Setting Boundaries @ Work

The newsroom was aflutter. There was the regular weekly edition deadline, and then there was the annual Special Edition deadline, and then there was the demanding narcissist calling the shots from his upstairs office.

I was swamped. Journalism is a fast-paced business, and this was only a small-town newspaper. We published twice each week, with hard deadlines at 10 a.m. Mondays and Wednesdays.

I was an editor. I was used to wearing different hats.

1. Go to event
2. Take photos at event
3. Write story about event
4. Layout story in InDesign for print
5. Copy, Paste, Repeat for a dozen or more events each week

I enjoy all of those things! But I don't enjoy any of them when I am overwhelmed, overworked and overloaded.

It's a Monday morning. I had put in a lot of hours over the weekend just to tread water on all my deadlines. Then the intercom buzzes, "Tom, I need to know when you're going to complete that piece for the Special Edition."

That was before I learned to set any boundaries at work.

How would you have handled that situation?

The self-improvement field is abuzz with learning to set boundaries in our relationships, empowering us to leave toxic men (or women). I believe we need to apply those same principles a little stronger at our jobs. It's more than just "work-life balance." It's learning how to say no at work.

• No. I'm sorry, but I can't meet that deadline.
• No. I really can't make that work with my schedule.
• I understand the client has expressed a need for this by the end of the week, but that's unrealistic.
• I need support on this task. Here's what I need...
• No. (It's a complete sentence).

Why don't we say things like that more often at work? Probably for a lot of the same reasons we might stay in a toxic romantic relationship despite knowing it's terrible for our mental health.

Yes, I am making the possibly blasphemous statement that our jobs can be the equivalent of an abusive relationship. There, I said it.

The time has to come to set stronger boundaries. It's more than just work-life balance ~ it's emotional abuse, unrealistic demands, and stressful situations that would drive most of us to leave a domestic relationship.

Our friends would say, "Leave him! Or at least see if he'll go to therapy with you."

So, workplace therapy? How would that work?

"Jane, what I hear you saying is you feel like you're not getting your needs met and Donald the Boss isn't listening when you ask for help (or a raise). Donald, what does it feel like to hear that?"

Would there be a psychiatrist on staff? I don't know how that would work exactly, just don't do what I did.

When that intercom buzz broke through the hustle and bustle of the newsroom that Monday morning, it pushed me over the edge.

I hadn't learned how to communicate boundaries (I was only 22), and I went ballistic. I cursed like a sailor. Out loud, and loud. At my boss. Called him a so-and-so. I really made a scene.

I stormed out. That was the first time I did that, and the most dramatic. I have never been shy about leaving a job that didn't treat me with respect.

It felt so good to storm out. I have to say I was proud of myself. That was almost twenty years ago, and I still look back on it, proud I had the courage to stand up for myself. But there's something that would have made me feel much better. Doing it gracefully.

I had let my frustration boil up much longer than I could stand it. What really frustrated me was feeling like I had no voice in the situation.

If we can learn how to set boundaries for ourselves at work, and articulate them gracefully, would things change? Could we get back to doing work we love, instead of fearing our bosses, and hating how much there is to do, and having unrealistic (and ever-increasing) demands put on us?

There have been "productivity studies" showing how many hours of work per day and per week we can be at our jobs and not become zombies. Guess what? Americans are way over that threshold. We often don't even take our full quota of vacation time (which is even less than in Europe).

It's time we stand up for ourselves against emotional abuse and other toxic behaviors at work. And do it gracefully.

... or, just storm out one day. It'll feel pretty good.