Milestones: Part Three and Four

Update: June 2021

So, as you may have guessed, Covid postponed my boyfriend and I’s longer winter adventure. We did have a little 2-night excursion in a nearby town to mark the new year and to escape the Covid city claustrophobia. We are both being cautiously optimistic with what this upcoming year will bring. I don’t think it’ll be a return to normal so much as a revisioning of normalcy.

Maybe the covid vaccine will become synonymous with the yearly flu shots. Maybe wearing a face mask when one is feeling under the weather and out shopping will become more commonplace. Maybe, in an ideal world, people are kinder and more empathetic towards each other. I mean, isn’t that the goal with any social justice movement towards a ‘better’ society? To be considerate of other’s contexts and emotions? For people to recognize that everybody handles things differently and how they are impacted by things is varied and that the only one-size-fits-all is kindness towards one another.

Or maybe nothing will change.

I can’t predict the changes that may come after, but I don’t want to sit idly by as they’re decided on by those who were the least impacted. Or at least, those that did not nearly enough to lessen the impact on their communities. Change comes from unity of the people against the systems that dictate and construct the world around us. Unity creates a crack in the dam that unleashes the societal shifting wave.

That being said, can we all take a lesson from this to be more considerate of others? To give them space physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Update: September 2021

Well, we’re in wave #4.

With vaccine hesitancy, mask protests, and 1500+ new cases daily. Wow, I wish that this could be all over by now. That people would realize that getting two pokes of a needle is a lot more preferable to getting a harsh, unforgiving, respiratory disease.

We are here now because of an unwillingness to be “controversial” in implementation of a vaccine passport on the part of our provincial government; the unwillingness of people to put their pride aside and just get two needles; a sped-run reopening plan that caused a larger spike in cases; and other factors of ignorance, pride, and a lust for economic boom.

Politics and pandemic aside, I’ve been feeling isolated from my peers. Maybe this statement doesn’t put the pandemic aside because two and a 1/3 semesters online didn’t exactly build my social network.

It feels like everyone knows each other and I just know of them from online classes and briefly seeing them in-person before everything started. Is it worth it to build a friend group when I only have this year and the next to be around them in classes and such?

I mean, I did it in high school. The January/February before graduation I completely switched up my social circle and it changed my outlook on those last few months.

Let’s see where it goes.

Update: April 2022

Authenticity.

If I could go back in time and redo junior high and high school. I do not think I would change anything. If I did, it would change who I have become.

I don’t regret who I was back then so much as how I presented myself. It was not authentic to myself or to my ambitions, it was all playing off of the advice or following of someone or something else.

But authenticity to the self is also not a static occurrence. We are always in a process of evolving upon ourselves and finding ways to self-correct and grow. When you stop looking for a perfect, for an ideal to strive to, that is where you find the best way to exist as a person.

I look to the Sam of 2012 – 2018 and don’t see someone to avoiding becoming. I was her; I lived in that life and maintained the friendships I had for the purposes of the time. But if I could go back and tell her one thing, it would be to make sure she doesn’t let herself be lost in trying to please someone else or in trying to be someone else. I look at this girl who built a mission for life from the ground up and I want to thank her for not giving in. For knowing the lines others had crossed and taking action to recreate the boundaries broken.

I want to thank her for realizing we were going to need to be real to ourselves before trying to impress anyone else. No matter the mistakes we have both made, no matter the paths untaken, we have created a foundation to improve upon throughout our lives and this foundation of self is and will be where our ambitions for change come from.

I not only have potential but am potential. I have everything I will ever be within who I was and who I am. There is never a loss of energy, only a transfer. I will go from wishing for change to creating change, from existing to living, and from witnessing to doing. I will get there. I will get everywhere I have ever wanted to be, and it will be ground-breaking.

When I do change an aspect of myself, it will be not for an impression, but for an improvement wanted by me. Maybe I will start to wear makeup to have another expression of aesthetic. Maybe I will craft a workout regimen to improve my strength and love the body I am in more. Maybe I will create a business or freelance to work with others to improve their businesses or written communications.

But I will not go through the motions because each day will be an adventure and offer something intriguing. I will have a home with someone I love. We will pursue our ambitions together. As I am here, so is he.

My impact will change something significantly for the better, even if it is just me. I will find who I need to be for myself and build her upon the foundations I have set. This life is a temple to build brick by brick of self-improvement, ambition, and integrity. There will be design tweaks here and there as I age and gain more experiences and I look forward to continuously trying to improve upon myself and my approaches to things.

As I write these words I set checkpoints within my life. They may not be in order, but they will occur. Life will occur as it always has, and I will create beauty within it. It will be full, invigorating, loving, and driven. I will focus on myself and uplift those who care and matter within my life. I will prioritize connection and manifest authenticity of self and love.