Memories: 8 June 2025

8 June 2025

7:00 am I arrive back into consciousness, with a gentle rocking of my spirit, slipping back into my body like an inanimate husk. I feel her move from side to side like donning a coat or a jacket, then slip down like quicksilver. Then Bam! I am awake.

“Where did you go to, my lovely! All alone in your bed?”

The Astral my love, of course! But I came back in time to gift you another day of a life in Paradise.

“I never used to consciously feel your re-entry? Or your departure for that matter?”

Yes…psy sighs…you have two souls now. One that keeps you alive…one that does much work in the Astral.

“Good morning. How does it feel to be ‘back in da room?’”

Comfortable. You have provided a great golem for me to exist in 3D reality in. There has been a great healing. You have worked hard. You have proven your mettle. We are so proud of you, Little One.

(I ponder this for a moment!) Then decide to crank my brain into full actualisation. Get up! Go pee. Crawl back into bed. Write this.

What is there to be proud of? Not certain. Just the Mama T living each day as though it was her last, as time is slipping sideways like a Pinball Wizard ….and I have lost so much…failed at sooo much, including love.

“Not your failure, Tanya! There is no fail in love. Only a lesson, a recalibration, a depth-sounding Siren call, a shining bright beacon on a dark and storm-tossed ocean, calling The One, Home. Or a sun-speckled melody sung from the shadows at the edge of reason.

“You have been Seen….and Heard. Don’t grieve over tricksters, hucksters, fake men, my Love. The one meant for you won’t play you, betray you, harm you or winsomely charm you, only to obliterate you. Tsk tsk tsk….not cool….but look and see whose heart is solid.

Whose soul greets you and embraces you and holds space for you as you climb back into your shellshocked kinstuguied psychedelic dreamer’s heart.”

(“Giggles…WHATEVER!!!”)

No, really! Watch and See…we the gods have a unique surprise in store for you. It will blow your mind.

“Uh huh, okay. Seeing is believing. I need evidence!”

Chuckles back at me….ye of little faith…..

“Time to wake up…believe and receive”.

Aight…

Happy Sunday, People of Earth. Another day in Paradise. Make it a good one. Make it yours 🙂

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8 June 2024

8 June 2023

https://youtu.be/x1sijVFelNY

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1:11 am. Still awake. What news from the higher realms? ‘Rest you must!’ Okay Angels. Frankly I am exhausted. Love you!

8 June 2022

Second cancer cut out. Another biopsy. Stitches removed from last week’s nightmare. Booked in for Friday 17th June to remove a cyst. Hopefully this ordeal will be over for a while, after that.

8 June 2021

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Buggar all sleep last night. But the gas fitter is here, installing a new gas hot water cylinder. Yayy! Then I am going to my hairdresser in two hours.

I got out of bed and sawed down some buffing sticks that were too long to fit in my drawer. Also glued castor wheels on a little wooden magazine rack which I am using to store the tray I use for soldering and other bits of metal odds and ends.

I cleared space in my back bedroom by using skills I learned in Tetris. Necessity is the mother of invention! Less stuff all over the floor means I can focus and not feel all unravelled!

Reclaiming my space is a work in progress as I am currently filling all the empty glass jars I have collected with beads until I can source the much easier to find/manage revolving spice racks.

8 June 2020

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Decluttering/sorting completed. I have just finished mopping all my floors (Lyn clutches her chest with the vapours...I know, I know...it nearly killed me but I did it!!!)

Now just some serious dusting to do. Wash my porcelain dolls tomorrow as they have lain around for months. Then The Tanya will be back on top of things. For now. The Eternal Now.

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I went down to Aldi to buy cat litter. Shelves very empty but they were selling 12 kilo bags of flour. Hmmm what do they know that I don’t know? I sold my chest freezer as I rarely used it but now wish I had a big enough one, preferably upright one as I would have bought the flour. They are not selling in bulk like that usually... a worry!

Kelly Anne: Did you see WHO changed its advice on mask-wearing on the 6th June?

Ive been flat out dealing with 2 sick kids & a few other urgent things (headed back to court again). So I've missed a fair bit of recent news.

Just lucky here we have almost no transmission & premier has remained strong on the closed state border policy.

We've been so lucky here. Everything is almost back to normal.

Idk if its false sense of security & 2nd wave is just brewing quietly behind the scenes in communities not bothering with testing & in populations with better immune system defense for it etc.

A lot of countries have seen the start of the predicted 2nd wave, but we have such low population density that if we stick to hand washing & WHO advice to prevent widespread transmission, I'm hopeful we might be the exception to the rule & remain basically free of it all.

Fingers crossed. Day by day is all we can do. No point jumping at shadows or we'll all end up looking at empty supermarket shelves with no loo paper again.

Everyone is pretty nervous going back to sport over here even with no community transmisson to worry about (yet).

Just hope the state govt can keep the cruise ships out & live cattle export ship (their crews onboard) & out of our community.

We've had a few scares here but nothing too significant (comparatively).

Have been very lucky indeed. 😊

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11:11 am (on my microwave that runs fast lmao). Just got up after a decent sleep. Hallelujah. Up and at ‘em. My angels are recalibrating my spirit.

Please G-d, all the gods, angels, elementals and Ancestors that Love me...that it is something epically awesome and for my most beneficial outcome.

It’s a sunny day outside. But cold though. Finally we have cold. It is marvellous after almost 12 months of constant unrelenting heat!

8 June 2019

8 June 2018

Still decluttering. I found a case of cassettes.

I will throw them out but keep Cees’s tape he made about his experiences in Mittelbau-Dora in Nordhausen during WW2.

8 June 2017

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The flock of rainbows and scaly breasted lorikeets are gathered in the trees. They talk amongst themselves, watching Charlie and me, sitting on the grass, with the dog beside us, kissing and enjoying the sunshine.

We hear them asking each other. Who is that strange bird with that Wild Woman? Why does he sit on her hand and let her caress his back and shoulders and smooch her. What unnatural feat is this?

They swoop low down, barely a few feet above my head. Charlie ducks down, fully aware of his unusual status as a pet bird. We are Freaks. He fell out of a nest as a young fledgling and was raised by a woman. He got lucky. Had he not been rescued by a human, he would have died of thirst or starvation or from attacks by other birds.

The weak are not meant to survive. But we, my Charlie and I are not weak.

We were saved and kept alive and survived to come to live in a garden of delights, surrounded by wildness and beauty, sunshine and glory. Brought back to Life by guts and soul-weary determination, by faith and by unconditional loves, human and non-human, physical and spiritual.

Alone in our garden we remain the freaks of Nature (even SuperNature) that have survived. Spurned and rejected, our native species find us unusual and at times threatening.

Much muttering (tweeting!) overhead. One pair is kissing but 2 watch-birds, perch at the opposite edges of the frangipani tree, gazing in our direction.

They think we are freaks, but they can't help admire us: our resilience, our love, and our odd little ragtag of replacement family.

Mutter away birdies! We live in spite of all that befell us. All that held us down and suffocated us. All that sought to destroy us. We Live. We dance and sometimes, just sometimes we fly.

They call our Names in the wind. They meet us in the Aether. They dream us. They sit and hold our heads up when we dive into death's grip-like descent.

They rejoice when on invisible wings we ascend to the heavens, unstymied by limitless potential, to worlds renewed and re-created through that illusory container of a glass ceiling.

We fly into that transparent barrier that used to slap us down, broken and brittle but this time the windows are opened and a great gushing of wings await us. Welcome home! Be free! Be happy and be Love!

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Feeling overwrought today. Listening to Anthony Foster's state funeral reminded me of what was stolen from me, not only as a child but as an adult too. I never had family to fight for me, defend me or protect me.

I am grateful for those rare and precious friends who were there for me no matter what. But some days are just horrendously hard.

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Meanwhile in a galaxy far far away, in the milky way, Earth blue planet thingy replete with humans (7 billion of the fuckers). In Godzone aka Byron Bay. On another Timeline, Psychedelic Dreamer sat feeding chips to Seagulls who glided around her head like a swarming live crown of croaking birds.

They did not poke my coconut cos I warned those birds to get down on the floor and not be quite so obnoxious. They flew around me like a cartoon swirling semi-cicle after you bop dat coconut head. But no one was hurt on the process of that live action head bender!

8 June 2016

Yesterday Lyn reiterated. "You always find out the karma in the end, Tanya". I have felt so liberated, exhilarated and joyous, like a deep heavy pot that had smothered and forced me down for decades has finally been thrown off.

Even the last few nights, the sound of footsteps running up the stairs to my front door.

Just now. Oh my god. I noticed a comment of mine on a public page had been liked by 13 people. So out of idle curiousity I looked at who had liked it. The very first name that appeared was one of David Davidson's sons. I was weirdly perturbed. I have had no contact with that former lover or his family in almost 15 years.

So I looked at the young man's page to discover he had written the most beautiful intelligent spiritual eulogy for his father (my nemesis) who had been buried on 26th May!

I was shocked and relieved at the same time. His father would have been only 63! Mind you he drank and smoked with gusto!

So there we go! After all the suffering he put me and my daughters through he is now Dead. Life is after all only temporary.

I am proud to see his sons are beautiful souls who loved their father and remained jewish which I insisted to his father would only happen if they converted Progressive as their Mum was not Jewish. So my loving concern for them has filled me with pride. It was hard to do right after the way we were treated but integrity is everything and so is attitude!

My pot keeps boiling, without any oppressive lying cheating two-faced lids.

May his children never know what kind of man he really was. That is between me and Hashem. Karma is karma. Thanks to G-D for letting me see these days and nights.

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Blessed be the Lord of Hosts! The True Judge. Amen!

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Just had my debrief with my psychiatrist. He agrees I am finally happier and at peace because I am finally "Dick-Head Free". Then he quivered. "Oh I can't write that in my notes!"

I said "YES YOU CAN! It is the best terminology we can utilise. Put them in my notes!" Lmao! So he did!

He also encouraged me to write my book! His only concern is I might get triggered and get too High (hypomanic).

I said after suffering immense trauma for 5 decades I can stand to be a little too high. I have been surfing in stormy turgid flotsam and jetsom for so long that I am a very good 'surfer'.

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4.48 am. Just woke up from mind-thrashing nightmares. Trauma ones about being forced to pack up and move house in 24 hours or we would be killed.

I spent most of the dream throwing out paper bags and packaging, trying to get all the chickens and cats secured, even a lone Guinea pig that kept escaping and a rainbow lorikeet.

We had to write a letter to the assassin (govt agent) each day (like a diary or blog). I could barely write coherently and started panicking.

I was surrounded by furniture that was all broken down like Ikea puzzle pieces. Stuff was everywhere. At one point in the dream I got disoriented and ran backwards and forwards in one room, not knowing how to get out of it or organise the packing (this has happened in real life: total Confusion and trauma. Lmao!)

The dream just ended with me needing to pee and a very dry mouth (probably from yelling in my sleep).

Now back in bed with a glass of water and to try to get back to sleep. Phew! Going off antidepressants is bloody hard work on my brain.

8 June 2015

4.04am. I finally got to talk to Crystal on Skype. She was jetlagged and looked very tired and had lost weight. She was happy as a pig in mud though and she introduced me to some of the locals in Shanden where she is stage managing a show. Closing night tonight.

She said they had been drinking a lot the past few nights as they were working hard for the show.

As for me, I am still crook but also happy. I slept all day yesterday! Now watching Sense8 on Netflix. About to have a nice cup of Chai tea with Honey then will probably sleep again.

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8 pm. I slept from 8 am to 6.30 pm. Still feel tight in the chest but coughing less.

Mushu is tucked beside me in bed. The house is so quiet. Silence has a weirdly high pitch type vibration to it. My ears are blocked.

I had a nice cup of tea and a biscuit and listened to John Safran's talk about Death and Zombies, and spiritualism. I was raised as a Spiritualist with the occult. So it was all very interesting.

8 June 2014

I had a fantastic time yesterday. Jarrod and Crystal and I met up at West End. We looked at shops then had Jackpot Noodles. Then we went to Southbank markets and perused all the interesting wares.

I got very emotional and silly and funny and mad (probably from being a bit tired or from a delayed reaction to trauma last week). So we went to Max Brenners and I was just laughing hysterically and telling funny anecdotes.

Then we went back to Crystal's and I played with her rabbits and we had tea. Then I decided to go out to pub so I put on eyeshadow and the colours were all wrong so I looked like I had two black eyes!

So then Crystal spent ages fixing my makeup and Jarrod looked on and there was much laughter again!

They dropped me in the city around 12.30 am so I went dancing at the pub and casino and outside with George until 4.30 am. I caught the bus home and laughed about the drunk men who had offered to take me home.

One was a filthy rich (according to George!) guy I see around often who drives a porsche. He was barely coherent as he was utterly pickled. I told him I didn't care about what car he drove or how much money he had, I was going home to my cats who were sober!

:-).

For some reason he found this very endearing. It took me a few minutes to send him on his way. Then just as he sauntered off, a very large bearded biker guy who was funny and earthy but still articulate, offered me a 'roll in the park', with a twinkle in his eye and a cheeky grin.

I said, "Dude, I just turned down a very drunk man who drives a porsche so what Hope do you have?" But softened the blow by telling him, "although you are at least a larrikin and still compis mentis". He walked with me to the bus stop, asked me for sex but was so funny and natural I was almost tempted.

I told him, "Love, I have been with the Best and the Worst so I am completely over it." He giggled! I said, "I value myself these days." He said, "So you are no Onion!"

I laughed at his chutzpah and mirth. I said "Oh god no! Even the president of an outlaw motorcycle organisation who was very kind to me, did not ever dream of turning me into an onion!" He said "Who?" And he named a president from a rival clubhouse! I just laughed. Said "Not telling, you might be a Detective. I am not getting arrested for association!"

He laughed! "What, with my tattoos and my beard?” I said, "Yeah and your nice clean blue shirt! You scream Detective to me!" I giggled. He says "yes! And it's even half ironed!" I said "yeah, a dead give away". We both laughed. So we parted as friends and he chivalrously kissed my hand and went to the front entrance of the casino and I went to wait for the bus.

I thought, Now for all his wild ways, THAT was a real man and was giggling to myself when a group of men start getting agro and warming up to a brawl. The lone Indian security guard looks askance, so I said "You better get ready for back up as this is going to get very ugly very fast” and he sort of winces and shivers.

Bus security are so inadequate and they know I know it. So I yell out to the 6 drunken louts (one all roided up and just dying to beat up the other guys) "guys, knock it off, you have had an awesome night so don't ruin the rest of it, in the lock up".

The security guard looks at me in awe and I keep Facebooking. The mob of louts slowly dissipate and walk away from the Roid guy with all 5 of them and some other on-lookers telling him he is an agro cunt! Phew..I think. A close call!

My bus arrives and I get home and I rejoice in my wonderful night of wildness, freedom, almost-romantic propositions and conflict resolution along with humour and irony.

I burst out laughing at the fact that the guy I am in love with, is still orbiting me with the cool calm devotion of a mad monk librarian who has discovered a rare manuscript but must only inspect it with kid gloves and a certain sense of awe and trepidation but won't put it back on its dusty shelf to be completely forgotten in case some hidden pearls of wisdom should manifest themselves in the brittle, motheaten but glorious tome.

So I head home to bed, laughing at my intrinsic but untouchable Value, my chutzpah, my irony, my great overflowing Love which is just exploding like a Chocolate Bubke at Max Brenners, so hot, rich, and satiating but a little overkill, the kind of appetite overload that makes you a bit sick to the stomach but happier than King Henry 8th at several of his wives beheadings.

My cats, my very sober sensible cats who can be relied on for unconditional wholesome adulation, welcomed me back to Sacred Space and I slept wonderfully. Pussy Power! (Who needs a Man? Shhh.. I do want one though but he must never Know. lmao)

To be continued...

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Today would have been Bella Rosa Arons 9th Birthday! She died last August and my life has been so sad without her. She was and always will be my heart and soul.

It was a great upheaval watching her die and we both fought hard to be there for each other. At one point she even rallied as she realised I was grief stricken at the idea of losing her. Even the vet thought she might have come back to us. Alas no!!!!

She was a little red puff-ball of epic Mana. All my friends, online and in real world adored her. She was our New World Leader and ruled with a silky paw and a little Pomeranian-whiskered sneer of disapproval if she felt her Humans were not 'manning up'!

She was a Superior Being and very much a lady (except for occasional arse dragging ;). I used to try to remind her of her wolvish origins in the mists of time, by howling for her and encouraging her to join in. She would look at me in horror and disapproval.

Howling seemed far too coarse and well, Neolithic for her. She occasionally dragged her arse but never her knuckles unlike several of my former partners. This Dog was Class! She was also the dog equivalent of a Mensch!

May her memory bring a smile to those who knew her and a blessing to us all. Xxx. (Sloppy smooth-tongued kisses on all our cheeks!). Big big big furry LOVE.

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I have had the most powerful, spiritual, loving, intensely emotional, vibrant, funny, amazing supportive week of my life. From ashes, roses grow. The roses bloom and permeate their environment with beauty, fragrance and soothe the heart with delight, love and desire.

To love, to be loved, validated, valued, desired and appreciated is the most magnificent sensation in the cosmos. Thank you, Hashem! What joy you have brought to me after such bleak wretched pain and despair.

A miracle and an inspiration to go forth and be in my own essence. To share that love and joy with others so it can spread healing and peace exponentially.

8 June 2011

Cold wet feet after watering back garden in the dark by torchlight which was prompted by placing plant labels in the ground only to discover how hard and dry the ground was.

I must have a deathwish as I do crazy shit involving cold water on cold nights when I'm already sick with a sore throat cold thingy LOL. Being sick activates me to try to get stuff done then get sicker. LOL

8 June 2010

A new day, a new breath, a new beginning, cosmic consciousness Yada Yada Yada, meanwhile I need a new psychiatrist who actually cares about me the individual and will do right by me.....Fuck, wish me luck.

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Another day, the same existential angst and tzores. I really need to party, to forget myself for a while and forget everything else as well. But be careful what you wish for, or I might develop Alzheimers like my dear old Ma. hahahhahaha. (Shrinks and hides in back cupboard now cos I've seen my future and I don't like it!)

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons