Setting Boundaries

A relationship without boundaries is calamity waiting to happen. One of the biggest problems in every type of relationship known to man is a lack of boundaries. We need boundaries to have a healthy coexistence. If you don’t set boundaries you’re setting your relationship up for failure. What exactly is a boundary? By definition a boundary determines what is appropriate or inappropriate in a relationship. Without boundaries a relationship is destined for trouble.

Perhaps the best being walking the earth is a kind soul, but one of the biggest consequence that comes with being a kind soul is when someone takes advantage of you. This is what happens when you don’t set boundaries. A kind soul is a very empathetic person and while that does attract some of the greatest people on the planet, it also attracts the worse. An empathetic heart is easy prey for a narcissist individual. A lot of the narcissists predatory behavior plays out in the form of violating the boundaries of the empathetic person.

How do you know when a boundary has violated or at the least overstepped? For starters, ask yourself where exactly do you stand in regards to your actions in a relationship. Are you constantly on edge about keeping others around you satisfied or taken care of, even when it comes at the expense of your personal well being? If so, then you definitely have issues with setting boundaries. The best way to start confronting this issue is by taking a self reflective look in the mirror and tell yourself that’s it’s not your job to keep everyone content and happy.

Such a task is simply impossible. At the end of the day we are all human and it is in our nature to disappoint our fellow man and trying to delay the inevitable by attempting to keep others constantly content is only going to make it harder when it’s time for reality to set in. Let’s leave the naïveté at the door. Of course this is a lot easier said than done.

If you’re someone who struggles in this area then you probably have a gut wrenching fear of the negative reaction you’ll get from someone you have to set boundaries with. You’re afraid that they’ll lash out and label you a bad person and you’re probably afraid that your boundary setting is gonna hurt your relationship, which is something you definitely don’t wanna lose. In situations like this it’s important to remember that if someone doesn’t respect you enough to stick around after you make your boundaries clear then this is a person you do not need in your life, regardless of who they are and what history you share with them.

That leads to my next point. Perhaps the biggest challenge in setting boundaries is the person we set boundaries with. If the person we have to establish better boundaries with is a close friend or family member, then boundary setting can get complicated. More often than not the people who are closest to us can manipulate us into believing that there should be no boundaries for them because of the place they hold in our lives. Greater lies have never been spoken.

Loving me does not mean I can’t tell you “no” and it does not mean I can’t confront you when you are doing something wrong. If anything, being a loved one means that you of all people should be most understanding and respectful of the boundaries I am trying to set. Establishing healthy boundaries means taking care of yourself in regards to your personal relationships and individual stability. Never allow anyone, even yourself to feel wrong for setting boundaries. It’s what you need to live a healthy life.