bachelor of Creative Writing and Publishing to be exact. I love it, I really do. The program is diverse and I've learned so much. I'm really glad I enrolled and that my portfolio was enough to get into this program.

But writing is hard; life is harder. I've learned that from here on out, everything will get harder, competition will rise even higher. I'm competing with my program mates after all, both in my year and below. You need to stand out somehow, and being in my third year, I realize that I should've taken more opportunities to further myself. Unfortunately, I didn't see the need until now. I'm trying as much as I can now, hopefully I can make up for it with the internship and upcoming opportunities.

How do you come out on top of an already competitive field with people like Margaret Atwood and John Green running against you? It's simple; you don't. You do what you want, write what you can, try to experiment with your writing until you find something that people like, and more importantly, something YOU like; something that LOOKS and FEELS like you more than anything else in your life. Writing, in my own opinion, is not just pen to paper or letters compiled together on a computer screen, it's you. It's a part of you wherever you go; it's the weight you carry on your shoulders, it's the voices in your ears, in your head. It's your very own... child.

Writing to me, is both a burden and a gift... I've been burdened with the passion of expressing myself in a way that could live on past my own life. I'm burdened with the task of putting myself out there in a way that could very much be permanent; but not everyone has that opportunity. I've been gifted with this passion so I don't have to work a 9-5 job in something that I absolutely hate. I've worked in retail and food (for a short time) as summer jobs and I couldn't see myself doing this full-time. I think I'd go crazy but this is also what I'm afraid of. Not being able to write full-time like most writers can't. You simply have to get lucky to be big, the right person has to find your work and see the potential in it.

Up until a couple years ago, I was really sheltered; the victim of a helicopter parent that I still can't get away from. Now, thanks to my S.O. I've spread my wings a bit. I've been doing this more, writing openly about myself. I've been looking for work because work is so hard to come by. I've been finishing my school assignments two weeks ahead, practice calligraphy and cursive writing. I've been trying more, in my own way no matter how small. I'm going to keep trying, I will not stop trying. Writing has always been a part of my life, and I won't give up on that.

Maybe I'm not ready to be at the top, but I think I'm ready to be at the top of my own level.