Mental health

This is a matter that will always hold a close place in my heart, as I am growing I realize that “mental health” comes in many different shapes and sizes and that everybody has completely different experiences. One thing we can all agree on though, is that mental health is a son-of-a-bitch and I don’t mean the good kind. Personally, I allow my fears to get the worse of me. Whether it be the fear of not being believed or the fear of my friends, family and colleagues assuming that I am unreliable when my body just wants to stay in bed for days on end or the worst one yet – not believing that I am enough. Yikes. Now, just to make things clear; I am not in need of validation (who am I kidding, I always need validation *eye rolls*), I am hoping to enlighten, encourage and educate.

To enlighten you all, I battle with depression and anxiety. Yikes, again. Most people around us do, and my heart feels so heavy for every single one of you. I was madly oblivious to the condition at a young age, I had a friend when I was 17 years old and I recall them confiding in me that they were “depressed” and I ignorantly would question their state of mind.. “why are you so sad?” “you have SO much to be grateful for” you know, all the bull-shit us depressed people dread to hear, it becomes a broken record playing repetitively in our lives now and again by the ones we love the most. First of all, I am so sorry to this now ex-friend for being so insensitive to your sound condition. Sadly, I have also lost touch with a bunch of “friends” throughout my process of healing, and while it has been a heart-breaking reality it has encouraged me to pick my support circle based on the core values of my friendships and to hold on to them very closely. We’re all fighting our own demons all while suffering and feeling pretty fucking hopeless. Remember to walk away from something if you are unhappy, especially relationships if they are a hindrance on your happiness!

I encourage any body battling with their own demons in their head to talk to someone, I understand how daunting it can be just thinking about it. I don’t want to burden my problems on someone else, as I attempt to reassure myself that their are far more important problems in this world than myself. I dreaded the thought of unloading my shit onto my friends, truth be told; this is something I continue to struggle with. Instead, I tend to baffle my boyfriend with my thoughts and feelings and as supportive and encouraging he is; I am putting an enormous amount of emotional strain and pressure on his own well-being. It is very important for me to recognize that my friends are my friends for a reason, they are within reach to lend an ear. If you feel as though your friends won’t understand (and hey, not everyone gets it), professional help is available 24/7 – and guess what!? You’re not cray cray if you seek guidance from a trained therapist! Be patient with yourself. Be patient with your friend who is suffering, be patient with anyone that is suffering. Be kind, and love endlessly. Let go, and forgive. Practice gratitude. Be mindful. Avoid toxic relationships. Educate yourselves. Breathe.

Personal development contributes so much to my well-being, educate yourselves, your friends, parents, grandparents! Don’t stop learning. Explore your emotions, feelings and triggers. Cry, yell and scream, whatever works for you. Write down how you feel, spend just 10 minutes everyday writing whatever comes to mind and reflect on it or tear it up and throw it in the trash, whatever works for you. Do things for YOU! I have been seeing a therapist once a fortnight and I have learnt SO much about myself and my state of being. I’ve been able to acknowledge my fears and imply strategies to overcome them. Learning about myself has been one of the most life-changing experiences, I’ve learnt that it’s okay to not be okay and its all part of the process of growing and healing. Read, listen to podcasts – there’s so much knowledge everywhere about mental health and well-being, listen to others experiences (it really helps to know that you are not alone), put down your phone and get familiar with yourself and your surroundings. Sharpen the minds of others!

I am no trained professional whatsoever, I am purely speaking from my heart and my own experiences. I hope to inform others and open up doors for those who feel trapped by their own minds, it can be the most fucked up matter not being able to lead with your rational mind at times. I’ve decided that it is time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop feeling the fear of when I’m next going to be snowed under by my emotions. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days, weeks, months even. It’s not like my anxiety and depression have magically vanished, gosh I fucking wish. I’ve chosen to come to terms with my mental state of being and I wouldn’t be as courageous if it weren’t for my very own support circle. My vulnerability has allowed me to gain greater connections and feel things that often make me go “wow, what the fuck” and I think that’s pretty cool.

XO.