No Matter How It Started

Only a girl can truly understand how helpless and broken it feels to get married without the presence of her parents, siblings, or any close ones.

Even when surrounded by people, the absence of the dearest ones creates a haunting silence inside. Dreams may be in the eyes, but unwiped tears are in the heart. That's exactly what happened in my marriage. There were no decorations or flowers. However, flowers are more than just ornaments; they also convey beauty, happiness, and celebration. There was no feast, no celebration, no one to welcome me with love.

No one said, "She's ours" with pride. It wasn’t a love marriage. I didn't break any laws. Nevertheless, it transpired in this manner: quietly, coldly, and alone. After the ceremony, I was sent back to my previous home.

the one I had just left, waiting for a new identity to emerge. My husband—the man I had just married—dropped me off and left.

In shock, I stood there in silence. The day that should’ve marked a new beginning felt like an unfinished ending.

For the next five days, everything around me remained so normal, as if nothing had happened.

But I—I was drifting somewhere deep, distant.

He called me on the fifth day. He desired a meeting. I didn't answer "yes" or "no." I went by myself. He was already waiting in the car when I got there. He lightly reprimanded me as I timidly and aimlessly walked up. I remained silent, frozen and uncertain. He let me into the vehicle and took me somewhere I had never been before. He took me to a small field on a hillside between a mountain and trees. People were around, but no noise, no chaos.

Each individual was merely passing the time in peace and quiet. It was calm—beautiful, in a strange way.

For the first time, something inside me began to pause.

There were benches placed around the field.

We sat on one.

After exchanging some small talk, he suddenly became emotional and started saying “sorry”—

I apologize for everything, from the wedding day to the present. I didn’t speak. I only listened.

And quietly, a few tears escaped down my cheeks.

He then pulled some gold jewelry out of his bag. He began gently applying them to me. When I hesitated, he softly said, “These are gifts—for you.”

They were accompanied by additional small gifts, including a pen and a diary. As the sun began to set, we sat quietly. My mother's call to come home kept ringing on my phone. I attempted to convey my happiness to him. Perhaps without words but with a slight grin. Yet inside me, there was still a storm—an unsettling feeling.

But even amidst that, a small light of hope flickered.

We got back in the car.

He was taking me back home. At one point, he reached for my hand.

However, something in me stopped me. A quiet, invisible wall.

He's my husband—by name, by law.

But in my heart, it still didn’t feel real.

I forget sometimes, and he feels like a stranger. By the time we reached home, night had already fallen.

I silently wished he would come inside.

even for a short time. But he left once more. I also lacked the bravery to ask him to stay. Late at night, when all lights were off and everything was quiet, my phone rang again—an unknown number.

I picked up, and a familiar voice asked, “Were you sleeping?”

It was him. My spouse. We talked for a while, mostly about small things. Then he said, “You can call me anytime, for anything… or even for nothing at all.”

Such a small sentence, but it brought with it a quiet comfort—

a soft whisper of presence.

My heart now whispers:

Maybe everything will be okay… slowly.

Even if our starting point was different, we might still create something beautiful. Maybe, one day, there’ll be a real bond, a real relationship, a home.

And maybe one day I'll understand why everything started out this way. But I won't be disappointed even if I never do. Because regardless of how it began, if a relationship is built with respect, trust, and love—

that is sufficient to make a life worth living -