So, do you think you are going to die today?

I have a neighbor whose wife has been suffering with cancer for 20 years. He told me that everyday, he asks,

“So, do you think you are going to die today?”

I remember being horrified when I heard this. At the time, I did not know that there were variants of cancer that you could survive for decades and even lead a fairly normal life. This question seemed so cruel.

I could not imagine greeting the day with that question. Now, I greet each and every day with this question.

This is the way that we should greet every day. If we did, we would not take a single day for granted. We would ensure that if this day is our last, we would be okay with it.

My parents lost their parents at young ages. My mother was orphaned by the age of 3. My father was essentially orphaned at the age of 13 when his father died on his birthday. (His mother stopped parenting and he was passed from relative to relative). They spent most of their days reminding us that they would not be around forever. As a result, we should be reminded that life could change in an instant. That we should go after whatever it was that we wanted out of life --which is what they did. My mother achieved her dream of becoming a teacher. A lofty goal for a woman during her time. My father was simply happy to have a family, a roof over his head and a good wife.

I felt incredibly cheated when my mom passed away at age 74 when I was 42! I could not imagine it happening sooner and yet for my sister it was, she was only 36. When my father passed, 10 years later it was a bit more bearable, it was not unexpected as was the case with my mother. The-in-your-face-reminder-of-your-mortality is the most effective. There is simply no time to waste.

When I speak of my parents, I always say, my mother taught me how to die but my father taught me how to live.

Mom was a planner. She left a manila folder with her estate planning documents and a separate sheet detailing the disbursement of personal items. She even re-dedicated books to the original gifter.

As my sister and I were going through books, my sister laid claim to a book that I had gifted to our mother.

Inside she wrote: "This should go to my daughter, Denise. She gave me this book”.

End of discussion. And so it went, books or purchases that I had originally given to her were essentially returned to me. It’s good to leave things behind in an organized fashion. Mom pretty much thought of everything. I plan to do the same for my loved ones.

Our father taught us that you can carry on. That when you have had a loved one, indeed someone that you spent 44 years with, you can continue to live. You can create a new community, find another companion and look forward rather than backward. Admittedly, I was miffed at the time but Dad was right. It’s best to die when you are actually dead and not to stop living while still breathing. That would not be leading by example. Dad taught us how to live.

What did my parents actually leave behind? Life’s most valuable lesson. It is short. Death can occur at any time. Don’t look back in regret for what you didn’t do and don’t waste time.

I make sure that I celebrate the “highs” and accept the “lows" as part of the journey. I used think that I wasted a lot of time in my life before “settling” down to a 9-5 in the U.S. I spent a fair amount of my youth living abroad in (England, Denmark and Germany) and loving it but my life choice was always questioned. Even when I returned. One job interviewer asked me, “why would anyone ever leave the United States?”

Today, I realize that those years were the most exhilarating part of my life. I vacationed in nearly every European country. I deepened my knowledge of world history. I acquired fluency in a second language and can get by in a few others. Yes, I even fell in love a few times. This was my own personal dream. To be an ex pat for a time. Now, I am moving onto a few more dreams as I flow through my 6th decade.

So, do you think you are going to die today? Are you good with that?