Mindfulness?

I have never thought of myself as a very excitable person; I'm generally happiest when I am by myself or with only one other trusted person. But trying to achieve complete calm and peace of mind is not something that comes easy to me. I am often restless. I often have a million and one things on my mind, but a to-do list only three items long, and one of them: RELAX.

I do try, but it feels like each day I have to do a different task to achieve that calm thoughtfulness, that sense of quiet, that inner peace. Sometimes I can read a book. Sometimes I can crochet. Sometimes I can do some bullet journalling.

But if it isn’t the right thing for the right day, I end up feeling restless and distracted. I end up wondering about what happens in that series that I finished reading two weeks ago as I try to focus on the book I'm currently reading. Or, in trying to crochet a simple square using waffle stitch, I end up trying to count my stitches and doing the same row over and over again. I have to unpick it, then stitch it, then unpick it again. It becomes frustrating. Or, in bullet journalling, I end up just fidgeting in my seat while I stare at a blank page, trying in vain to think of the theme I had thought of just moments ago.

If it isn't right for me for that day, then mindfulness appears unachievable. I think that sometimes I'm alone in this. I can't be, I reason. Originality doesn't exist, someone has thought of it before.Yet, I see people on social media who gym and do yoga every day. I know these things work. I feel mindful after doing them, too. It's just... sometimes the thing that normally makes me feel mindful can suddenly feel more like a chore than mindfulness.

In these cases, I will usually decide to sort my way through the different mindfulness tasks I normally enjoy. I have to figure out which of the things that I know can be mindful and bring me peace of mind is actually going to achieve that today. I have to sort through them then cross out the ones that don't work out. Move onto the next. Check each off the list until I find one that achieves my end goal: peace of mind, calm, quiet.

I’ve tried a few different creative outlets, other than ones I know “work”.

I tried paper quilling. If you don’t know what that is, it is very satisfying, but also quite frustrating. You roll thin strips of paper and make all of these pretty shapes. And then you use the colours of the paper and the shapes that you’ve made to make an image. As you might assume, it was fantastic for mindfulness whilst I was rolling the thin strips, making the shapes, and choosing the colours.

There were different ways that I could pinch the paper to form different shapes. I could fit them together in different ways, and plan out the best ways to make the picture I wanted.

Gluing everything onto one page together, however, was an entirely different scenario. It was a nightmare. The glue stuck to everything and rippled the page. Nothing fit together the same when it was all glued down. The pretty picture that I had tried so hard to create was a mutilated version of itself.

Paper quilling was not something that could give me that calm peace of mind every time. I have not returned since.

I tried doing paint-by-numbers. I normally like painting (freehand), but I thought that a paint-by-numbers might give me a structure to follow and leave me with some chance to mentally relax. Instead, I found it stressful to find every section labelled with a “5”. I found myself stopping people around me and asking if they could help me find the numbers too.

They had just as much trouble.

I tried doing jigsaw puzzles too. I like puzzles, but currently there isn’t much room in our little flat for leaving a large puzzle lying around. Also, our wonderful fur-child being left unattended with any small pieces is probably not the best idea. I shudder to think of where puzzle pieces could end up. Under the couch. Under the fridge. Behind the bookshelves. In the sliding door rails. They really could end up anywhere. And my finding skills are severely lacking. The jigsaw pieces would be better found after being sucked into a black hole.

Where does that leave me now?

Well, really, it isn’t so bad to have a lot of different things that I could use as a mindfulness activity. I will always say that it is a bit annoying to go through each one until I find one that sticks whenever I want to do something mindful. But I have found some ways to make it work.

For starters, I have found that if I go for a walk first, I can usually focus on a creative task better. I know this is definitely a mindfulness task in and of itself, but it doesn't feel like it works just on its own. If that doesn’t work to at least focus me on one mindfulness activity, I can almost guarantee that if my kitchen and maybe even my bathroom are clean, then doing something creative and sticking to it is that much easier. I couldn’t tell you why this works, but it certainly does. If that still doesn’t work and I still want to achieve peace of mind… well, onto the next creative task to try.

I've tried writing now... I think I’ll try polymer clay sculpting next.