Memories: 9 June 2025

9 June 2025

8:56 am happy Moon day. The goddess loves us. According to her own Divine Nature. The sun is shining. Another day in “Paradise”. Living our best lives…no matter what…no matter who.

9 June 2024

Robyn and Peter invited me to meet them at Alisa’s house for a pie and a coffee. So we had lunch together. They were moving the last of the stuff out of the house. So I helped bring stuff out in preparation for when Robyn’s son Dean brought the truck. I helped load the truck.

Peter gave me two stainless steel trays that will be good for my soldering station. He also gave me an old wrought iron piece. I will turn it into a “faery” door or gate.

The weather was lovely again today.

9 June 2023

My daughter is Adamant she doesn’t want me to come to her show. But she threw in my face…in no particular order: my exhusband and his girlfriend, then Jarrod. Then told me to get therapy. Hahaha. Projection…much.

The toxicity reminds me…I really should sell the lladro and everything I own and just leave this country. It’s a constant seeping wound with my family of origin.

Oh well…she is determined to make a success of herself and frankly…it’s about bloody time. Pity she had to crush the one woman who actually supported her in her career choice since childhood.

But then she never ever supported me in my career choices either.

Oh well…dead shits happen.

I am Done.

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9 June 2020

Watching “Who the Bleep did I marry?” Interesting. How people can fake entire relationships/marriages. Leaving such carnage behind.

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9 June 2019

Three years since the dead ex lover homeopath psychopath haunted my front door for 4 consecutive nights. He even managed to disturb Beauregard.

So how is life for me now? Haha. Still single, free, contemplating my weird fucked up but nevertheless powerfully awesome life.

Still loving the last fool that tried to drag me into the abyss. But really, I am regaining my former glory that was smothered and stymied by dickheads.

Early Saturday morning a former friend turned traitor sat outside the kebab shop and watched me chat happily to my homeless friend. I had felt her eyes burning into my back and turned around, gave her my blank stare then resumed chatting to my friend.

We mused over our many happy memories of our camaraderie in the night. While some drunk woman kept gifting her and her sleeping male friend bananas. Even trying to wake up the sleeper. Oh my. Then went back in the shop and bought more bananas and kept trying to gift them.

I joked “oh look Katrina, this lady thinks you need....more...potassium!” We laughed.

Drunk people in alcoholic blackout nurturing homeless people with bananas. Like a zoo! I said “oh well she means well I guess. Wants to mother you!”

I watched as the former friend staggered up the road, her toxic loneliness leaching out of her. Yup! Karma. When you shit on good women you will learn to live in shit of your own making. Like the unmetamorphosed cockroach you truly are.

She who looked down on me and my beautiful home and garden, then fucked my former lover then slandered me. Narcissist psychopath.

Let shits go. Show no mercy. Never give them another chance. Let them gaze at my back or front. Never will they bask in my personal manifested sunshine again. No respect, no decency and no gratitude.

They tried to utterly destroy me. I won. Let’s Dance! Rejoice in the Summerlands. Wild and free and joyous.

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Catharsis, necrosis, extrusion. Confusion, fusion, ablutions. Purging pain and pent up bile. Belching refluxive gaseous exchanges. Smiling into the sunshine. Hooray and up she rises!

Something wonderful is brewing. I can sense it. But what?! Quelle Surprises!! Feel it on the breezes. Magic in the air. A new brush to sweep out the old and dysfunctional and herald the new.

9 June 2018

I wish to G-d I had found a lover who genuinely loved me. Just once in my life. Not just to fuck and run but to hold me (physically) and metaphorically.

I have had to be strong and alone too long. I have had to watch my life float away in false hope with false lovers. I even had to kill myself (and failed even at that!)

I keep giving love and life yet another chance. Instead I am deluded and cheated out of what other ordinary humans enjoy every day. True love and devotion.

So here I sit in perpetual motion, bleeding out my emotions, waiting for another miracle.

Absurd. Absurd and bizarre. Waiting for the punchline: I am good at turning my tragic nonsensical Berserker life into anything-but-bland comedic misadventures.

But not this time. One too many fucks given. (Ahh there it is...humour in the fucking Void of all avoidants!)

I wish I could have made it in this life. Been safe and serene and cherished. (Success is a simple desire for a complex ptsd survivor/warrior goddess). Enough food, enough shelter, enough good people to hold us above the turgid dirty river of death, enough joy, enough love.

Just another day in Paradise. Face first in the muck. Head down, arse up. Valuable if only to myself.

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I picked up the 3 corsets I had dry cleaned. Not 100 per cent happy with the results given how much they charged for each one.

Still, I can get dressed up in clean corsets for my next night out.

9 June 2016

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Drug free, Dickhead Free, Carefree. Karma chameleon can hold hands with the other ghouls. Wait for me. Just you wait! Heaven is a huge place. I will shine my Light from another cosmic beam. Mummy! You are in Not-So-Good Company. Hahahaha! Like Cures Like.

From the comment section:

Don't worry Darlings. I am not angry anymore. You did your worst and here I am, still standing, better than I ever did. For every glove you laid me down and cut me til I bled. Only fucking made me more powerful. The Fighter still remains.

The cosmic joke is Love is Eternal. Hahaha.

It is weirdly sweet that his Ka felt it was so important to bang down my door then lead me to the discovery of his death via his son "liking" a comment I wrote on a public page.

What are the odds of that revelation? 20 million to one? Hashem really wants me to get closure. Even from men who shat on me decades ago and whom I had almost forgotten.

Men who were cruel and not worthy of my heart or time or attention. So fuck off Spirit. Deal with your evil bullshit on the Other Side of your multifaceted face. You had an ugly heart and I had only barely survived you.

Perhaps the Ein Sof made you do a Life Review but don't seek my forgiveness now. You were never Sorry and Dead Men can't tell Lies. Hahaha.

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What an incredible journey my life has brought me on. Sometimes I was treated like excess baggage, an old battered suitcase kicked from place to place. Other times I was a first class ticket on a road to Nowhere and even on rare occasions, I was the Train conductor.

Once or twice I hurled myself in front of my own train, trying to prevent an even worse calamity, screeching the brakes to a grinding metal-scraping halt. But that train keeps on going. Never stops at any destination for long.

I have sat in my own economy cabin, holding on for dear life, or sleeping or reading or inviting friends to join me for buffet (a feast of fortitude and love) for decades. One day I will find my train journey into the sky. But until then, Choo Choo. Let's go, go, go!

More steam in the furnace, more labours of love and truth. From humble beginnings and whistle-stop cafes, beautiful destinations unfold like 3D paper sculptures.

Time heals, reveals and seals our Fate. Flawlessly, seamlessly, with grace and circumstance and trust.

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Aww yesterday was Bella Rosa Arons's birthday. She would have been 10 years old. Now that was one of my truest loves. Miss my little New World Leader.

If I ever get a windfall I will get her portrait as a tattoo. She was my little soul-mate.

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10.21 am. Awake after just over 5 hours sleep. The events and revelations by spiritual forces yesterday literally blew my mind. So I could not sleep until I finally passed out with exhaustion.

I cancelled lunch with Melvyn as I am too tired to go traipsing to the city. Also flu symptoms are back. Sneezing again. I booked in with him for next Wednesday instead.

I wonder what gifts/surprises/emotional settling today has in store? My life as always is curious and curiouser!

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Natural Attrition. Long happy prosperous loving lives. At my expense. Psy sighs. There is no justice for me. Just a long cold laugh like a Banshee. Let their foul spirits scratch and bang at my door. Dickhead free zone. I will never let them in. :-).

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3.13 am Not sleeping! Not surprised. After my spiritually intense week. Oy!

I will be ratshit when I meet Melvyn tomorrow. I guess I will try to sleep or just pull an all-nighter, have lunch then nap in the afternoon?

Beauregard is very active tonight too. Gnawing and playing with bones under my bed. The sound of steps and the knock happened again, around 2 am. He barked from under my bed.

I rebuke that spirit. Go in peace into the Light. Nothing to see here. The love I gave died inside of me for a very long time. I now pour it into another man. Another receptacle that can never be satiated. Lmao!

But I keep enough love for myself this time. Enough to miraculously brew up a new batch from an infinitely super-charged source.

Just when I think there is no love left for me to give, I am refilled. Replete. Revelled and revealed. G-D is Great. I am loved by Beings of Light, Immaculate Love and Ultimate Truth.

The comfort, joy and love for a human man that was stolen from me, or strangled out of me time and again, by the false love of the davids. The sick twisted perversions of their maelstromic calculations of narcissism and psychopathy. Their cacophonous violent abuses and betrayals no longer affect me.

Only the pure of heart and mind and soul may ever have access to my inner sanctum Sanctori. I am done with being fucked over by liars, cheats and soulless spectres.

Bring me my one true Lover, loyal, faithful, loving, supportive and true to me until the end of my sojourn on this travelling circus in the Milky Way.

Otherwise, move along, nothing to see here. Only G-D and the Angels can Know Whom is for my Highest Good.

Ye, though I have walked in the shadow of the Valley of death, I have feared no evil. For only the lonely, beaten and lost can see the world as it truly is and still whisper words of love and comfort to the wind, the sun, the moon, the trees, the sea, the animals. Can yet be blessed with love and peace and joy in a world of deception and hate.

The true Alchemist turns lead to gold and shit to fragrant flowers and clay-footed golems to gods. King David, Adonis. Hahahahahahaha. What a malicious little wanker! But as usual, psychedelic dreamer laughs last and laughs best. From a place of beauty, survival and wisdom.

Adonai! May the words on my lips and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you. Amen! Lol!

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12.48 am. Time to sleep. I am having lunch with my cousin Melvyn tomorrow.

9 June 2015

I. was.So.Very.wrong!!! Also a naive childbride in the hands of a Dull Intellect Sociopath. He and Mummy Dearest had me doubting my Worth, my sanity and my personhood in no time at all. Both Evil Bastards!

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7.14 am time to sleep. I got to talk to Crystal again, this morning.

9 June 2014

Omg! Awesome weekend! Life is awesome!

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Somebody Stop Me! Going out again with Jo. Usual suspects. (Please don't ever quit or stop me...I am Loving it!)

Without a dollar to my name but sharing what I did have meant the Universe paid it forward in abundance :-).

Feeling Valued and Adored!

9 June 2011

just rugged up and took Miss Bella Rosa for a walk. She'd been growling every time I patted her I think she was a bit jealous that Tristan came back. It was freezing in the outside world and my chest is aching even more now but it was good to get lots of fresh brisk air. Bella is much saner too. She had the doggy version of Cabin Fever. We wanna go out.....like a blister in the sun and be violent femmes...

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Interesting news....my ginger Tom who had packed up his hairy balls 2 weeks ago came home today. I was pleased to see him as I thought he'd been cat-napped by evil Nazi BCC but no, my little lad is home, well fed, bright and bushytailed. Little fucker must have been mooching eleswhere. At least he didn't bring home the Vixen and the Kits lmao.

Zulu came back after 4 years. I guess in the Cat world amongst males I'm a Keeper cos they all come back....eventually. Wish one of my fave men would work this out for himself lol but by the time he drags his puppydog tail behind him, this little Minx will have moved on. Meow! Smiling like the cat that got the Cream.

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Dishes done… a whole bathful. 2 loads of washing n a few more to go...trying to get order in my life. Cleaned out old toy box n threw out old magazines...still trying to de-clutter my life. Slowly slowly seeing progress.

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Yup sore throat gone to chest, now coughing and mucousy in schnozz. Don't you love how I share? This time it's partially self-inflicted as I spent way too much time in garden in the cold with barefeet.

I'm earthed but I'm also risking death. lol can't get any more Earthed than that I guess. Don't worry, I will survive. Had a few happy days and I want MORE!!!

9 June 2010

Living quietly and Waiting for Godot.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons