Resignation

I resign.

I resign myself to solitude to escape loneliness.

I am not like you and never will be.

It’s okay that you will never understand, because I do.

I understand my self and I did not need you to tell me who I am or what I should do with my life.

I love you, but like others before me, I am more well-adjusted psychologically when I limit the number of random encounters I allow to take up my time with idle chatter, well-wishes, and everyday attention-seeking.

Bless your hearts, and I wish you well, but I am consumed by a fire which is better felt from a distance!

It’s nothing personal at this point, but I gave all I could, and once it was gone, that which remained turned out to be the real me, removed from the autonomic conditioning of the species.

I’m not such a bad guy after all, to my own surprise!

I was told repeatedly I was inconsiderate, but it turned out that I just didn’t consider what you wanted me to consider.

I was told I lacked compassion, but it turned out I had a deeper knowledge of your pain than you did mine.

What you call empathy is just common feeling. Being uncommon, I do not lack the ability to imagine how you normal folks feel, as I’ve plenty of examples from which to gather data.

This is also why I have no trouble understanding that you’ve only projected your feelings onto me; or why you are so upset when I won’t do the monkey dance to your organ grinder; but I just can’t seem to get you to grasp that I’m not doing you any harm by not wanting all the same things you want since I do not feel or think the same way you do.

This is not to say there is no such thing as empathy, or that it is not important, but many of you seem to think of yourselves as Deanna Troi from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

You don’t feel anything but your own feelings, and that’s okay.

I would never ask you to navigate your life by my compass, as you have so often attempted to coerce or manipulate me to do.

When you come to terms with that, you’ll stop hurting people like me, and, more important, you’ll stop hurting yourselves and each other.

But even that won’t bring us closer together, as this vast abyss between us cannot be empathized away; so I resign from any obligation to engage out of fear of alienation.

I’m alien enough and I like it here on the Starship Exitprise!

Doesn’t mean I won’t engage, in those serendipitous moments when we see eye to eye.

I just won’t do it on your terms when I know it would strike me down and bring me low.

You know those “boundaries” you’re always talking about (after pulling me in just to push me away)?

Funny—the cosmic joke!—that you could recognize the importance of others honoring yours but not the reverse.

So much for the golden rule!

But that’s okay too.

You do what works for you.

I hope you will recall, however, the many people like myself—yet not like my self, for they were each a self all their own!—who gave you something you would never have come up with in the frenzied madness of groupthink.

Do you have to nail the individual to the cross, drive him out to the wilderness, or burn her at the stake, only to honor them postmortem by misappropriating their platitudes on a special day?

Must you always ignore the message and shoot the messenger?

Could you… I dunno… just maybe… leave them in peace to do their work… and thank them while they are still alive… by letting them live?

Who saves the sacrifice?

Who puts down the human shield and stands on their own?

I know what you’re gonna say. Some or another version of the usual collectivist pablum.

“Together we stand, divided we fall,” perhaps?

I agree, but I find it conspicuous how some huddle together toward the middle of the crowd while pushing others to the front.

It's funny how often one toils in obscurity, producing more than a crowd of others who nevertheless find plenty of time to pat each other on the back for a job well done.

If you sense resentment in these remarks, you might want to ask yourself again how you came to be so sure you could read another’s feelings from a mere exchange of words.

I’m not saying I never felt it, just that I’m long over it now.

The discoveries that originally inspired my resentment did not cease being true just because I realized how pointless it was to be upset over them.

I resign, and ask only that you reserve your pitchforks and torches for the real monsters rather than follow them into the next atrocity, and spare the rest of us, who are far more numerous than you would ever suspect, individual though we are, because we mind our own business and leave you in peace.

Now for some exit music:

Lyrics and Music by C. Rommial Butler

Performed by Act of Confusion

Vox/Bass: Rommi

Guitar: Jon Hacker

Keys: Micheal A. Dyer

Drums: Lisa Lusby

With special thanks to Guest Vocal: Crusti Twatwaffle

Resignation

I saw you crying but I could not care.

I had seen this too many times before.

If I was dying, would you even care,

Or would you play the victim as you shoved me out the door?

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You wore me down,

Then you tore me down.

As you jerked me around

I gave up on you.

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You were taught to hate by those who did not care

About anything but controlling you.

Would you reciprocate love, hope or care

From anyone who does not tell you what to do?