Perseverance...

2024 was a year of massive changes in my life.

• January brought a realization that I could not continue living life in fear of the next explosion from someone I cared deeply about. I couldn't keep running with my kids every time this individual lost their temper.
• February brought trying to be flexible while holding the boundary that I was single...
• March brought my first surgery with a hard recovery and the realization that I couldn't maintain the boundary of keeping my personal property and body safe by myself.
• April brought becoming a lone home owner - officially! And turning to the very system I am terrified of to help keep myself safe.
• May brought a lot of unknowns and changes to the property as other's belongings (mostly) left. It also brought a new friend into my life.
• June brought more changes and stressors regarding my children.
• July brought rediscovering myself and trying to show myself self-love after years of never being allowed to take time for myself.
• August brought sadness and grief as I moved in my journey towards acceptance. It brought anger that I wasn't enough and fear that I would never be enough for anyone - especially not myself.
• September brought the closing of a chapter - and the urge to end my story completely. It helped show me the parts of myself that I still needed to heal, but I couldn't move past blocks within myself.
• October brought a new diagnosis - and new medication. It was a game changer, but it always brought a new reality for me to consider and adapt too. It brought farewells to some friendships and caused massive amounts of self-reflection.
• November brought lots of disappointments, lots of triggers, and lots of inner work. It brought a lot of anger with it as I came to realize that my intense guilt and people pleasing could have been helped years ago with this new medication... and accepting that not feeling guilty and so inconsiderate for taking time to myself was how most people feel... and again being angry because I had been working so hard in therapy when a simple pill made it so much better!
• December brought good things and bad things. Some triggers improved. Others did not. Learning that I could just be who I am, without feeling bad when people didn't choose me, and that that doesn't make me uncaring or unloving. In fact, I realized that letting go of nouns (people, places, things) that no longer match with me IS not only loving myself, but also loving them. *smile* December ended with a major life twist for me... and it took me some time, but I'm okay with it and it'll be a good thing either way it goes!

I ended 2024 with acceptance. It felt like I was being egotistical (like Iron Man in the first movie), but my trusted circle (who are very adept at popping my bubbles of bad ideas) has informed me that what I am feeling is acceptance.

I do not have to go out of my way to make other people's lives easier - and not doing so does not make automatically make me "mean."

I can do what is best for myself and best for my children without having to explain why I do things or made the choices I made to... well... anyone that I don't want to explain it to. And that does not make me "difficult."

I can leave situations unresolved if there is no way a resolution will happen. I don't have to know the why behind people wanting to leave my life. I don't have to know what is going to happen next because I have survived so many worst case scenarios that ... well ... I will be okay.

I can continue being a good, kind, loving individual and accept that I will not get what I give to others back... and that that is okay, because I can give myself the same love that I give others - and that doesn't make me either a "pushover" or "selfish."

In 2024, I worked on lot on being okay with being successful in my own way, making SMART goals (side note: SMART goals are specific, measureable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound) and following up on them independently to steadily work towards my definition of success, and being alright with having a "messy life" instead of striving for perfection.

This year, I am adopting new SMART goals in my resolution for 2025: perseverance.

1. In the next 3 months, I want to write 2 articles on Vocal per week in order to increase my visibility, to practice perseverance, and to continue improve the success of my blog in an effort to hit an average of $0.50 per month in reads. Baseline: I made an average of $0.40 per month on Vocal during the last quarter of 2024.
2. In the next 3 months, I want to practice perseverance in my personal life by continuing to get more comfortable in saying no to nouns (people, places, and things - like events/appointments) that do not resonate with the future or peacefulness that I am working towards and only cave to peer pressure once a week (or less). Baseline: I caved to peer pressure an average of twice a week in the last quarter of 2024.
3. In the next 3 months, I want to practice perseverance in bettering my introspection skills by checking in with how I am doing and what I am experiencing at least 3 times per day - and then loving myself enough to give myself what I need in the moment (within reason, of course!). Baseline: I have been checking in with myself 2-3 times a day in December, but then only giving in to my needs an average of 1 time a day and instead using bad excuses like: I don't have time to rest/take care of myself; it is rude or inconvenient to ask for accommodations (like rescheduling an appointment, giving me a moment to think, or allowing me to write instead of speaking) when overwhelmed and better to just not burden others; it is too silly or ridiculous to get out of my comfort zone and simply be in the moment (like dancing to a song on the radio); or telling myself that I am only allowed xyz IF/WHEN I achieve some other goal instead of freely loving myself the way I try to love others.
4. In the next 3 months, I want to practice perseverance in growing my business by working on either another manuscript or working on an audiobook for at least 3 hours per week. Baseline: I haven't been working at all on my longer term goals in business for the last 6 months - except for the 9 hours I spent the last 2 weeks of December to get Time In Space available on Kindle!
5. In the next 3 months, I want to practice perseverance in my journaling by writing in it at least 15 minutes every day (utilizing a timer) while reminding myself that none of my emotions are "bad" or should be avoided, to help my memories get onto paper so they are not stuck in my mind, and to help with my stress level. Baseline: I struggle with writing what I am feeling in the moment because of long-standing habits of frustration/sadness/anger needing to be avoided and because I am afraid of being in trouble or getting hurt by being too authentic and honest.
6. In the next 3 months, I want to practice perseverance in learning new things about myself and being more forgiving to myself by trying one new thing; going to a new place; or attempting a new, unscripted conversation with someone else at least once a week while being willing to walk away if it is not my cup of tea without telling myself that it was a failure or a waste of time. Baseline: trying a new thing/place/conversation once a week has become a every other week occurrence, but I struggle with accepting it as it is without the negatives if I didn't like it so I am wanting to practice reframing it as "I learned xyz is not for me/doesn't work in that situation!" instead of telling myself that I shouldn't have wasted time/energy/money on attempting it if it wasn't successful.

Please share a SMART goal of your own with me in the comment section! I really like learning about what goals you have in your lives and how you plan on worker towards your personal goals. I do hope that following my journey might just inspire you to make SMART-er goals for yourself in the future - as well as to give yourself grace if your SMART goals may not have turned out the way you pictured them turning out because life almost never goes as planned! *smile*