Promises Not Resolutions

What does rest look like? For me, it involves the ability to put my feet up and lounge, reading literature. Reading has always been more relaxing to me than watching anything on television. Reading a book allows me to disappear into a world constructed by the author's words and my own imagination. Of course, there are times when rest looks like disconnecting from my own four walls and being transported into someone else’s via instagram, allowing ten second videos to momentarily entertain me. Letting me zone out and become semi-robotic: share, like, next.

Social media shows you constantly what opportunities there are, what talents, skills, and enjoyment are at your fingertips if you just keep going. Making us constantly searching for the things that bring you the most entertainment, likes, satisfaction, attention, etc. There's always something to do, something to take our attention, motivate us, encourage us that it's hard to sit back and relax/ do nothing. Yet, being kinder to yourself and relaxing doesn’t equate to doing nothing.

There is no right or wrong way to rest, each day deserves to be analyzed on its own and treated accordingly. In looking for inspiration on different ways to rest and relax for the upcoming year, I discovered there are nine types of rest matching your enneagram. An enneagram is a nine-sided figure used to represent the spectrum of possible personality types.

1- Time away

I’ve been working from home since October of 2021. The excitement of being able to work near the close proximity of my couch wore off quickly. I had expected that because as a teacher I spent a year at home teaching through zoom meetings and recognized that part of the work home balance included the physical space as well. Not having a commute, or co-workers being physically present leaves a lot of down time, longer lunches, and the ability to more readily pick up your phone to the world wide web.

In 2022, I plan to take time away from my phone. Finding less time to scroll and spend more time being constructive with the added hours I finally got back into my day. Reading for me is an incredible way to relax in the day, without being mindless. I can recharge my batteries as well as my brain cells.

2- Permission to not be helpful

I fall under the Type Two personality. To paraphrase from the enneagram institute, I’m self-sacrificing people-pleaser. My recommended dosage of rest based on this particular personality type is “permission to not be helpful.” I thought to myself, done and done. If only it were that easy to shed a personality trait in moments of needing rest. It’s not that simple.

Two days before Christmas my best friend's seven year old Golden Retriever was accidentally hit by a car and died. After empathetically carrying the weight of her devastation for days I reached out to our intimate friend group and asked for sentimental donations to add to one big package of our accumulative love and support. Two weeks into the new year, I am still texting her every day to check in. Of course a text is a simple thing to do. It doesn't sound like something you would necessarily need to take a break from but the reason I can consistently check in is because she is constantly on my mind. I have no regrets about my feelings, emotions and checks-in in this instant but it's proof of a bigger system at play. I actually can’t rest if I know that someone in my life needs me. Even in the smallest of ways. Even as the words are formed on this page, a 67 pound Boxer Pit bull is laying next to me, giving me side eyed glances or nudging his entire head into my lap redirected my hands to pet him and I can’t stop prioritizing his wants over my own to write.

I plan to practice mindfulness to keep my thoughts and feelings from overwhelming me into taking action. It’s great to care about other humans, or in the case as mentioned above, dogs. It’s equally as important to be able to disconnect to be more present without allowing empathic feelings to overload my thoughts and overburden my emotions.

3- Something “unproductive”

I think the concept of being unproductive is harder than it seems. Just giving time and energy into something that doesn’t benefit you seems like a waste of time but disconnecting to give yourself time to fully let go of the chores of life is a gift.

I need to let time go by. Time is a construct and the future is imaginary. When you’re constantly trying to make the most of every minute because it brings you something in the future, you plan for someone you’re not while not paying enough attention to who you are at that moment. We are a result driven society. But what would it be like to not worry about the gain, the external reward, the accomplishment and pay attention to being present while putting in the effort.

4-Connection to art and nature

I love taking my dog Fitz for walks at various parks to be outdoors and a little more in actual nature. I usually take that time to multitask by either completing Duolingo French lessons or calling friends and family. If you can call embroidery art, it’s something I just started in the new year. Something to occupy my hands while I catch up on shows or watch movie marathons.

I imagine the peace and quiet essence of both a walk and a hands on craft would allow my brain the ability to turn off. Be more connected, walking in stride with Fitz and focusing on what my hands and imagination are able to create.

5-Solitude to recharge

A Type Five personality as described by the institute is labeled as “The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated.” Not something I would immediately identify with but in terms of the rest requirement? Fits me to a tee. When I was a nanny in France after graduating with my masters-which I recognize both back then and now is an odd choice- I needed my solitude. Integrating into another family, in a foreign country was oftentimes over stimulating. My host mom always was in tune with when I needed to go “recharge my batteries.” It was something I think back on fondly and gave me confidence to continue that request in all aspects of my life. I think that when I participate in life I really give it my all. I am always looking, watching, observing and giving my all in interactions. I strive to be calculatedly genuine. Meaning, I want to be authentic but at the same time I read the room and vibe and find the parts of myself that match the scene and group of people.

I love being in solitude to recharge but I also want to find ways that are also authentic and beneficial. Living is doing. Recharging the batteries is critical, especially in ways that are fulfilling. Living is practicing, even if that means practicing what it means to slow down. Pay attention to each step you take. Making sure it's intentional and in the direction you want to go.

I hope I never stop advocating for my mental health and the toll life can take on your well being. I’m not yet a mom but the pressures that parents, but especially moms, face to give everything they have, at all times, is impossible. If I can find the best practice of knowing my limitations and asking for space, creating boundaries and following through. I will be that much better off when taking on the amazing journey that is parenthood. As well as whatever life throws my way.

6- A break from responsibility

Late in 2021 I made a huge career move to leave the education field as a high school social studies teacher at a state school for the Deaf. What led me to move to sales was a chain reaction starting from the very first day I started teaching but we’ll pick up only when the Covid pandemic hit. In March 2020, I was in my fourth year teaching, one year away from the national statistic that 50% of all special education teachers will quit.

I do believe that transitioning to Non-Traditional Instruction (NTI) was hard on all teachers, but teaching the Deaf had its own exceptional twist. One, every student had their own education plan that had to be considered every single lesson plan. Two, these specialized lesson plans now had to be converted not only online but made accessible in two languages: English and American Sign Language. Thirdly, trying to get the attention of students finishing up independent work who couldn't hear was incredibly tricky. Teachers weren’t the only ones frustrated, many students spent that same time in isolation, frequently being the only ones of their family to use ASL.

In the fall year of 2021, we were back in person and I moved down to try my hand at teaching kindergarten. I wanted to have more of an impact linguistically. As much as I could see I was making the difference I wanted to see, there was even more of an increase in the culture to live, breathe, eat my school culture and demands of education. I made the incredibly hard decision to walk away from my students in order to preserve my own failing mental health. From October to December I started an entirely new career field of sales, albeit still in the field of Deafness, by selling Video Remote Interpreting services. As 2022 came into view I was already feeling a new perception on life. For the first time in five and a half years I no longer had an hour and a half commute. I no longer had assignments outside of my working hours. I no longer consistently contemplated the lives of 20 plus students daily.

Although going from one type of career into another didn’t remove me from responsibility as a concept I was able to take a break of a level of responsibility I was no longer willing to take on anymore. After the holiday break in 2022 I didn’t dread having to return to an environment I was painfully unhappy with. I don’t dread Mondays, I don’t have crippling anxieties of returning to work after a holiday off. When I take a sick day I don’t have to do just as much work as if I was there or find my replacement.

7- Stillness to decompress

Right at the tail end of 2021 I signed up for therapy. Although, it just lasted a month because financial insecurity is a trigger for me and I felt I couldn’t keep up with the costs. In the four times that I met with my therapist we came to a mutual decision that meditation would be a crucial way for me to work through anxieties and inability to let certain things go. We talked a lot about the monkey mind and how important it is to quiet it. To just focus on breathing and letting the doubts, frustrations, anxieties and problems in the moment slip away. Be dismissed by each and every breath in and breath out. Meditating for me isn’t the hard part, it's being consistent enough that it actually becomes a formative part of my day and ultimately life.

All of my resolutions are continuations of things I had started at some point in the previous year because I look at resolutions more as practices. Resolution by definition is a firm decision to do or not do something. By labeling things in my life as an all or nothing category, a binary change, there isn’t room for practice. For things to fall off my plate because of external motivators or changes. By practicing, I allow myself to slowly and gently cultivate and grow within the year.

8- Safe space

When I initially look at the concept of a space space I think about how that would be created for myself. I think from both a superficial and analytical observation, I have a safe space. My home is loving and peaceful, I feel comfortable to work and live from the confines of my house. As I started to reflect about how each personality type leans into another on times of stress and growth.

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), needy Twos suddenly become aggressive and dominating at Eight. Eights are described as “The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational.” This got me thinking that it isn't about me creating a safe space for myself but that potentially when I am not at my best, most rested self I can inadvertently be creating a hostile space for those around me by being stressed and confrontational.

My goal is to be more aware of how my need for rest or lack of being able to get a sufficient amount impacts other people in my life. I recognize and have the ability to advocate for myself. I can extend that same courtesy to the people in my life.

9-alone time at home

Over the past two years my fiancé has been traveling for work. He was gone for two to three weeks at a time and there was ample time to be alone at home. For someone who loves peace and quiet I now have to have a TV on at all times unless I am sleeping or reading. I need the noise. Growing to rely on another person to be in your space to have them not there is jarring. I still haven’t grown used to relying on that background noise even though he is there full time now.

I need to go back to that stillness. Allow my brain a break from the distractions, entertainment and noise of distorted amusement. Relying on constant stimulation prevents inner restlessness and everlasting exhaustion. I want to change that for myself. I don’t want to throw myself into bed every night, falling steadfast asleep because I pushed my brain to its limit at every moment of the day just to seemingly make the most of it.

I’ve come to realize that overall it's safe to say I multitask my way through life. I think it's a pretty useful and necessary skill set to get the most out of the day but it can be that at times I doubly need the amount of rest. I would also like to challenge myself to spend some days focusing on one thing at a time to really give it the attention it deserves as well as allowing parts of myself, body and mind the chance to shut off or at the very least go to sleep the way a computer monitor does while indirectly using it.