Shutdown

Stability. Security. Success.

All replaced with uncertainty, fear, and doubt.

This must end. At what point do we look beyond the “pissing contest” and recognize that real everyday people are being affected by this?

At what point do we recognize that families are afraid! At what point do we come to a compromise for the greater good of the American people?

This all feels like a pissing contest between political parties. I feel like I am watching grown-ups throw temper tantrums because they are not getting their way. What baffles me though is the fact that the people throwing tantrums, the people in control, the people with power, are unaffected by this! They could care less how long this shutdown lasts because they still receive their check. They are not missing a beat!

Yet here we are, the average working citizens, taking it in stride, adjusting our budgets, stretching the food, placing limits on the gas we are using, sitting around with uncertainty praying that each day we wake up we will see an article stating that this has been resolved.

We are currently between pay periods, so we hold on to that hope that this will all be ironed out before we miss an entire check. We try not to think about what that happening would entail, but as we inch closer to the date the stress of the unknown begins to take over.

I’ve been trying to stay optimistic through this shutdown, but here we are 23 days in, a partial check later, bills stacking up, and payment arrangements multiplying. And because I’m considered “essential,” the expectation to show up every day still looms over my head.

I wish I could say I have three months’ worth of savings tucked away for a rainy day, but I don’t. I’ll take responsibility for that and make it a priority moving forward. But damn.

I work. I have a career I’ve built with purpose of sustaining the life I’ve created. I budget. I pay my bills. I’m not living check to check.

But when you’re a family of six and both parents rely on the federal government for pay, things get sketchy fast.

We’re terrified of paying for everything on time because we still have to put food on the table. We still need gas to get to this job that calls us “essential” while withholding our pay.

In my line of work, I’m expected to smile and provide reassurance to others often just minutes after reading an email that says we’re still furloughed, still unpaid, and, oh yeah, still can’t talk about it or have an opinion.

The offices around me are empty.

Outside of appointments, it’s quiet.

Halls once filled with support now echo with silence.

Emails bounce back with a simple “I am furloughed” reply.

Yes, we’re figuring it out because we have no choice.

Yes, we’re hopeful this ends soon because we have no choice.

Yes, we’re quiet, saying we’re okay because we have no choice.

Yes, I’ve applied for jobs elsewhere because I have no choice.

The hardest moment came when my 8-year-old asked if Christmas was canceled because of the shutdown. I told her, “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.” Because that’s what we do. But deep down, it breaks me that the people pulling the strings don’t share these worries. Their bills are paid. Their bellies are full. Their stress is low. Their finances are untouched.

Yet here we are facing this daily. Forced to combat stress and anxiety the best way we know how. Meanwhile our Stability is replaced with uncertainty. Security is replaced with fear, and what we perceived as success is replaced with doubt.

Shutdown