The 90/10 Complex: Why Do We Doubt Obvious Signs?

Dear reader, I am back with a second article to satiate your yearning for knowledge. I was shocked to see how well received the first article was and I must admit, you have set my desire a flame!

Sincerely, thank you for your support because it has sparked in me a way to utilize my passion for helping people with my skills of communication so people, like you, can use new tools to expand your perception of understanding. I aim to make life easier for you all!

If you haven't seen the show, no worries! I got your back without any spoilers and just because you haven't seen this, doesn't mean you haven't experienced it!

So dear reader, let's see who the talk of the Ton is this week and solve an age old mystery at the same time. Grab a snack, a pen & pad, and get ready to learn!

Eloise Bridgerton: Detective Extraordinaire (Kind of...)

This round, we’re going to talk about episode 6 in season 2, but WHO we’re going to talk about might be surprising. Eloise. Everyone’s favorite rebellious detective of the Ton.

Eloise typically has us giggling to ourselves as she uses her dry sense of humor and wit to cut like a knife through thick minded individuals that she comes across. This time, though, Eloise had us ramped up for another reason: her astonishing lack of confidence in her clues regarding Theo's feelings for her.

Have you ever found yourself daydreaming, thinking, or wishing that the other person would show their feelings first? Then, once they did, all of a sudden a whole new world would open up and you can finally feel validated that you knew it all along and your gut feeling wasn’t wrong after all?

If you have, then you know, that, in all of these daydreams, not one of them is of YOU telling the person how you feel without knowing 100% for sure that they like you back. But why?

The 90/10 Complex

Dear reader, this is a term I coined to help this lesson stick for you. So what is the 90/10 Complex?

Evidence that SUGGESTS that something is more than likely going to happen/happening but is missing the last 10% of evidence to solidify it from mere theory to fact. Due to this, we refuse to believe the 90% probability. A.K.A we doubt it.

To illustrate this, let’s say Theo straight up told Eloise, point blank, “If YOU like a guy you should just shoot your shot because he MIGHT like YOU back.” on top of all of his nonverbal cues, you'd think it would be sufficient evidence for her, right? Wrong.

Eloise is so enveloped in trying to figure out why Theo would have these feelings for her, that she refuses to entertain a simple solution such as him reciprocating her own feelings. In episode 6 she says,

"To turn over in your mind the events of a mere conversation. To look at all of the evidence and still not be sure. It is a pleasing, stimulating, thrilling kind of torment.

If someone you had feelings for told you to shoot your shot in a roundabout way, dear reader, what would you think?

You would more than likely think they were giving you a clear signal to shoot your shot, right? Unless the 90/10 Complex has grabbed you. Then you would think things like how it is way too much of a coincidence and that they cannot possibly be dropping a hint about their real feelings for you. Perhaps they were trying to subtly tell you they were on to you, or you would even question why they like you?

Why We Get In Our Own Way

This is the case with Eloise. She cannot believe that something, even in her wildest dreams, could work out for her so perfectly.

Yes, even in our daydreams and fantasies, we cannot feel safe or good about it unless we cover our asses. This dates back to the beginning of time; self preservation is an innate, or natural, thing in our genetic make-up.

Emotional pain is linked to physical pain. It can hurt just as much! In fact, we can actually see the neural overlap of how the brain processes emotional and physical pain thanks to fMRI's (Functional MRI). Additionally, the Case Western Reserve University conducted a study where they saw that upon rejection, our ability to reason drops by 30% and even our IQ by 25%. Essentially, rejection hurts more than just our hearts but our minds too.

This is why when we see the one we have feelings for, we freeze, become awkward, nervous, or want to run in the other direction. It isn’t the person we fear, but the emotion we MAY feel in the aftermath of a failed approach.

But, dear reader, this isn't the only thing holding us back. Our previous experiences are just as much at fault.

How The Past Impacts Our Future Communication

All through the series, so far, Eloise has made her feelings known of being the black sheep of her society. She is used to being the “rebel” with wild ideas, acute perception, high intelligence, and overall, she is the outlier of the Ton. She could never be the season’s diamond, like Daphne or partake in the mindless gossip of Clarissa and the girls. With this in mind, ask yourselves this:

If Eloise felt that she couldn’t be good enough for the very place she was brought up, with the very people she has seen all of her life, then why on earth would she think that a boy she liked could possibly like her back?

Here are a few things, just in the picture above, alone, that indicate Eloise's history of social discomfort:

1. Her Hands Are "Fig Leafing": when we expect danger to occur, we will commonly place our hands, or hand, in a position that protects one of our most...well... vulnerable spots. Men typically do this more often but Eloise feels out in the open in this scene so this isn't a surprising move.
2. Her Wrists Are Hiding: When we, typically women, are feeling flirty or confident, we tend to subconsciously expose our wrists to the person we're talking to. Eloise is doing the opposite which is an indication of self-preservation and fear.
3. "Sacred Space": Eloise has her arms in front of her with her body slightly leaned backward from her mother. This is what is coined as "sacred space"; you are saying to the world, "I'm protecting myself, this is my area, I am at least in control of this." Done usually when we feel uneasy.

This gives indication that though our rebellious sleuth may treat her world objectively, giving her great talent at trying to solve the Ton's mysteries, she will only view herself subjectively. She even says in episode 6:

"I simply would like to know...I can accept certain mysteries....those mysteries I may never solve but this one with Theo -- Mr. Sharpe, I can."

But if our darling Eloise can solve this mystery by asking a mere question, unlike the Ton's mysteries, why doesn't she?

The Perfect Explanation

Here we are, the scene that captures everything we just learned. This was probably my favorite scene in the whole season because it was #Relatable.

When she explains to Pen what she initially thought of Theo, Eloise exasperatedly says,

"I assumed ours was merely an intellectual bond... friendship based in like-minded thought and rigorous conversation. But what if...what if he feels more?"

When she says, "feels more" she puts an a slight emphasis of worry on the syllables. This is done because that 90/10 Complex has snuck in. She describes a sense of security, understanding, and comfort in their intellectual bond and isn't confident in his possibly romantic signals enough to jeopardize it.

Penn challenges her by asking if she would want him to feel more to which the best defense mechanism from a character I have ever seen, kicks in:

"My feelings about his feelings do not matter if I do not know for a fact what it is he is feeling."

This is a verbal tactic that not only dodges the question but distances Eloise from the subject as well. Eloise is also reinforcing what we analyzed earlier about her necessity for protecting her mind using the 90/10 Complex. It doesn't matter what she feels if she doesn't know what he does for sure, right? (The answer is yes, she likes him a lot, btw).

Pen comes back with, what good is knowing if you can't act on it? To which Eloise replies,

"If I know for sure, it will be a relief. It is the not knowing that makes it feel like... torment."

Here, she knows they aren't allowed to be together but it's the validation she is seeking more than anything. She wants to know if the feelings are reciprocated even if they can't act on it and also that her gut feeling about him in this mystery was correct.

Dear Reader, Go Live Your Best Life

Dear reader, if you find yourself in the same situation as Eloise, you have two options: 1. Speculate, like you are now, and waste your opportunity or 2. Take the bull by the horns and ask. The thing to understand is this:

The sun will still rise again tomorrow.

This is obviously easier said than done, trust me, I know, but this may be the first time you’re hearing it and maybe, just maybe, it will help you right now instead of realizing what you should have done much too late.

Now, go live your best life!